Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

A Different Name Change Question

I've read quite a few questions about changing ones name after the wedding, but I have yet to find anyone ask mine.  So here goes...

My fiance doesn't care for his last name, and to be honest, neither do I.  My family thinks it's wierd for him to take my name.  So we gave it some thought and we want to take on a whole new Surname for our new family of two (with more to come down the road).

So regarding all this name changing... Should we be putting our new name on the Marriage Certificate?  Should we be introduced as Mr. & Mrs. Newname?  In a room full of family members on either side, I don't know how well that will go over.  And we don't want them focusing on the shock of it during the reception.

What does everyone think?  What's the legal route?

Re: A Different Name Change Question

  • Depending on where you live, you will probably need a court order (which will cost money) to change both your names. Presumably you will do this after the wedding. The marriage certificate should be signed with whatever your legal name is at the time of signing, but you should certainly be introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Newname. I advise telling your family about your plans in advance so they will have time to get used to the idea.
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  • That sounds like a fabulous idea   I agree that you need to tell your family and friends before the wedding, so there isn't any shock when you are announced, otherwise, that is all you will hear about for the rest of the night.

    No idea on the legal side, but how hard could it be??!?!!?
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  • I would definitely discuss this with both sides of the family. I went to my FI's cousins wedding recently and when they announce Mr and Mrs "so and so" they used her last name. This left our whole side (grooms) asking eachother did they really say that?, I wonder why they did that? ect ect. And it is sort of hurtful to the family. (grooms). However, theirs was due to his parental sitaution and how his father was towards him ect.
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  • Legally, it is much more difficult for a man to change his name than a woman.  And being that you are both changing your name to a completely different surname, you will need a court order.  These types of things can vary state to state and town to town, so i would go to your City Hall and talk to them about the process.  

    Families generally don't like it when you don't take the man's name (or any variation of tradition.) Personally, I didn't care what anyone thought, I kept my name and added his, because it is my name and I did what I wanted to do.  If people are going to get upset over my legal name, then they have way too much time on their hands.  Thats just my 2 cents.  
  • I think you should consult with a Family Law attorney about this.  Your state may have peculiar laws about men changing names, or it could be very lax and an easy process.  I would look into this ASAP since it could take a couple weeks or a few months, depending on your state's laws.  Your FI may be able to legally change his last name before the wedding, and then you would be able to change yours after, as is standard. 

    As far as his family and yours, you should take some time to sit down with them and explain your decision, so they are not asking for all the details at your wedding reception, after the minister has announced "May I present to you, for the first time,  Mr. and Mrs.  Newname". 

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  • edited December 2010
    Either party of the marriage can take on the others name but (depending on the state) in Massachusetts you must get a court order to change your name. He can take on your name by listing it on the marriage license but to completley change it you would need a court order. What about hyphenating the two names? Marriages in MA are not listed by Husband vs wife it is Party A and Party B so, either person may take whichever partys name.
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  • My FI changed his last name about a yr ago (from ex-step biological) and it was pretty pricey and a whooole lot of 'go to A, get this paper, fill out the form and find this paperwork, go back to A, get this signed, go home and wait a few days for paper in the mail. Take that paper to place B' yada yada yada. It was quite a pain (but totally worth it). Just a heads up. I know it also depends on the state so maybe it'll be easier for you.

    People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica
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  • I legally changed my first name prior to my marriage.  I had always intended to do this, and, since I would be changing my last name, this seemed like a good time to change my first name.  It does require a court order.  In my state (NJ) it was fairly simple, cost about $300 and took about three months for all of the paper to be processed.  As someone else suggested, the easiest way would be for your fiance to change his name and then you go through the routine of changing your name following marriage.  Parenthetically, it was less work to change my first name legally than to change my last name through marriage.  I have now been married nearly four weeks and I am about half way to having all changes made.  I have changed SS card, checking account, work, medical/dental insurance and tax filing status.  I still need to change driver's license/car registration/car insurance, investment/retirement accounts, credit cards, voter's registration.
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