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(thanks for letting me) Vent

drama1308drama1308
500 Comments
in Christian Weddings
I'm so tired of things not going my way. (Yes I know that makes me seems like a bridezilla)

first: unity ceremony at the end, not where we wanted it. We wanted it right before vows because we will also be having a family prayer circle gathering thing after the unity candle.


second: all the ceremony music has to get approved. Fine (or so I thought), mine's all instrumental. I submitted my music and got it back today. Even though ALL of my music is instrumental (except for Love Never Fails by Brandon Heath) There is music that isn't allowed. The music pastor will not let me play "I can't help falling in love" by Elvis, "If" by Bread "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers "In your arms tonight" by ?? "You and Me" by lifehouse (They can all be found here: http://weddingmusicproject.bandcamp.com/album/classic-love-songs)

According to the church policy (which I did not recieve until today) All music must be God-honoring. "[the church] believes that a wedding ceremony is a worship service and therefore holy...all music must be godly and or God honoring."

The pastor said that even though the music is instrumental he had to look up the lyrics and everything to make sure it was ok. (Might I point out that Lifehouse is sorta a Christian Band)

Thanks for letting me vent. I realize that there's really nothing I can do about this, but it's very discouraging.
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Re: (thanks for letting me) Vent

  • mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would have flipped out. I'm so sorry :(

    Do you want me to try to dig up Emily's post with all her music in it? I believe it was all Christian. I can do that for you if you want since I know she's not around.
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  • letyourselfgoletyourselfgo
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We're dealing with the same thing. Completely sympathize.
    While I understand that a marriage ceremony is between God, the bride and the groom (Married in his sight).....the complete lack of being able to personalize our service is becoming the worst sort of PITA.

    We're extremely lucky in that our very favorite pieces that we'd picture at a wedding are either piano sonatas by Chopin and Beethoven or are actual legit Christian songs or hymns. However, FI's favorite hymn (Eternal Father Strong to Save) can't be sung at church because it is deemed 'inappropriate for the occasion' , and that song is IN our synod's Service Book/Hymnbook. It all makes no sense.......grrrrrrr.
    "Who died and made you Dagon?" - stackeye210 I'm supposed to be falling for myself...and not falling for just any guy out there in the world.....
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  • drama1308drama1308
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_thanks-letting-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3b91338b-8cf5-4a54-ba5f-a457ebc9f9f9Post:5a86d1be-bb89-406b-90c7-df5454a5529d">Re: (thanks for letting me) Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would have flipped out. I'm so sorry :( Do you want me to try to dig up Emily's post with all her music in it? I believe it was all Christian. I can do that for you if you want since I know she's not around.
    Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for offereing, but I think I have enough music to cover the prelude. At this point I don't care if it repeats. Thankfully none of it was the music I had chosen for the actual ceremony
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  • kellya01kellya01
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So sorry about your disappointments!  I don't think that makes you a"bridezilla" - but really, it is your wedding (you and your FI and your families and friends) and sometimes we don't always understand why the church tells us things like that, and it makes it tough when we can't get what we want.  :-/  

    Btw, I know some church pastors that won't even allow any music that can be attributed to Beethoven to be played in their church ... they really are serious when they mean "composed for the church," and not just "classical" church music! 
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  • mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    By the way, drama, I would have flipped out. So props to you. FI and I didn't get married in a church for that reason...haha.
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  • drama1308drama1308
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_thanks-letting-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3b91338b-8cf5-4a54-ba5f-a457ebc9f9f9Post:68e10b12-cfa4-40af-bf48-38dc5480a17a">Re: (thanks for letting me) Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]By the way, drama, I would have flipped out. So props to you. FI and I didn't get married in a church for that reason...haha.
    Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

    I'm almost wishing we weren't right now. It would have made things a lot easier. Sigh. At the end of the day I will be married, I just have to keep telling myself that.
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  While it is not uncommon for churches to restrict what music is played, waiting until a week before the wedding to tell you is pretty absurd!  I can say most definitely I would have flipped out, and probably to the pastor instead of in private!  Kudos to you on keeping your cool, but I'm sorry this happened, especially at the last minute :-(
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  • drama1308drama1308
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_thanks-letting-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3b91338b-8cf5-4a54-ba5f-a457ebc9f9f9Post:8cfec352-a2df-4391-9b98-6fabb367681b">Re: (thanks for letting me) Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  While it is not uncommon for churches to restrict what music is played, waiting until a week before the wedding to tell you is pretty absurd!  I can say most definitely I would have flipped out, and probably to the pastor instead of in private!  Kudos to you on keeping your cool, but I'm sorry this happened, especially at the last minute :-(
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    What ticked me off the most was that I never got the "rules" until today. I knew the music had to be reviewed but I thought I was in the clear (all instrumental). If I had known the rules ahead of time then I probably wouldn't have room to complain.. but it was not in my packet of information.

    Actually I think I was too shocked to say anything in person. It was like BAM your music isn't ok because some of the lyrics (which will not be heard) talk about plain love and not the love of God so they aren't ok.
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  • drama1308drama1308
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_thanks-letting-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3b91338b-8cf5-4a54-ba5f-a457ebc9f9f9Post:700d5bdd-fe37-4783-a3f0-4dbe034e6582">Re: (thanks for letting me) Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]So sorry about your disappointments!  I don't think that makes you a"bridezilla" - but really, it is your wedding (you and your FI and your families and friends) and sometimes we don't always understand why the church tells us things like that, and it makes it tough when we can't get what we want.  :-/   Btw, I know <strong>some church pastors that won't even allow any music that can be attributed to Beethoven to be played in their church ... they really are serious when they mean "composed for the church," and not just "classical" church music</strong>! 
    Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

    Crazy!! I hope those pastors tell you up front!!
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  • agape1cor813agape1cor813
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I can understand a church having to screen the music, the church we got married in was the same way, but they said screening the songs didn't apply to instrumental music. I guess if you are using the church you have to play by their rules ...
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    That really stinks - sorry!
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  • FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_thanks-letting-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3b91338b-8cf5-4a54-ba5f-a457ebc9f9f9Post:68e10b12-cfa4-40af-bf48-38dc5480a17a">Re: (thanks for letting me) Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE] FI and I didn't get married in a church for that reason...haha.
    Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
    Us too, haha!!

    Drama, I'm so sorry. It seems a little silly that they won't let you play instrumental music! I would be upset.

    That said, I'm sure your new music choices are going to be lovely and like you said, at the end of the day, all that matters is that you and FI are Mr. and Mrs.!

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  • AshNoel8AshNoel8
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    While it is true that a wedding IS a worship service and should honor God, the requirements for music should have been clearly communicated to you at the beginning and not now. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. No matter what, it will be beautiful! 
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