Destination Wedding

ashleynicole2989 · October 2010

My fiance and I want to have a destination wedding in St. Lucia. We would like for the wedding to have an intimate setting and it only be us there. We plan on having a reception for our family and friend when we get back to celebrate our new life together. I am wondering if it would be ok to send out an announcement of our wedding/reception invite all in one? Also, should we play a video of the wedding at the reception? Should we still register? Should we still have a bridal shower before we leave for the wedding?

Simply Fated · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e5ac83bd-6ae4-4862-89c5-3ffc9c9aae5bPost:6e56536e-b490-4c59-bc18-bcda1b7a4573">Re: Destination Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Destination Wedding : So you want to go to St. Lucia and not invite anybody to come with you? If I wasn't invited to the ceremony I definitely don't want to sit and watch a video of it.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I mean, it's one thing if I just couldn't make it for what ever reason, but if I wasn't even invited to the ceremony, but I'm watching it at the reception? Kinda weird, imo. Maybe you can have some pictures up on a table, instead?

bellebride116 · October 2010

I think if you want an intimate wedding that's fine, but throwing a party and inviting a ton of people makes it not intimate at all and looks like you just want gifts. You can't be at the ceremony, but come to the reception? Either have the wedding ceremony and invite everyone {if they want to travel to come then that's great and if not then that's fine too} and have the reception too or just have an intimate wedding and let that be that.

bakes218 · October 2010

My FI and I are doing something similar. We are having a small ceremony with just our parents and then we are going to have a housewarming/BBQ at our house this summer. It will not be a reception or anything like a reception. No wedding cake, videos, no wedding stuff. I think it would be rude to rub in everyone's face that they were not invited. However we do want to celebrate with everyone.

IMO, I would not have the video or announce that you got married but are having a reception. It might seem gift grabby.

eastunder1 · October 2010

I don't think there is anything weird or wrong with playing the video of your wedding. I had friends who got married in Canada and had a video of their wedding playing at the AHR a few weeks later. It wasn't a focus point, it was just playing in the background. I don't recall anyone fainting or running out in anger. Its not a big deal. If you want to play one, play one. Your friends and family will know you got married 2000 miles away at a private ceremony. Its not like they're going to be offended all of a sudden by proof of such. If anything, they will find it interesting, what with being your friends and family and all.

There is nothing wrong with an AHR. They're rather common.

I wouldn't do an "announcement" of your wedding per say, just send out invites to the reception like you would any other party. Guests will understand whats happening.

You can't have a bridal shower for people not invited to the actual wedding, which pretty much means no shower. That comes with the turf. Lose the big wedding, lose the bridal shower. Sorry. I would still register, because some people will probably still want to get you gifts. Don't put registry info in/on the reception invites, just let it spread word of mouth.

The other replies in this thread are really odd.

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Beachy730 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e5ac83bd-6ae4-4862-89c5-3ffc9c9aae5bPost:9bd013fe-14df-4ce9-9111-7fdbf9038dfb">Re: Destination Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think there is anything weird or wrong with playing the video of your wedding. I had friends who got married in Canada and had a video of their wedding playing at the AHR a few weeks later. It wasn't a focus point, it was just playing in the background. I don't recall anyone fainting or running out in anger. Its not a big deal. If you want to play one, play one. Your friends and family will know you got married 2000 miles away at a private ceremony. Its not like they're going to be offended all of a sudden by proof of such. If anything, they will find it interesting, what with being your friends and family and all. There is nothing wrong with an AHR. They're rather common. I wouldn't do an "announcement" of your wedding per say, just send out invites to the reception like you would any other party. Guests will understand whats happening. You can't have a bridal shower for people not invited to the actual wedding, which pretty much means no shower. That comes with the turf. Lose the big wedding, lose the bridal shower. Sorry. I would still register, because some people will probably still want to get you gifts. Don't put registry info in/on the reception invites, just let it spread word of mouth. <strong>The other replies in this thread are really odd.</strong> </novel />
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

The way she talked about playing the video of the ceremony at the wedding I assume she meant have everyone sit and watch it. If its playing in the background thats different.

I don't mind AHR, but I think its very strange that she wouldn't invite a single person to the ceremony, but still want a reception and shower. If you have people close enough to you that you want them to throw you a shower and come to your reception, I would think you would want them at your ceremony too.

vicki0508 · October 2010

I think the difference between what OP is suggesting and a traditional AHR is that nobody is invited to her wedding. So it's not an AHR for guests who couldn't travel to the DW. It comes across as gift grabby.

I like Bakes's suggestion, a celebratory "get together" that isn't necessarily wedding related.

ETA: dnb beat me to the punch

bakes218 · October 2010

East, I don't agree about no shower. At first I did not want a shower at all for the very reasons you said. However, my family and friends kept asking me about my shower and they knew they were not going to be invited to the wedding. A few of my friends decided to have a shower for me. At first I was hesitant but many people said to me that they understood why I was having a small ceremony but still wanted to celebrate with me in some way. So I am having a shower and I am glad because I will get to spend that time with them celebrating.

redheadfsu · October 2010

An at home reception is fine. Just make it more of a party than a traditional reception. Cut out things like first dance, throwing the bouquet, etc. I would send out invites, not an announcement & invites.

You can't have a bridal shower as no one is invited to the actual wedding. I personally I think registering is in bad taste. When you have a non-traditional wedding, you give up tradtional things like showers.

squirrly · October 2010

No registry or shower.

You can play the video, but make it something the guest CHOOSES to watch, not something they're force-fed. Pictures are great.

A wedding announcement and the invitation to your AHR are two separate things and should be mailed separately - the announcement should be mailed the day of your DW, and the invite should be mailed 6 - 8 weeks before the AHR.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that all AHR guests should be initally invited to the DW as well, but it is not technically required. It does feel very gift-grabby to me, though.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Destination weddings are relatively new so the etiquette is still be written. They are a modern version of an elopement and as such you forfeit the traditions associated with a wedding such as showers and receptions. However, if friends want to give some kind of party in your honor, I think that is fine, but I personally think it is inapprorpiate to give your own party regardless of what you call it since there is still the subtle suggestion that presents might be in order.

I guess if you are going to do this party, the video could be one somewhere but absolutely not where guests are forced to watch it if for no other reason than other people's videos are usually rather boring.

Destination Wedding

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