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Bridal Party Disaster

Okay Ladies, here is my situationI’m getting married in less than a month and it seems as though three out of my five BM have decided it would be a great idea to start causing any type of fight possible.My sister who is my MOH and my FSIL absolutely hate one another. They have now had four massive blow-ups which have resulted in both sets of parents getting involved and even my FI and I getting dragged into it. Not only have I been in both their weddings and did what every bridesmaid/MOH does which is doing what’s asked of you and smile. But I also bit my tongue to the rude remarks and bridezilla behaviour that was thrown my way by not only them but their bridal parties as well, why you ask because that what you do for your friends and family when you agree to be in someone’s wedding! I’m also going to add in here that they are both 30yrs old and are acting like 5yr olds. To make the matter worse my FSIL called on my MOH at my bachelorette party, liquid courage much?They have helped turn this bridal planning experience into the worst experience of my life; they fight over the stupidest things such as, which dress I chose and length. My FSIL wanted to wear a long dress because she thinks her legs look fat in tea length dresses. My sister had to pick out the dresses because she said my style is flashy and tacky which made the shopping experience dreadful! She and I have two completely different styles and likes when it comes to clothing, but nevertheless I gave in and let her pick out the dresses which I actually do like.As for the third BM, she was picked by my fiancé to be in the wedding. She is his BM wife; she and I aren’t what I would call friends but more so acquaintances. We are definitely not each other’s cup of tea. My FI was her husband’s BM back in April and I was also a BM. I truly believe I was only asked to be a BM because we had gotten engaged before them and had asked them 3 weeks before they got engaged to be in our wedding. It has been a complete competition with her when it came to both our weddings. She refers to our wedding as the barnyard wedding because we live in a little town in the country, where they live in a big city. She has made numerous comments about how her ring is bigger than mine, how she spent over $10,000.00 on her wedding dress yet mine ONLY cost 1,200.00 (I think it’s awesome that I got my dream dress for an amazing price) She also felt the need to tell me that when she was dress shopping she saw the same wedding dress that I had gotten and had tried it on, she told me how ugly it was on her and hopefully I would look better in it. She has turned into every bride’s worst nightmare. She had refused to attend either of my showers and didn’t come to my bachelorette either, mind you I didn’t go to hers only because my fiancé was laid off for 7months right around their wedding and it was his responsibility to pay for the entire stag for the groom and we couldn’t afford for me to go away for her bachelorette as well since they were both on the same weekend and both out of town. She makes rude remarks to the other bridesmaids and has even trashed the fact that our reception is at a country club appose to a banquet hall like theirs was. She told me two weeks ago that she hopes everything turns out okay because you get what you pay for, what does that mean? That’s correct we didn’t spend over $100,000.00 on our wedding like they did but that doesn’t mean our will be a disaster does it? I have been a DIY bride this whole process to save some money and she stuck her nose up at me about it and told me not to ask her to help because it wasn’t her thing, that she had hired someone to do the work for her when it came to her wedding so what would she help with mine.I guess I’m just at the end of my rope when it comes to dealing with both of these situations, I feel you should get back what you gave out but I don’t seem to be getting the same respect I gave. I just wanted this to be a fun experience not a nightmare.
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Re: Bridal Party Disaster

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    If the BMs are fighting with each other, or your families, ignore them. If the fight has nothing to do with you then you do not have to get dragged into it.

    If you allow yourself to get dragged into it (rather than saying, "We're not involved so leave us out of this" and then walking away), then that's your own fault.

    If the dresses have been selected, there is no point in whining now over how much of a pain it was to select them. It's done and over, so forget about it and move on.

    I don't see why you're so upset that someone you're not close to is not much of a friend to you. Yeah, she could absolutely be a bit nicer to you and keep her comments to herself, but she's not going to do that. She seems like a showoff or a bragger. You can either call her out on her actions ("When you say things like that it really hurts my feelings, so please stop it") or you can ignore her. But she's not going to stop just because you wish she would.

