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age difference

candissj2000candissj2000
First Comment
in Second Weddings
I was just wondering if there is a big age difference between any of you and your fi. This is both of our second marriages, i have been divorced for a year and fi has been separated for 13 years. Im 27 and he is 41. Now I dont have a problem with the age difference I love him more then I could ever know and all of our families are ok with, we just have a few friends that are like wtf are you thinking. Does anyone think thats to big of a difference?
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Re: age difference

  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I'm the other way.  I'm 50 now, he just turned 41.  I traded the first husband in on a newer model.  :-)    Men my age just couldn't keep up with me, and beleive me, I looked.  I happened to be asked out by one guy who was 18 years younger than me.  We went out, and had a blast, but he wanted kids, I don't want anymore, etc.  So I just kept looking, but that experience gave me the confidence to look at younger men.  I dated a couple of other guys who were younger than me before meeting DH. 


    Interestingly, the sites like e-harmony won't match women with men who are younger than they are, but will match women with older men.  Makes no sense, since men die younger than women. 

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  • Erin McCormackErin McCormack
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI and I are only a few months apart, but, my cousin married her husband who was 14 years her senior and they've been together for over 25 years happily.

    True love doesn't care about age.....
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  • orangespidersorangespiders member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm 16 years younger but we mesh well. Age is but a number.

    This is my third, his also. My previous marriage lasted 10 years to a man that was 19 years older than me. Had I not been a total jerk it would have lasted forever. There is a lot more to it than that however, I now know how to treat people and what not to do in a relationship.

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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My DH is just 2.5 years older than I am.  I think it completely depends on the people, and you can't generalize about what is too many years difference.  My grandparents were 26 years different, and were happily married for 41 years until my grandfather died.
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm nearly a decade older than my fiance and we're ok with that. :)
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When I was 21 I lived with a man 13 years old than myself. He didn't want kids, but we were together for over 4 years.

    I have a child with a man 7 years YOUNGER than me. If he'd been a different person, we'd still be together.

    My fiance is only 7 months older than I am. The things that were wrong in the prior relationships had nothing to do with AGE.

    I would caution you, however, if having kids or not having kids is something you disagree on, that could be a major issue. If you agree on your philosophies in life, have similar approaches to money, you should be fine, because those are the major issues in marriages

    Good luck. Don't worry about it.
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  • Cattm42Cattm42 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you agree on money, kid, inlaw, and religion issues, age won't matter. Those are the top 4 that lead to divorce.

    Edit to add: I am 7 years younger than FI.
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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My late husband was 5 years older than me, my fi is 7 years older than I am- age makes absolutely no difference. Especially when the woman is younger, and I say this only in terms of starting a family.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm 56.  My wife is 41.  In my mind, a large age difference is an issue, in terms of your perhaps wanting different things due to the fact that you are at different life stages.  However, all couples have some areas of incompatibility.  The real question is whether your areas of compatiblity outweigh theage difference.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have an issue - but its not age.  You wrote your Fi was seperated for 13 years.  Is he divorced?  Or just seperated?  ~Donna
    P.S.  The age doesn't bother me.
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm about 2 years older than my fiance. I am 52 and he just turned 50. He totally doesn't believe in huge age differnces. His dad was 20 years older than his mom and he saw it as a disadvantage.
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  • candissj2000candissj2000
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    he in going through the divorce now. He always said he was never getting married again so never saw the reasoning to pay the money, and then we met lol. As for the kid topic we are both done having them, so were good there. I love him and couldnt see my life without him. The age is nothing to me i just wanted some others opinions,

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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_age-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:e3c2934f-7256-48e0-a775-98b68a553a9dPost:71636681-9b98-4efb-abe9-93ab10c7a3ca">Re: age difference</a>:
    [QUOTE]he in going through the divorce now. He always said he was never getting married again so never saw the reasoning to pay the money, and then we met lol. As for the kid topic we are both done having them, so were good there. I love him and couldnt see my life without him. The age is nothing to me i just wanted some others opinions,
    Posted by candissj2000[/QUOTE]

    While this is clearly none of my business, but since it has come up...

    His estranged wife never wanted to get on with HER life in the span of 13 years?  Even if neither planned to re-marry, carrying around a legal spouse keeps you connected on many levels.  I hope she's not still under the impression that she has a "husband."  (No, that's not implying they are "together" at all!  I just mean I wonder if she still carries feelings for him and assumed since he never went ahead with anything legal that they could one day get back together.)
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  • pamila51510pamila51510
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are 8 years apart in age but I don't think that makes much of a difference! HAHA i have trouble keeping up with him and he is the older one! Oh well it is wonderful having a husband that is so much fun and loves down time to! I found the perfect man! I finally found someone that respects me and loves me no matter what! I don't think the age thing made a difference although I find it crazy that I now have a 21 year old step son!!  
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  • candissj2000candissj2000
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    no his ex felt the same way and now that we are getting married shes like well its about time lol. Neither of them were worried about it.
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  • kmwessel79kmwessel79 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI is 7 years younger than I am.  At first it was awkward, but now we don't even think about it, except to make jokes.  We are MFEO. :) lol So no worries, if it's right it's right. 
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  • suzieharrissuzieharris
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI is 8 years younger than me.  Made me laugh the other day when my 12 year old son found out and said, "WHAT...you are younger than my mom?"  That was  a pretty cool feeling. 
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    It's great to see so many women marrying younger men. I'm in the same boat. I'm 47 and he's 32. My ex and I are the same age. Got married at 20. Married 25 plus years. I dated mostly younger guys, some my age. I just didn't click with any of the guys my age. The only issue was kids. I needed to make sure he was secure in the fact we would not have any. He is a great Dad to my kids as their bio Dad is a deadbeat. The kids love him. Something funny happened the other day that caught me by surprise. He was talking to his Grandmother who is wonderful and supportive but very family oriented so she wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into (not being able to have his own bio kids). He said he told her if it wasn't for my kids he would definitely had to think about going into a marriage where he couldn't have any. I laughed at that. I thought with most guys the kids are what chases them away lol Mine were the clincher it seems.

    There are additional issues when there is an age difference either way but hopefully they can be resolved. And it's becoming much more excepted although that would never be a problem for me. I'm a rebel at heart.

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  • _Dagney__Dagney_ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My ex was much older (18 years).  That is NOT why our relationship ended.
    My FI is rather younger (8 years).  I'm not worried about it.

    HAHA  I'm just not an ageist.


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  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI is also younger - almost 10 years. I figure, I'm immature, he's mature - it balances out. :)
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  • mswood1977mswood1977 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My husband is 2 years yonger than me so not really an age difference.  My ex was 7 years older than me and sometimes I could really feel the difference, but I think that is just becasue of who my ex was.  My brother's wife is 59 and he is 37 and they have been married for 12 years and are still happy together.  I don't think once you are adults that the age matters, what matters is the people involved.
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  • tkcollettetkcollette member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Age is only a number...if you are both happy in the relationship, that is what really matters. I am eight and a half years older then my fi, and I can't imagine someone more perfect for me then he is.
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