Long engagement turning short.. advice please!!

J9andKev · May 2011

My fiance and I have been engaged for a little over a month. We orignally picked a date after he got out of the Marine Corps, which is in 2 years. We now know where he is deploying to in January. I can say that it's not a good place to be. He's worried that the unspeakable is going to happen and he won't be returning home. He wants to ensure that I'm taken care of if that does happen and suggested moving the date up 2 years (to this October). My parents are finally getting used to the idea that their only girl is getting married. What's the best way to tell them? Also, I want to get married in a church rather than just go to the courthouse. Is this possible? Do you think moving the wedding up is a good idea? HELP!

ootmother2 · May 2011

I think I would have to first know if you're finished school, have a job, how old you are, etc.

Why would you want to go to a JOP anyhow? Would you try to hide the fact that you got married?

I think my answer would depend on this.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

I'm going to C&P my response from Military Brides, as I did not realize this was a XP.

If he's worried that something unspeakable will happen, tell him to get on MOL (Marine Online) and adjust his RED (Record of Emergency Data). I am the recipient of FI's death gratuity, SGLI, pay arrears, absolutely everything except his remains. ETA: I am also the primary person to be notified. This means if anything bad happens, I know before even his mother.

DO NOT RUSH A WEDDING FOR SOMETHING HE CAN DO RIGHT NOW ON MOL. Seriously. You had a wedding date set, just stick with it. If you or he have questions about MOL/RED, page me on MB. I'll get the answer for you if I don't know it.

Also, honestly, an Afghanistan deployment is scary for those of us who stay home. It is. But the chance that something bad will happen is very, very low. FI has a dangerous, outside the wire MOS. Maybe your FI does too. But I know that worrying does nothing but turn me into a mess, so instead, I'm psyched for FI to go and do his job. It'll also help us contribute a lot to his SDP (10% interest, HECK YEAH) and snowball our debt. Look at it as a positive, as a combat deployment is also good for his fitrep, and increases his chance of promotion.

J9andKev · May 2011

I'm finished school and I have a full time job. I'm 23 and hes turning 23 this summer. I don't want to go to a JOP to get married. We wouldn't be hiding it, but we're worried that we won't be able to plan the ceremony that I want, which is to get married in a church. It doesn't matter to him where we get married, he just does not want to leave me with nothing. (And no, this was all his idea. I told him that since I'm starting my career as an engineer, I can take care of myself.)

jazzybacc · May 2011

I guess I don't know what would be keeping you from getting married in a church? Are you both baptized? Gone through 1st communion, etc? Call a local church and ask if it's possible and if they have any open dates. I don't see why pushing it up is a bad thing. You're going to get married anyway, so what does the date change?

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_long-engagement-turning-short-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:59e32765-ad46-49d4-b84b-712370dd7319Post:ba7668e9-bdd4-4413-9206-7fd243ab8c26">Re: Long engagement turning short.. advice please!!</a>:
[QUOTE] It doesn't matter to him where we get married, he just does not want to leave me with nothing.
Posted by J9andKev[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>As I stated above, he can make you the recepient of all monies and notifications related to any death/injury, with or without a marriage. </div><div>
</div><div>If money/deployment is the only reason to rush, then keep your original date.

</div>

ootmother2 · May 2011

Honestly, I planned my wedding in 10 days. No military problem, we just decided

If you're planning on getting married in two years, it's totally your call as to moving up the date. I don't think the possibility of your FI being killed or maimed in war is a solid one though.

If everyone is on the same page here, make the plans you & FI want.

J9andKev · May 2011

[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">If he's worried that something unspeakable will happen, tell him to get on MOL (Marine Online) and adjust his RED (Record of Emergency Data). I am the recipient of FI's death gratuity, SGLI, pay arrears, absolutely everything except his remains. ETA: I am also the primary person to be notified. This means if anything bad happens, I know before even his mother.<div style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;font-size:12px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div><div style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;font-size:12px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">DO NOT RUSH A WEDDING FOR SOMETHING HE CAN DO RIGHT NOW ON MOL. Seriously. You had a wedding date set, just stick with it. If you or he have questions about MOL/RED, page me on MB. I'll get the answer for you if I don't know it.</div><div style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;font-size:12px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
</div></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Also, honestly, an Afghanistan deployment is scary for those of us who stay home. It is. But the chance that something bad will happen is very, very low. FI has a dangerous, outside the wire MOS. Maybe your FI does too. But I know that worrying does nothing but turn me into a mess, so instead, I'm psyched for FI to go and do his job. It'll also help us contribute a lot to his SDP (10% interest, HECK YEAH) and snowball our debt. Look at it as a positive, as a combat deployment is also good for his fitrep, and increases his chance of promotion.</span>[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I didn't even know I could do that! I'll definitely have him look into and do that. I know how scary a deployment is. This will be his second tour. During his first one, he lost 6 of his friends so he's especially worried that something will happen this time since his unit is the first to go to this place in a long time. My FI also has a dangerous MOS. We're trying to stay positive, since this will be his last deployment. But I know you know as well as I do, that it's difficult to stay positive when you know you're going to be apart for so long and can only talk to him once in a blue moon.</div>

