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Grooms Dinner

LyndseyLCLyndseyLC
First Comment
in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
Hey y'all, our wedding is July 31,2010 and according to the knots checklist we need to start looking into Grooms Dinner venues. So I emailed my mom, FI mom and step mom.  His  dad and stepmom wanted to have it at their house and BBQUE which sounded perfect to me.  His mom doesnt want that because she used to live at that house with his dad a long time ago. His parents have been divorced for at least 20 years. But for her it would still be uncomfortable, even though she is happily married to his step dad.  I somewhat understand, but still think it would be nice and cheap to have it at his dads and stepmoms.
These were the ideas:
Patricks Cafe in Edina (I wanted)
Fudruckers in Edina (FI really wanted)
Timberlodge (too expensive and formal)
Magios in Southdale (" ")

most recenly PF Changs. I got an e-mail from FI step mother yesterday that his mom was going to look into PF Changs. At first  I was  a little upset because she didnt even ask us if we would want it there.  Then today I get an e-mail from his mom saying she booked the Grooms Dinner at PF Changs.  I was freaking out..she didnt even talk to us about it at all. I have never eaten there.  Not everyone likes Chinese.   I called my mom to vent and she said it is the Grooms dinner so let the groom decide.  What do yall think?   His dad and stepmom are giving us $5,000 and mom and step dad giving us $5,000.  HIs dad and stepmom said grooms dinner would not be counted towards the 5,000, but I think his mom wants to count it in the 5,000.  She also doesnt want favors but his step mother insists on favors.

I am curious what you girls think about the situation?  Would PF Changs be a good place to have grooms dinner? I have never been there.

Thanks!
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Re: Grooms Dinner

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    kristigileskristigiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OH my gosh...I have the exact same situation.  Fi's dad was willing to have something at his house, but since his parents are divorced, Fi's mom was uncomfortable with it.  My mom was also willing to do something at my parents house (really close to the church) but both of Fi's parents don't want her to take that on the night before the wedding, especially since the groom's dinner should be put on by the Groom's parents.  What to do??  I feel like no matter what I do, someones going to be less than thrilled.  Right now we're leaning toward having it at Majors Sports Cafe in Apple Valley.  Let me know what you decide to do!
    August 14, 2010 image*PLANNING* *MARRIED*
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    leggwilliamsleggwilliams
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, that's really rude of your FMIL to book without even consulting you two. I understand her being uncomfortable with having the dinner at her ex-husband's house, and you should respect that, but I don't think it's her place to just book a restaurant without talking to you and your FI or her ex-husband who also sounds like he'll be contributing for the dinner. While you should listen to her and your FFIL's input since they will be footing the bill, they should at least respect your opinion since it's your wedding. I would talk to your FI and see what he thinks about all this. Hopefully you can convince him to talk to her since it might put you and your FMIL on shaky grounds if you're forced to confront her.
    Good luck!
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    wittyschaffywittyschaffy member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agreed with pp - FI's battle though since its his mom.  It is indeed quite presumptuous of her to assume that she has carte blanche decision power on this one.  She should have asked for your input before she booked anything (and I hope she didnt put down money for your sakes!).  If you and FI are against PF Changs then he needs to tell his Mom that you'd prefer somewhere that would be more appetizing to the most number of attendees and that PF Changs is not where its at.  Let her know that in the future as decisions need to be made, that you both would appreciate having a bit of an input into it before anything is finanlized.  If FI doesn't see it as a big deal - than I think you're stuck. 
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    Clare13Clare13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love PF Changs.  t is my favorite restaurant.  They have very good food.  I have to disagree with many people on this one.  If your FMIL is paying for the groom's dinner than she makes the plans with the groom.  It is a present for you and your FI. Be greatful she is taking this on and not putting one more thing on you.  Granted if you were paying for it, then it would be completely a different situation.  Be greatful that she has taken control and is willing to pay for everything with the groom's dinner.  If you want control of the dinner then you also have to pay for it.  (Which PF Chang's isn't cheap.) Good luck with the stiuation and I hope you figure it out. 
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    leggwilliamsleggwilliams
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand where you're coming from Clare, but it sounds like FMIL is not the only one contributing, FFIL and step-mom are as well. Plus, while my parents are helping pay for the reception, I would not be comfortable with them booking a reception venue without consulting with FI and I. Ultimately, it is the bride and groom's wedding. However, I do completely agree that you have to compromise and give FMIL's opinion serious consideration and weight when she is helping pay. I still think it was out of line for her to book a groom's dinner venue without even talking to the couple.
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    NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_grooms-dinner-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:3b6f53cd-bb17-476b-976e-9e96cbb244dePost:fa000250-3821-474f-a8d4-a5f33cf9ee09">Re: Grooms Dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love PF Changs.  t is my favorite restaurant.  They have very good food.  I have to disagree with many people on this one.  If your FMIL is paying for the groom's dinner than she makes the plans with the groom.  It is a present for you and your FI. Be greatful she is taking this on and not putting one more thing on you.  Granted if you were paying for it, then it would be completely a different situation.  Be greatful that she has taken control and is willing to pay for everything with the groom's dinner.  If you want control of the dinner then you also have to pay for it.  (Which PF Chang's isn't cheap.) Good luck with the stiuation and I hope you figure it out. 
    Posted by Clare13[/QUOTE]

    Just because you love something doesn't mean everyone else does.  If my MIL was a vegetarian when everybody else was meat and potatoes, and booked the groom's dinner at a raw vegetarian restaurant without bothering to consult us I would be pissed.  And so would my FI.  Why should she be grateful that she's taken control?  Nobody asked her to take control. 

    I hate this idea that we're not supposed to have any say in any plans if anybody else at all is contributing towards it.  That's stupid - if my FMIL decided to contribute towards our honeymoon, does that mean that we have to go to Canada in February if she wants?  If my FFIL was contributing towards the DJ, does that mean we're only allowed to play the music that he likes for the reception?
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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    dc*prepdc*prep
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think your FI needs to step in and talk to his mom about this. It can't fall on your shoulders alone. If it's a GROOM'S DINNER, then the groom should be involved.

    Oh, and for what it's worth... FI and I don't like PF Chang's. Sorry, but I've never eaten anything I've liked there :-/  But they do have good drinks :)
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    cukimerrydollcukimerrydoll member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_grooms-dinner-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:3b6f53cd-bb17-476b-976e-9e96cbb244dePost:c6800504-1436-4e14-b005-afe32c928328">Re: Grooms Dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think your FI needs to step in and talk to his mom about this. It can't fall on your shoulders alone. If it's a GROOM'S DINNER, then the groom should be involved.
    Posted by dc*prep[/QUOTE]
    This.

    Except I love PF Changs.  If you're thinking the one in Southdale, it's right by the Cheesecake Factory.  So you can always do dinner at PFC, and dessert at CF!  Yummy!
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