Dreaded Bacholar party

MrsRMackiewicz · December 2011

So I have talked with my FI and told him my feelings on strippers (NOT OKAY) I think that its ridiculous to celebrate our life long commitment with naked ladies

But I am scared to death that his groomsmen wont respect my wishes. I have told them personally about my feeling so strongly that if it happens I will not be walking down the aisle. It makes me insane when people on the outside of aur relationship tell me I have to let him go. How can I get the point that Im serious out there? Is iat my FIs to make sure it doesnt happen? Did your FI do the strip club thing? If so how do you feel about it?

krizzo17 · December 2011

I hope they realize you're serious, but at the same time, you can't really control what his friends do, nor can you hold it against them. I don't think it's a fabulous way to celebrate, either, but I wouldn't hold it against my fi. The more you freak out about this, the more likely everyone is to disrespect your wishes just to spite you. You've told your fi, I'm assuming he agreed no strippers? That's really all you can do.

SuMmErKuTiE · December 2011

Breathe just breathe! It looks like you have almost a year still until your wedding. A lot of things can change between now and then and freaking out about something that might not even happen is going to be very stressful for you and your FI.

I completely agree that it's a complete oxy-moron to celebrate a life long commitment to the love of your life by getting grinded on by naked dancers just trying to make $$$. Thankfully, my H and his friends pretty much all feel the same way. A lot of our friends have had joint bachelor/bachelorette parties or kept it more low key by just going out for a night on the town and bar/club hopping. No need for strippers. One of our friends took his groomsmen on a fishing trip up at his cabin for the weekend instead.

DH and I had a semi-joint party. My MOH and his best man rented a party bus for the night that took us to the casino. The bus was co-ed, but when we got there, we went our separate ways. I went with the girls to a club for the night, and H and the guys spent the night at different card tables and bars.

Maybe you guys should consider some sort of a joint party, and then if there are strippers there, you can get a male stripper too and everyone will be present and see what's going on so there are no secrets. A lot of times, as soon as the girl brings up going to chip n' dales or having a male stripper, the guy all of a sudden sees the point and backs off. (not always, but it does work a lot) In the end, whether or not your FI's bachelor party involves strippers, he's marrying you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. A random girl just trying to make money in an unconventional way dancing on him for a small part of one evening is nothing compared to life that you two will share.

MairePoppy · December 2011

You should discuss this with your fi to make sure the two of you are on the same page.Then you should trust him.

It wasn't a good idea for you to approach the groomsmen directly about this. It makes it look like your fi is what we used to call 'hen-pecked.'

scrpio421 · December 2011

I'm not ok with naked women grinding on my FI and shoving their boobs in his face, thankfully he hates them and swore against them. Saves me the trouble thankfully.

For me, it's not an issue about trust, it just seems wrong to me. For some reason the world thinks it's not cheating, but it's not right. My FI wants to do an outdoor trip like camping, fishing, or driving race cars with his GM. Whatever, at least it's not strippers.

Simply Fated · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dreaded-bacholar-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:468aa447-3fc1-4a1e-9837-b0ab1c71ab09Post:3dc59043-9258-4ab7-a96e-d82335118ef7">Dreaded Bacholar party</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have talked with my FI and told him my feelings on strippers (NOT OKAY) I think that its ridiculous to celebrate our life long commitment with naked ladies :( But I am scared to death that his groomsmen wont respect my wishes. I have told them personally about my feeling so strongly that if it happens I will not be walking down the aisle. It makes me insane when people on the outside of aur relationship tell me I have to let him go. How can I get the point that Im serious out there? Is iat my FIs to make sure it doesnt happen? Did your FI do the strip club thing? If so how do you feel about it?
Posted by MrsRMackiewicz[/QUOTE]

You need to make sure that your fiance is really on board with this.

Your fiance should be the one dealing with this, not you. He needs to tell his friends he's not into going to a strip club. They're his friends and his his party.