    People could definitely be a bit more cooperative, but it also seems like you're allowing yourself to get pushed around. Stand up for yourself, or learn to ignore it and let it roll off your back.

    Also, don't put your full name in your signature line. Someone could very easily track you down online and perhaps even send this rant to your friends, and then there'd REALLY be problems with them. For your own safety, delete your last name. There's no need to have it here.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:400a537e-9527-4f44-a9e4-c7e8446054c3Post:7f3f1e83-7a3a-4484-affd-58a59b79520e">Bridal Party Disaster</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay Ladies, here is my situation I’m getting married in less than a month and it seems as though three out of my five BM have decided it would be a great idea to start causing any type of fight possible. My sister who is my MOH and my FSIL absolutely hate one another. They have now had four massive blow-ups which have resulted in both sets of parents getting involved and even my FI and I getting dragged into it. Not only have I been in both their weddings and did what every bridesmaid/MOH does which is doing what’s asked of you and smile. But I also bit my tongue to the rude remarks and bridezilla behaviour that was thrown my way by not only them but their bridal parties as well, why you ask because that what you do for your friends and family when you agree to be in someone’s wedding! I’m also going to add in here that they are both 30yrs old and are acting like 5yr olds. To make the matter worse my FSIL called on my MOH at my bachelorette party, liquid courage much? They have helped turn this bridal planning experience into the worst experience of my life; they fight over the stupidest things such as, which dress I chose and length. My FSIL wanted to wear a long dress because she thinks her legs look fat in tea length dresses. My sister had to pick out the dresses because she said my style is flashy and tacky which made the shopping experience dreadful! She and I have two completely different styles and likes when it comes to clothing, but nevertheless I gave in and let her pick out the dresses which I actually do like. As for the third BM, she was picked by my fiancé to be in the wedding. She is his BM wife; she and I aren’t what I would call friends but more so acquaintances. We are definitely not each other’s cup of tea. My FI was her husband’s BM back in April and I was also a BM. I truly believe I was only asked to be a BM because we had gotten engaged before them and had asked them 3 weeks before they got engaged to be in our wedding. It has been a complete competition with her when it came to both our weddings. She refers to our wedding as the barnyard wedding because we live in a little town in the country, where they live in a big city. She has made numerous comments about how her ring is bigger than mine, how she spent over $10,000.00 on her wedding dress yet mine ONLY cost 1,200.00 (I think it’s awesome that I got my dream dress for an amazing price) She also felt the need to tell me that when she was dress shopping she saw the same wedding dress that I had gotten and had tried it on, she told me how ugly it was on her and hopefully I would look better in it. She has turned into every bride’s worst nightmare. She had refused to attend either of my showers and didn’t come to my bachelorette either, mind you I didn’t go to hers only because my fiancé was laid off for 7months right around their wedding and it was his responsibility to pay for the entire stag for the groom and we couldn’t afford for me to go away for her bachelorette as well since they were both on the same weekend and both out of town. She makes rude remarks to the other bridesmaids and has even trashed the fact that our reception is at a country club appose to a banquet hall like theirs was. She told me two weeks ago that she hopes everything turns out okay because you get what you pay for, what does that mean? That’s correct we didn’t spend over $100,000.00 on our wedding like they did but that doesn’t mean our will be a disaster does it? I have been a DIY bride this whole process to save some money and she stuck her nose up at me about it and told me not to ask her to help because it wasn’t her thing, that she had hired someone to do the work for her when it came to her wedding so what would she help with mine. I guess I’m just at the end of my rope when it comes to dealing with both of these situations, I feel you should get back what you gave out but I don’t seem to be getting the same respect I gave. I just wanted this to be a fun experience not a nightmare.
    Posted by JacquelineTyler[/QUOTE]
    image
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    Holy lack of indents batman! I read all of your post, it was just hard without any breaks in it.

