my FMIL is driving me crazy

irishmedic · September 2010

we are having a wedding of 120 people and we have alot of friends so we split up the guest list to numbers we thought were fair and eqal for everyone we keep asking her for a list of 35 people and she's give us 2 lists so far one with 100 and then she just managed to reduce it down to 80....FIL are not paying for ANYTHING and are being so demanding how do i make her see that she's being unreasonable without her getting angry with me

JenGin74 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:11c1b5f5-d7fa-40bb-b691-b839be50751aPost:55938c9d-c3b8-49eb-852c-df3f5f9d6f78">my FMIL is driving me crazy</a>:
[QUOTE]we are having a wedding of 120 people and we have alot of friends so we split up the guest list to numbers we thought were fair and eqal for everyone we keep asking her for a list of 35 people and she's give us 2 lists so far one with 100 and then she just managed to reduce it down to 80....FIL are not paying for ANYTHING and are being so demanding how do i make her see that she's being unreasonable without her getting angry with me
Posted by irishmedic[/QUOTE]

Tell her that if she can't choose just 35 people, that you'll choose for her from the list of 80.

suz62984 · September 2010

Have your Fi handle this. Tell them that they can either pay for anyone over 35 at the cost of ____/person or you are only inviting the first 35 on the list, who ever that may be. If they can't narrow it down you will take care of it for them. 80-100 people on their list is pretty ridiculous!

lisaandcorey · September 2010

Wow!!!

My fiance and I didn't ask our parents for lists. We are having an intimate ceremony with 80 guets and are inviting friends of our parents that we have know since we were children.

She should be grateful that you allowed her to make a list. II agree with the others about letting your FI handle it. No matter what, stick to the number you gave her.

Istremene · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:11c1b5f5-d7fa-40bb-b691-b839be50751aPost:c89cf5aa-9cec-4518-9e1a-6e814e745a9e">Re: my FMIL is driving me crazy</a>:
[QUOTE]Time to set some boundaries. Have FI tell her that 35 is her limit and give her a time deadline to get it to you. If she doesn't then just have your FI choose from her list 35 people.
Posted by mica001[/QUOTE]

This.

irishmedic · September 2010

i've tried that and so has he they are being unreasonable and his grandma even said to me that i should know that they aren't in the finantial situation to pay for all those people. my parent's aren't exactly rich and quite frankly i think it's rather rude of them to expect all these things i told FI that if she couldn't get the list together that he should just choose 35 and he said his mom threw a hissy fit now his brothers (who don't have girlfiends aka are not in relationships) that if they want to bring guests that they would have to take it out of the 35. we aren't letting anyone who is not Married/engaged?in a long term relationship bring guests......i'm about to just buy tickets to vagas....am i being totally unreasonable like FIL's are saying or should i keep standing my ground?!?!

suz62984 · September 2010

If you have already tried to warn her than oh well. Just don't say anything else about it. If she really wants to through a fit about her sons having guests then allow them guests but count those guests into the 35 people. Just let it go and do what you want without telling her. She isn't paying here so she doesn't have a say in the matter.

EDIT: You aren't being unreasonable. Just keep standing your ground. They are just saying that to manipulate you into giving them more guests. Don't buckle and feed their tantrum...or let FI!

LisaLPharmD · September 2010

Just explain to them that while you would like to let them invite everyone, you don't have the financial situation either. I would tell them that you would be glad to pay for their 35 guests, but that is all that you can cover in your budget. I would also tell them that if they have guests they want to invite on top of that, it will simply have to come out of their own pockets.

bdriley · September 2010

Tell her that she can easily go to the bottom of the invite list if she feels the people on her list MUST attend. Then give her a detailed cost list of everything you're paying for and give her the option to reimburse you for everything you're paying for so thatshe can invite whomever she wants. Should give her a reality check if she sees the actual cost you're paying for the wedding.

LisaLPharmD · September 2010

True, it's not just the added guests, it's the other costs too. My FMIL is paying for like an extra 20 guests. but I forgot to account for the $6 apiece invites, extra 2 centerpieces, additional programs, menu cards, chair covers etc. I figured out that if they all attend, it could cost me up to an additional $500!

my FMIL is driving me crazy

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