And, not for nothing, but unless they hold a gun to his head, if he does go it's of his own volition.

supertoaster82 · December 2011

I very clearly laid out to my FI a few years ago when he was going on a weekend trip with the guys that I wasn't really comfortable with him going to strip clubs, but that if he did end up at one, I was definitely not okay with him getting lap dances, or anything of the nature of him being in direct contact with another naked woman. I told him I consider it cheating. He just kind of laughed and said "do you really think this is THAT kind of trip?" He told me he had been to strip clubs a few times right after he turned 18, but he honestly doesn't seem to have much of an interest in them now that he's older (I know, some people would say he's just saying that to my face, but I trust him and believe him).

He's going to Vegas for three days for his bachelor party. I'll probably briefly remind him that I'm not okay with lap dances before he goes, and then I'll just have to trust that he'll respect my wishes. And honestly, I think he and his friends have been more focused on finding a good punk or metal show to go to while they are there, and finding a liquor store near their hotel so they can buy cheap(er) booze. Most of the guys going are married or in serious relationships, and would probably rather spend their hard-earned money on alcohol at this point in their lives

Bottom line: Your FI loves you, and I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you. You've told him you're not okay with this, and if he doesn't want to hurt you, he'll respect your wishes. Also, plan some time with your girlfriends or family while he's at his bachelor party, and hopefully it will keep your mind of his party. Don't sit home alone and worry about what he's doing - you'll make yourself miserable that way.

Osterizer · December 2011

Yes, my H had a strip club bachelor party. I was fine with it because I trust him. Was I curious what went on? Absolutely and when he came home drunk and I asked questions, he pretty much told me everything. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a bach party at a strip club. It's those "private parties" that I'd be worried about. I've been to one and it's crazier than anything you'd see in a club. Very hands-on, if you catch my drift.

Like I said, I trusted my H not to do anything to jeopardize our relationship. You should be able to trust your FI to do the same. However, if your feelings go beyond this then he should respect your wishes. At that point, he needs to grow a pair with his friends and say "no strip clubs".

Side note: Another couple we're friends with married two weeks before us. That bride forbid her H to have a bach party at a strip club. In turn, he was not allowed to attend my H's bach party, which happened to be a week before their wedding. Everything went fine at my H's bach party. No injuries, arrests, etc. The following Wednesday (also 3 days before their wedding) was the bach party for the other groom. They went to a bar and the groom got alcohol poisoning and ended up in the ER. I'd rather my H see boobies then end up in the ER.

Simply Fated · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dreaded-bacholar-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:468aa447-3fc1-4a1e-9837-b0ab1c71ab09Post:38f393a1-ee29-46e5-8af9-5ed6cc4d9421">Re: Dreaded Bacholar party</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd rather my H see boobies then end up in the ER.
Posted by Osterizer[/QUOTE]
I'm with ya there.

hboo2011 · December 2011

I've been to strip clubs with my H before. H knows and respects that he can go to a strip club with his friends, so long as he does not get a private lap dance. His friends respect my wishes and are cool with just the 'watching from a distance'.

I don't know if talking to his friends is a good idea. All you can do is let your FI know you aren't ok with it. Could you compromise and say 'no lap dances'?

MrsRMackiewicz · December 2011

You ladies are awesome! Thank you so much for all the advice!! I think most importantly I need to just express my feelings to my FI and trust him to do the right things!

banana468 · December 2011

Ditto the others.

Along with trusting you, the important thing is that you and your FI are on the same page. You can't order him to do things so you need to emphasize what is important to you and why.

He may also need to tell you how he feels and why.

I'm not arguing that your feelings aren't valid - but the most important part is that you two discuss and come to terms mutually.

wcoleman · December 2011

My Fiance and I are having a joint party. We will be going to a Phillies game with the bridal party, then heading to a bar for drinks afterwards. Both my fiance and I decided to keep the party together, because we are celebrating the wedding. We weren't comfortable with the whole stripper idea, so we are very excited to attend a sporting event together for our party. All you can do is express your feelings, but don't lose sleep over it. Hopefully your fiance's friends have his and your best interests in mind and everything will work out.

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