    First off your FI should not have told you you have to have BM #3 in your WP because her husband is his BM. He chooses his side, you choose yours. You already felt like you were just chosen randomly, and you did the same thing to her. No wonder she doesn't want to do anyting. As far as her comments and such I agree with PP. If she says something directly to you, call her out on it. She needs to know it's really hurting your feelings. Otherwise, just ignore her.

    As far as your MOH and FSIL, if their arguments have nothing to do with you do not get involved. What's between them is between them. They do not have to get along, most BMs don't know each other and do not become friends just by being in a wedding together. you'll hear plenty of girls here say that none of their BMs knew each other before the wedding, and none of them speak after the wedding.

    "I feel you should get back what you gave out but I don’t seem to be getting the same respect I gave"

    The above is the wrong attitude to have. Weddings are not tit-for-tat. Just because you were Super BM for their weddings does not mean they will be for yours. The only thing you can do now is grin and bear it. You said it yourself, you have less than a month, I think you can stick it out, and at the end of the day you ahd FI will be married and all when you look back at getting worked up over all of this BM drama you'll think it was silly. You will be MARRIED, and that's all that matters.
     
    image
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:400a537e-9527-4f44-a9e4-c7e8446054c3Post:7f3f1e83-7a3a-4484-affd-58a59b79520e">Bridal Party Disaster</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay Ladies, here is my situation I’m getting married in less than a month and it seems as though three out of my five BM have decided it would be a great idea to start causing any type of fight possible.


    My sister who is my MOH and my FSIL absolutely hate one another. They have now had four massive blow-ups which have resulted in both sets of parents getting involved and even my FI and I getting dragged into it. Not only have I been in both their weddings and did what every bridesmaid/MOH does which is doing what’s asked of you and smile. But I also bit my tongue to the rude remarks and bridezilla behaviour that was thrown my way by not only them but their bridal parties as well, why you ask because that what you do for your friends and family when you agree to be in someone’s wedding!


    I’m also going to add in here that they are both 30yrs old and are acting like 5yr olds. To make the matter worse my FSIL called on my MOH at my bachelorette party, liquid courage much?


    They have helped turn this bridal planning experience into the worst experience of my life; they fight over the stupidest things such as, which dress I chose and length. My FSIL wanted to wear a long dress because she thinks her legs look fat in tea length dresses. My sister had to pick out the dresses because she said my style is flashy and tacky which made the shopping experience dreadful! She and I have two completely different styles and likes when it comes to clothing, but nevertheless I gave in and let her pick out the dresses which I actually do like.


    As for the third BM, she was picked by my fiancé to be in the wedding. She is his BM wife; she and I aren’t what I would call friends but more so acquaintances. We are definitely not each other’s cup of tea. My FI was her husband’s BM back in April and I was also a BM. I truly believe I was only asked to be a BM because we had gotten engaged before them and had asked them 3 weeks before they got engaged to be in our wedding.


    It has been a complete competition with her when it came to both our weddings. She refers to our wedding as the barnyard wedding because we live in a little town in the country, where they live in a big city. She has made numerous comments about how her ring is bigger than mine, how she spent over $10,000.00 on her wedding dress yet mine ONLY cost 1,200.00 (I think it’s awesome that I got my dream dress for an amazing price) She also felt the need to tell me that when she was dress shopping she saw the same wedding dress that I had gotten and had tried it on, she told me how ugly it was on her and hopefully I would look better in it.


    She has turned into every bride’s worst nightmare. She had refused to attend either of my showers and didn’t come to my bachelorette either, mind you I didn’t go to hers only because my fiancé was laid off for 7months right around their wedding and it was his responsibility to pay for the entire stag for the groom and we couldn’t afford for me to go away for her bachelorette as well since they were both on the same weekend and both out of town.


