How did you handle "Maybe" RSVPs?

Re: How did you handle "Maybe" RSVPs?

• MilitaryBride2Be

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  Since your wedding is coming up soon, I feel like you could start contacting them as if they hadn't responded yet at all. Tell them why you need to know, I feel like they would understand.

  
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• beka0404

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  You are not out of line to contact them - I started contacting people 3-4 days before my numbers were due to the caterer.

  
  

  Because we had a buffet, I actually didn't include the maybes. I figured we'd be fine either way. I was so irritated with the fence-sitters that I wanted to send out nastygrams saying "if you can't decide, don't bother coming". Hello, cranky bridal nerves! I did send out some emails and FB messages that said "Hi, [name]! I'm just following-up with you to find out whether or not you'll be attending our wedding. My caterer needs my final head count by Monday. Thanks much and hope to see you soon!"

  
  

  
  

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• tpender13 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  We didn't have any "maybes" so i guess I didn't have to deal with that one myself. Maybe you could just give them a call and let them know that you need an exact number for your caterer so they know how much to bill you. That's true, right?
  
  I would make sure that it doesn't come off as you telling the person "Well, I don't want to pay $xx for your food if you're not going to show up!" -- that would just cause drama.

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  Well the problem is that they *have* been contacted and asked if they're coming and they still give a maybe answer!  argh.  It's sooo frustrating and I don't know how to say "Time is up on the Maybe's!" 

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• tpender13 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  Maybe you do need to point out the money part of it, then; something like "Hey, I know you've given me a maybe already, but I need to give the caterer our final payment and headcount. We'd love to see you and want to make sure you're fed if you're coming, but we don't want the money and meals to go to waste if you won't be there."
  
  That might not work for everyone that you need to talk to, but something tells me that the people who think that giving a "maybe" RSVP is okay also wouldn't recognize this as rude.
  

  

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• kmeinz member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  I haven't had to deal with this yet but I think you need to give them an ultimatum, without phrasing it as such. Pick a date a few days before your final numbers are due to the caterer and ask that they let you know by then. Make it clear that if they can't give you a definite yes by that date then they will be a no. It may seem a little harsh but it is also rude to leave you in limbo like that. I think it is a little ridiculous that someone can't figure out if they can attend an event less than a month away.

  
  
  
  

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• wittyschaffy member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  "Dearest friend - I have to give my final number to the caterer tomorrow.  I can't make table assignments and put in the final linen rental number (or whatever you need to use to get them to realize that this is insane for them to not reply) until I know if you're coming as well.  I need to know today one way or the other if you're going to be at the wedding or not.  If you can't tell me today, I am going to count you as a no and there will not be seating or a meal for you at the wedding.  I'm sorry to have to be so harsh about it but the RSVP deadline isn't just an arbitrary date.  Lots of things actually ride on it and I can't just go with a "maybe" on this one.  I would love to have you there and you are a big part of my life but you have to tell me if you can make it or not."

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_did-handle-maybe-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:030d2664-d699-489f-a3e6-53a2563a6e0ePost:9e587552-9d6e-47c8-aa76-a1df03018ced">Re: How did you handle "Maybe" RSVPs?</a>:
  [QUOTE]"Dearest friend - I have to give my final number to the caterer tomorrow.  I can't make table assignments and put in the final linen rental number (or whatever you need to use to get them to realize that this is insane for them to not reply) until I know if you're coming as well.  I need to know today one way or the other if you're going to be at the wedding or not.  If you can't tell me today, I am going to count you as a no and there will not be seating or a meal for you at the wedding.  I'm sorry to have to be so harsh about it but the RSVP deadline isn't just an arbitrary date.  Lots of things actually ride on it and I can't just go with a "maybe" on this one.  I would love to have you there and you are a big part of my life but you have to tell me if you can make it or not."
  Posted by wittyschaffy[/QUOTE]
  
  OMG I would sooooo love to say this!!! 

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• schmood member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  We also did not have any maybes.  We had multiple plated meal choices, so our venue said they'd be making a few extra of each option, just in case A) someone changed their mind on food we had some 'extras' show up.   They only charged us for the # that we gave them a head count for.  We ended up having 3 people who responded yes not show.   But 2 people who didn't think they'd make it in time for dinner, did in fact arrive in time.  They were still able to eat - no problem. 
  But as PP mention, give them a deadline date.  If you don't hear from them, you are going to assume their answer is no.  I think that's totally fair.

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