J9andKev · May 2011

[QUOTE]I guess I don't know what would be keeping you from getting married in a church? Are you both baptized? Gone through 1st communion, etc? Call a local church and ask if it's possible and if they have any open dates. I don't see why pushing it up is a bad thing. You're going to get married anyway, so what does the date change?
Posted by jazzybacc[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yup, both baptized and 1st communion for both of us. That was his exact argument for moving the date up. His exact words, "I want to start our life together as soon as possible." lol </div><div>
</div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">[QUOTE]Honestly, I planned my wedding in 10 days. No military problem, we just decided If you're planning on getting married in two years, it's totally your call as to moving up the date. I don't think the possibility of your FI being killed or maimed in war is a solid one though. If everyone is on the same page here, make the plans you & FI want.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
</div></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">How did you plan it in 10 days?! That is amazing!!</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">So if, we decide to actually move up the date (which will most likely happen), any ideas on the best way to tell my very overprotective parents? They're still getting confortable with the fact I'm getting married young. His parents already know and approve that we're thinking about it since they overheard us talking the other night. </div>

ootmother2 · May 2011

I had a very cooperative dad and two awesome grandmothers who put it all together. Unfortunately, I was somewhat of a beebee at the time but that's another story

doctabroccoli · May 2011

Hi J9 -
What Church will you be getting married in? One you attend? One your parents attend? 5 months is a little short for the Catholic timeline - a lot of parishes prefer you to have at least 6-9 months. If you haven't talked to your Church yet, you should do so ASAP. They may not allow you to do a ceremony this October

.

J9andKev · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_long-engagement-turning-short-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:59e32765-ad46-49d4-b84b-712370dd7319Post:5782fec1-0815-4352-95d1-7d6bf2e70a7f">Re: Long engagement turning short.. advice please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi J9 - What Church will you be getting married in? One you attend? One your parents attend? 5 months is a little short for the Catholic timeline - a lot of parishes prefer you to have at least 6-9 months. If you haven't talked to your Church yet, you should do so ASAP. They may not allow you to do a ceremony this October :(.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

<div>We would be getting married in one of 2 churches, either the one my parents go to or the one his parents go to. I do have confirmation that the pastor of the one his parents go to would marry us with very short notice. Ugh, I wish he was deploying later so I had more time just to plan the wedding I've always dreamed of. But such is the life in the Corps, lol.</div>

ootmother2 · May 2011

well, the other poster from military brides board had some interesting points.

That's something you have to decide on your own.

GL

J9andKev · May 2011

Thanks for the honest input; it helps more than I can express. We have some major thinking to do. I'll let you what we eventually decide.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

if you genuinely want to get married by january, you have PLENTY of time. our engagemetn was 7 months long, but the the big stuff was all planned within the first 1-2 months. its not that difficult, especially if you are flexible and keep things simple (i.e., dont get your heart set on a certain venue that has a 2 year wait).

J9andKev · May 2011

Thanks Calypso! That's what we're thinking about doing, a very small, intimate and simple wedding. I only want to make sure we have the reception near a body of water (any body of water i.e. a lake, bay, ocean, river) so I think that'll work out.

HandBanana · June 2011

I had close family friends in this situation last summer(Marine and all). She planned the entire wedding in a month because he was suppose to leave in August. It was then pushed back to December.... then April. (How surprising that the government would not stick with a single date or things would constantly change?)

I'm just saying it is doable and completely understandable if you are looking to have a wedding before he leaves. We planned our own wedding in 6 months (after a financial problem caused us to scrap our orignal plans.)

And.... the military brides post is really interesting considering how many couples I know that ran to the jop before a deployment due to financial reasons. I wonder how many do not know about this or is just available to Marines?

Long engagement turning short.. advice please!!

Re: Long engagement turning short.. advice please!!

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