    She makes rude remarks to the other bridesmaids and has even trashed the fact that our reception is at a country club appose to a banquet hall like theirs was. She told me two weeks ago that she hopes everything turns out okay because you get what you pay for, what does that mean? That’s correct we didn’t spend over $100,000.00 on our wedding like they did but that doesn’t mean our will be a disaster does it?


    I have been a DIY bride this whole process to save some money and she stuck her nose up at me about it and told me not to ask her to help because it wasn’t her thing, that she had hired someone to do the work for her when it came to her wedding so what would she help with mine. I guess I’m just at the end of my rope when it comes to dealing with both of these situations, I feel you should get back what you gave out but I don’t seem to be getting the same respect I gave. I just wanted this to be a fun experience not a nightmare.
    Posted by JacquelineTyler[/QUOTE]

    Whew...well I'm exhausted.  Sorry OP but I had to form paragraphs out of this.  Maybe others will have an easier time reading it.

    Cliffs Notes - snooty BM who was put in the WP as a courtesy keeps lording her expensive wedding over this DIY bride's plans.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    That's a lot of issues!  I don't really even know where to start with that.

    I guess the only advice I have to offer is that you don't have to spend $100,000 on a wedding for it to be "classy."  We spent less than $10,000 on ours and we have gotten all kinds of compliments about how high class our wedding was.  I was shocked the first time someone told me that.  I was like what?  really?  Because it was actually pretty cheap!

    If my-wedding-was-better-than-yours BM starts talking about that kind of stuff again, either change the subject, hang up the phone, or just leave the room.  Seriously, that is ridiculous that she has to be like that all the time.
    image
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    Thank you for the advice ladies,

    It seems to be easier said then done to just ignore rude comments and arrguments that come up.

    I know I should just walk away and let it roll off my back, but again easier said then done. I know someone had responded that wedding are not a tit for tat, but I didn't casue arguments for fight or make rude comments and I don't feel I deserve this from people who are my family.

    The BM who my FI chose, I honestly don't care what she thinks anymore. Oncwe this wedding is over hopefully she'll be out of my life. I just think I needed to vent.

    Thank you again
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    The 3rd BM (one who refers to your wedding as barnyard wedding) completely sucks and is out of line with her petty competitive comments. I would avoid too much contact with her until wedding or simply tell her you're tired of her remarks and can she please grow the f*** up
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    I agree with Loop. Sometimes just ignoring doesn't work. Tell her that her "tacky comments are not appreciated and will no longer be tolerated. You don't have to like our 'barnyard' wedding because we do."

    The sisters that get into fights. Just let things go and if they cause problems at rehearsal just say "grow up...this isn't about you too, this is about FI and I. If you can't act like two adults and continue to act like children you can stay home because we don't want your drama."

    Sure you might come off biotchy but it is better than ignoring it and having them pulling each others hair out in a cat fight on your dance floor infront of everyone.

    I have to say that FI shouldn't have picked a girl for your side. If he wanted her in the WP she should be on his side, not yours.
    Anniversary
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    The part that ticks me off about the BM who criticises our wedding is that she hasn't even see the Golf and COuntry club where we are having the reception. SO to call our wedding a "Barnyard" wedding bothers me, just becasue we're from the sticks dosen't make us hillbillies.
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    edited August 2010
    Is your wedding outside? If it is, maybe her ignorance is associating 'barnyard' with being outside? Either way, i'd take the biotch down a step or two.
    Anniversary
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    No the ceramony is in a church and the recepion is in the Country Clubs hall. Thats why it irritates me that she calls it that.
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    The girl may be a moron...
    Anniversary
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    You can say, "If you keep calling our wedding a barnyard that's where the limo might leave you."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:400a537e-9527-4f44-a9e4-c7e8446054c3Post:3cdfc8ed-af89-4b7d-9c37-5e0050309677">Re: Bridal Party Disaster</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can say, "If you keep calling our wedding a barnyard that's where the limo might leave you."
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    Love =)
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