VENT - I am an IDIOT! ceremony writing issue

butterflyjumper1 · July 2012

So, fiance and I had our final meeting/counseling session with my family minister last night.

Maybe I am just dumb, but I didn't realize that our minister wanted us to write every single piece of our ceremony (like the final prayer, the call to worship, etc.).

I went into our meeting with our program and our vows and thought I was super well prepared. Our minister thought I was a huge idiot for not being more prepared by having all the pieces of our program written. Apparently he wants us to essentially come up with all the wording for everything, other than his homily.

Is this normal? or was I really that stupid to think that he would come up with the language for things like the prayer, call ro worship, etc.?

He said he wants us to be happy with everything - that since we want a more contemporary service, he wants us to pick the words he uses so that it is what we want. But it's going to be SO MUCH WORK. UGHHHHH

On a happier note, I finally thought of a job for my ornery and outrageous 12 year old cousin (his sister is a junior bridesmaid so I have felt bad about not including him in the ceremony). Since I don't have any brothers, he is going to be the usher/escort for my grandma during the "seating of the grandmother" and then he will go back and escort my mother for her escort out to light to unity candle (my mom is his aunt). It should be really adorable, and he feels special about having such an important job where everyone will be looking at him :-D

colleenm18 · July 2012

WOW! That is a ton of work and I would not think normal... If you are already overwhelmed can't you just say to him that you would prefer him to do the writing??

molly&dale · July 2012

That does seem like a ton of work! We are Orthodox, so we won't even say a word during our ceremony, much less choose the words said. Haha!! I wonder if there are transcripts of ceremonies online that you could use as a template and then edit or add your own touches to??

honeybear072012 · July 2012

Oh man! You are not an idiot! That is not normal! I'd have no idea even where to start! Can you tell him that you are ok with the traditional ceremony and just go with the normal wording that he'd use?

That's great that you thought of a job for your cousin!

KatieK501 · July 2012

You are not an idiot - and he should not have made you feel that way. While it's nice that he wants to make sure you are happy with the service, I don't think that's the norm. And, IMO, he's the professional in the situation - he should be the one to write what he says. If it's going to stress you out to try to come up with everything, tell him you'd rather have him, as the experienced leader, write it. But if you want to try, I'm sure a google search would be helpful.

dawnleanna1 · July 2012

That does not seem normal. In fact I was super worried about having to come up with stuff for our ceremony, and when I met with our pastor on Tues he said he would take care of it all. I agree with pp, I would just use a ceremony as a template and add your own touches. That is a lot of work to spring on someone 16 days out.

colleenm18 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_vent-i-am-an-idiot-ceremony-writing-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:21e11888-c83c-4142-b46b-5db4c77af6afPost:cd5ed369-1f8c-4757-985a-d8014f7b2ace">Re: VENT - I am an IDIOT! ceremony writing issue</a>:
[QUOTE]That does not seem normal. In fact I was super worried about having to come up with stuff for our ceremony, and when I met with our pastor on Tues he said he would take care of it all. I agree with pp, I would just use a ceremony as a template and add your own touches. That is a lot of <strong>work to spring on someone 16 days out.</strong>
Posted by dawnleanna1[/QUOTE]

Butterfly This just made me so excited for you!!!

k8888 · July 2012

If my priest told us we had to come up with the wording for any of that stuff I would have laughed in his holy face.

No, you're def not an idiot.

michelle11988 · July 2012

Holy crapy that totally sucks! Can you google those things? I am getting married in the catholic church and we got a book with all of these things in it and we chose from what they had. It's at my house but I could scan it and send it to you via tonight if you want it as a guide! Let me know!

butterflyjumper1 · July 2012

He DID give us some templates.....I really just have no idea where to start in re-writing prayers and things like that. UGH. I think I might just send him something really generic and then ask him to fix it and make it correct. It's the song choices and the format that make our service contemporary, in my opinion, not the wording that he uses in our prayers and things like that, SO I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS AS LONG AS HE SAYS STUFF. hahaha.

Thank you guys for making me feel a little better. He made me feel like everyone out there who gets married writes their entire ceremony from beginning to end. Obviously we have chosen songs and worked with our musicians and arranged the order for everything and worked on vows....I just hadn't actually written his call to worship. SO FRUSTRATING.

Colleen I can't believe I am 16 days out AHHHHHHH

kimandjosh22 · July 2012

I don't think that's normal. Our pastor did have us pick the wording for everything but the homily, but from a book of christian wedding ceremonys (there were like 20 choices for each part of the ceremony) and then we changed the wording of some things to make it fit better....try googling wording options, or see if a library has the book we used, it was very helpful, unfortunately I gave it back to the church and I can't remember the title.
Good Luck!

BrightFirefly · July 2012

Our minister wrote EVERYTHING and then we edited as we saw fit. That's insane. What is the minister's job - if not to write the ceremony?

mekiakoo · July 2012

Uh no way. We picked out our own readings and songs, that was it.

littlemoments324 · July 2012

butterfly-if you would like me to send you my ceremony I will

It doesn't have any words of worship or anything like that...but it can give you can idea..I pretty much googled ceremony ideas and I just went off of what I saw on a few different websites...

tszostek · July 2012

Wow! I can not imagine, my wedding is the same day as yours, and i could not imagine right now having to add that on to my never ending to-do list! The only thing I came up with for our ceremony is the order and the reading for the sand ceremony because our minister is not all that familiar with sand ceremonys. I would ask him if he could help guide you in the right direction!

ILoveToRobot · July 2012

Like PP said that's not normal. We asked a friend to get ordained to marry us and we aren't even writing the ceremony. I'd give him a call and ask him to write it and maybe he could send it to you to get your approval.

Madisonpenny · July 2012

That isn't normal. However I wrote out my entire ceremony myself anyways just because I'm a micro-managing CONTROL Freak! LOL. Actually our Rev. was super impressed with what I came up with and asked if he could use our ceremony for future ceremonies he officiates.

VENT - I am an IDIOT! ceremony writing issue

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