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NWR but my phone won't let me post on TN

Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
in Military Brides
I'm going home in September to finish my officer's package. This is the first time I will be visiting PA without DH since I moved to CA. So far my in-laws, mom, and dad have all asked me to stay with them. Since FIL is retired Army whose most recent position was as a recruiter he is helping me out a lot with my package. I had planned on staying with them because of that but my mom is being all butt hurt about me hating her and we have a crappy relationship (my parents are recently divorced which she is struggling with and a kid she took in [long story] because she has a burning desire to be a good Samaritan just moved out and was in short a dovche).

I want to take care of my business first and foremost. That is what this trip is about. I know I don't have to stay with my in-laws to do that but my mom will want me to be with her 24/7 if I stay with her and get all negative Nancy on me the second I say I'm doing something else. Fortunately my dad could care less he just wants to know what I'm doing so he can clean my room (lol at my dad cleaning my room when I'm 23). I'm about to borrow a tent from my dad and find a nice spot at my grandparents farm so no one can be mad. Oh wait my mom would think I like my dad better if I borrow a tent from him. I wish everyone would just get over it. Actually, I wish my mom would take her own advice that you choose to be positive or negative and change out of her grumpy pants.

I'm not sure if this was a vent or WWMBD type of thing but suggestions are welcome.
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Re: NWR but my phone won't let me post on TN

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I would never go home and not stay at my parent's house, especially if H wasn't with me.  But I have a great relationship with my parents.

    Stay where you will feel most comfortable.  Would it be possible to do one night at your moms at the end of the trip?
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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm thinking one night at her place would be best. I know my application will be complete about a week before I go home so maybe a week with her would even be a good choice. I think the most difficult thing about staying with my parents is that they're recently divorced and my mom still has the idea that I have to choose. So I have been avoiding that by choosing to stay with my in-laws when I go home eventhough DH says we can stay wherever I want, even when he is with me.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Can you split it up?
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Divorced parents is tough, especially as an adult when they don't see the need to be the grown up in the situation. Personally, I'd be straight with her. Explain that it is easier to stay with your ILs while doing the work, but you'd love to spend some quality time with her after. And tell her directly that you don't like feeling pulled in both directions, and that you love her and do want to spend time with her, but that you don't appreciate being guilted into it. But I tend to set clear boundaries with my manipulative family members. It works for me because I don't have enough patience for that kind of drama.

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  • kara811kara811 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with splitting it up but you could also just stay at your ILs but make sure that you do see your parents and spend some time with them. 
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  • mob2689mob2689
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's the one thing I despised about going home and my parents weren't divorced I got pitted against the IL and my parents from my parents. I actually dreaded it after the first time. The second time I stood my ground but for different reasons that you have.

    You have a valid reason, it's yoor career and life you are working on and what parent doesn't want the best for their child?

    Spend time with her but be be honest that it's nothing against her that you just have matters to take care of and it would be easier on you to stay with them while getting things in order and when you spend the night or 2 with her the hard part is done and you can relax and enjoy time with her.
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