REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?

lizzie.duvall · July 2011

So I've noticed a trend happening on these boards in response to many girls’ complaints that their MOH, BM, or families aren't pulling their own weight or taking part in the wedding planning process. Now I am TOTALLY for the phrase that you should NEVER expect anything from anyone.. and your wedding is no exception. But after reading NUMEROUS posts where these girls are getting bashed for wanting their party to care.. I have to ask.. do you REALLY not care if you don't receive any gifts or parties?

Now I know what type of responses I'll get for this so I feel the need to defend myself already haha. For me, I would never ask for, force, or make anyone do anything for me no matter if this is a one-time opportunity. I would also never expect others to care as much as I do about my wedding. BUT I have a hard time believing that some of you ladies really would not be upset if you didn't get these things. At the very least, I would be hurt, but never actually tell anyone but maybe my FH. I mean if your birthday rolls around and all your FH or best friends said was "happy birthday" that’s really enough to you?! HAHA. I didn't think so.

So tell me ladies! For those of you who say, "No one is guaranteed a bachelorette party, bridal shower, or gifts?" Did you receive them? Did you girls REALLY only buy the dress you wanted them to wear and show up??? Or what was your reasoning?

Just curious

banana468 · July 2011

I had two showers and a bachelorette. And if I had no shower or no girls night out I'd be bummed but I would never have called anyone out on it.

j_jaye · July 2011

I wouldn't care in the least. We don't have a registry and when asked we are saying there is no need to get us a gift. We don't have showers where I am from and personally the idea of one makes me ill. B parties are also more of a girls night out where you pay your own way. People will probably buy the bride a drink each but other than that nothing is expected. Elaborate weekends away are also pretty rare for a BP.

ShakeUpTampa · July 2011

I would be hurt because I am the first in my immediate social circle to get married and they know that the bridal world was my life for a few years working and I still kind of touch base in it lol. My friends knew when I had my 26th birthday and could not walk and had to cancel my themed party and no one did ANYTHING I was so depressed...It's not so much about the GIFTS as having them around to celebrate. They know I would do the same for them and I am grateful my girls are excited to do these things. They wanted to surprise me but due to my type of work I had to schedule a Saturday off for the shower and tell my boss as soon as possible so we all voted on a date...other then that I know nothing.

dianeb22 · July 2011

This is my second go around and I do not wish for or expect any party of any sort nor did I have one for my first marriage. Happy as a lark on a sunny spring day. : ) The only thing I expect my BP to do is buy their dress, show up for the wedding, and have fun.

CassieeK · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_really-bachlorette-party-showers-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ca71c39-c36c-4337-b30e-3290eb754fbcPost:e3656c05-3d16-4f35-9ab6-c9cc4fcaa126">Re: REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had two showers and a bachelorette.<strong> And if I had no shower or no girls night out I'd be bummed but I would never have called anyone out on it.</strong>
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I would definitely be bummed, but I wouldn't hold it against anyone, and I wouldn't dare say anything.</div>

AdeleDazeem · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_really-bachlorette-party-showers-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ca71c39-c36c-4337-b30e-3290eb754fbcPost:6c3bd031-1a73-4575-829a-155b766b2915">REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]. I mean if your birthday rolls around and all your FH or best friends said was "happy birthday" that’s really enough to you?! HAHA. I didn't think so.
Posted by lizzie.duvall[/QUOTE]

Honestly? Yes, all I expect on my birthday is "Happy Birthday," Seriously and I am not lying. I'm not six.

I didn't have a bachelorette party - I did not want one and turned down the offer. I did have a mini shower, but I would have been fine if I didn't have one. My mother in law offered to throw a second shower, too, but I also turned that down.

I can understand being hurt if no one offered to have these parties for you, it's a bit of a self esteem destroyer. But acting like you deserve all these parties and that you need all this attention isn't okay. That's what we're trying to remind girls of when they fly off the handle about the lack of attenion, fawning, and money spent on them.

EDIT: oh! gifts! I tried to do everything in my power to not have a gifts table at our AHR because I expected absolutely nothing. Turns out, we got a lot of stuff. But, it was a pleasant surprise because we didn't expect a thing.

eorea · July 2011

I am probably not getting any of these things. No shower or no gifts. My sister (MOH) informed me last night she might want to throw me a bachelorette party. I am not even sure if I want one. It was sweet of her to offer but if she didn't I wouldn't really care.

I am not bummed about it all.

femmepink · July 2011

I honestly don't care about gifts. I honestly can say I don't want or expect them. My FI and I have been living together for a long time (3 years) and have most of what we need and what we don't have, we buy ourselves.

With that said, I would be bummed if I didn't have gatherings to celebrate my upcoming marriage and my "leaving singledom" with my friends and family. If my friends and family didn't throw me a shower (to get together, not for money or gifts), or have a bachelorette...yes I'd be bummed.

caseyhaynes429 · July 2011

HAHA I love this post... I was thinking the same thing every time posters get attacked for wanting these things. I would totally be bummed if I didnt. Not because of the gifts but because of the thought and tradition of it all. I would never say anything to anyone if I didnt get it but totally understand for a bride to be upset if no one in her BP/family steps up to do or at least offer to do one of these parties for her. It's part of the whole journey of being engaged.

lizzie.duvall · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_really-bachlorette-party-showers-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ca71c39-c36c-4337-b30e-3290eb754fbcPost:01938334-422b-43ff-af7f-0c10bb31be8f">Re: REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]HAHA I love this post... I was thinking the same thing every time posters get attacked for wanting these things. I would totally be bummed if I didnt. Not because of the gifts but because of the thought and tradition of it all. I would never say anything to anyone if I didnt get it but totally understand for a bride to be upset if no one in her BP/family steps up to do or at least offer to do one of these parties for her. It's part of the whole journey of being engaged.
Posted by caseyhaynes429[/QUOTE]

Haha oh good I'm glad someone agrees! It seems the consensus on here is that most would be really hurt, but never say anything, which I totally agree with! Its really not about the gifts either, but the traditions!

It also seems most that don't care either way, didn't want them, which is a whole different story.

Summer2011Bride · July 2011

I would be bummed but get over it. In all actuality, the bachelorette party was way more fun than the showers (although I'm grateful and thankful to the people who threw those). And if no one offered to host the b-party, I could still have rounded up my girls for a girls' night out and had the same amount of fun.

Hellokatie0517 · July 2011

As PPs have said, I would be bummed if I didn't have a shower, but I would never take the liberty to whine and complain to my BP or friends about it. I would quietly keep it to myself. I think what happens is that the some of these brides that come on here probably do keep it to themselves IRL, but spill their guts on TK.

LoveMuffins · July 2011

In my social circle, the BMs ALWAYS plan a shower and a bachlorette. we also always try to keep them as financially-easy for everyone as possible. but if my BMs didn't have any interest in hosting and didn't at least talk about it, that would be an extremely passive aggressive way of saying something to me, in my social circle... so i would be hurt, but only because that's the way things are done within the group of people i live with, and because with them, it would mean something if they didn't.

however, my FSIL is the only BM who did not help host/plan the shower, and as she is not part of my social circle, it didn't bother me at all. i know that she comes from a diff set of customs/expectations, and i wasn't not at all hurt or put off that she didn't participate in the hosting/planning.

Girlie1030 · July 2011

I did end up having a surprise work shower but honestly would have preferred not to. As for a friends & family shower, I declined the offer but would not have been upset had it never been offered to begin with. The bachelorette party - that was me and my best girl going out for fondue and wine then back to her house to watch a chic flick which is actually a standard girls night out for us a couple of times a year so it likely would have happened wedding or not.

I will say that I am blessed with an extremely supportive and thoughtful best friend and she did way more than just buy a dress and show up - most of it emotional support. I can see how a girl might be hurt or disappointed if her closest friends show zero interest in her wedding. I get excited for my friends when they get a new job, new boyfriend, hell even a new haircut and they do the same for me so I would be hurt if they weren't interested in it.

amberr110 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_really-bachlorette-party-showers-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8ca71c39-c36c-4337-b30e-3290eb754fbcPost:5b0e2d7b-72ee-413b-9ce9-2987931cf4e9">Re: REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In my social circle, the BMs ALWAYS plan a shower and a bachlorette. we also always try to keep them as financially-easy for everyone as possible. but if my BMs didn't have any interest in hosting and didn't at least talk about it, that would be an extremely passive aggressive way of saying something to me, in my social circle... so i would be hurt, but only because that's the way things are done within the group of people i live with, and because with them, it would mean something if they didn't.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>This. Until I came to TK, I had never even heard of BMs not assisting with the shower and throwing the b-party.

</div>

ginadog · July 2011

"do you REALLY not care if you don't receive any gifts or parties?"

This is my second wedding. My first marriage did NOT have any of this. No showers, no gifts, no engagement parties, no bach parties. It was really kind of a bummer. But to "their" defense, we were only engaged a week because we had to get married for insurance reasons. I guess that was the price I paid and I missed out.

Moving on...

I am currently engaged - for real! A proposal, ring and all (didn't have that either!).

I am very excited to plan a real wedding. My family didn't see me get married the first time and honestly they forgot I was married often!

However, I don't think anyone is going to throw any parties for me this time around. Not that I expect anyone to; logistics would make it too hard for starters. My dearest friends don't live in my state any more. My family doesn't live in my state either. I have casual friends here, but I don't think any of them would host anything for us.

It's kind of sad actually to miss out again. But at least I'll have a wedding. Even though it gets stressful at times, I'm making this wedding happen.

meima · July 2011

I don't expect showers or a bachelorette, but will I be bummed if no one throws one for me? Maybe a little, but only because I'm the one that throws/organizes them for everyone else, and I've never been the recipient of anything like that (ie: an event where I just get to enjoy!)

Regardless, I know my friends and family love me, and it doesn't make the process any less exciting.

deb84 · July 2011

Of course I would be bummed if no one offered to throw me any pre-wedding parties. But I would never say anything or make it known I was upset. I feel VERY honored that my sister (MOH) is planning a shower and b-party for me with the help of the other bridesmaids.
I don't feel these parties are a RIGHT.

ForeverEverAfter · July 2011

I only have one local BM, most family and friends are very far away, so it wasn't practical for me to fly home for a shower or stag and doe (I wasn't comfortable with the money-grubbing part of the stag and doe anyway, but they are standard where I come from). And I couldn't have either here, because we weren't able to invite all our local friends to the wedding. Am I bummed I missed out? ABSOLUTELY!! This weekend alone, 3 friends from home had showers with all the silly games and adorable baked goods and gifts, and my inner 6 yr old had a fit. But I'd NEVER say anything, esp where my BMs offered, and I told them it was okay to skip it bc of circumstances. My local BM knew I'd kinda wanted a shower, and surprised me with a food processor I wanted as a "not a shower gift" (soo sweet!!). And I know my MOH will throw a Bach party when they arrive for the wedding. I know the parties are a gift, not a right, and I'm happy to be getting married, and blessed with a wonderful BP that has been very supportive and involved, but when your other friends get them and you don't, it's normal to be bummed.

REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?

Re: REALLY? No bachlorette party, showers, or gifts?

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