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A question on the "plus 1" thing

misssswendymisssswendy member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi ladies- I'm sure this is not a new question, BUT...

We have a rather large wedding and it's something we are monitoring carefully. Mymom of all people (she is paying for the ceremony/party) scolded me for not having allotted for some of my single friends to bring guests. Her reasoning in part is that for some it was a long drive.  She didn't realize that we have about 20 singles that we're not having bring guests and adding in guests for those folks would kill our budget at this point by adding another $1000 or so to the bill. Most of these other singles though live within 30 mins of the wedding location, but not all.

SO- long story short: are we being jerks to not have singles bring a guest? And can we distinguish between people driving under 2 hours or over 2 hours?

thanks,
Wendy
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Re: A question on the "plus 1" thing

  • jenellsrevengejenellsrevenge
    100 Comments
    You really shouldn't pick and choose who may or may not bring a guest. Either all or none. Some people might get their feelings hurt or be offended because someone else was allowed to bring a guest and they weren't.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Well... if your mom thinks your single friends should be allowed to bring guests, and she's paying... what's the problem?
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    It is not expected or required to give singles a guest, but it is nice.  And yes you can distinguish between who gets one and who doesn't.  We were going back and forth on giving our singles a guest.  We knew at the very least that any of the OOT singles were being given guests so they had someone to travel with, and because they didn't know anyone else at the wedding.  The 2 singles that did travel chose to not bring a guest. 

    Anyone that has to travel a few hours to your wedding should get a guest.  Also, regardless of where they live, look into who they know at the wedding.  If its a mutual friend who knows plenty of people at the wedding, then they would be okay without one.  If they don't know anyone else there, you should give them a guest.  We were torn on what to do and ended up just giving all the singles a guest. 
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  • misssswendymisssswendy member
    First Comment
    Well, she will pay for a set amount of the ceremony/reception. If it goes over that $$ we have to pay so basically it's looking like $1000 out of our pockets. I guess there are just so many people I had to choose to not invite that I hate the idea of 20 strangers coming instead of 20 people I really wanted there but had to cut. :(
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  • jnic0319jnic0319
    500 Comments
    It's an all or nothing.  Just don't invite singles with guests or pay the $1000 to have them there if your mom is asking for this and is being generous enough to pay for everything else.
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  • nhelenenhelene
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-plus-1-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:991a7387-be63-4c64-ae01-ea38571f561bPost:88b9983b-1a7f-4977-9a87-5dacc262fe47">Re: A question on the "plus 1" thing</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, she will pay for a set amount of the ceremony/reception. If it goes over that $$ <strong>we have to pay so basically it's looking like $1000 out of our pockets. </strong>I guess there are just so many people I had to choose to not invite that I hate the idea of 20 strangers coming instead of 20 people I really wanted there but had to cut. :(
    Posted by misssswendy[/QUOTE]

    I don't know what your exact budget is or what else might go over the set amount... but I feel like paying that 1000 yourself would be worth it.   Especially if that's the ONLY money you'll be putting up for your entire wedding.
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  • claireungaclaireunga member
    First Comment
    I'd say if your single friends know a couple other people there, then you're completely fine not giving them a plus 1. For example, I'm planning on inviting a bunch of girls from my sorority but not giving them the option of a plus 1; since they all know each other, they won't be lonely even without a date and I'm saving a lot of money.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-plus-1-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:991a7387-be63-4c64-ae01-ea38571f561bPost:88b9983b-1a7f-4977-9a87-5dacc262fe47">Re: A question on the "plus 1" thing</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, she will pay for a set amount of the ceremony/reception. If it goes over that $$ we have to pay so basically it's looking like $1000 out of our pockets. I guess there are just so many people I had to choose to not invite that <strong>I hate the idea of 20 strangers coming instead of 20 people I really wanted there but had to cut. :(</strong>
    Posted by misssswendy[/QUOTE]

    I really disagree with this sentiment. Part of hosting is making the guests you invite feel comfortable. For some people, feeling comfortable involves bringing a date/friend. It would be nice to allow people who are traveling a long way or who do not know anyone else at the wedding to bring someone. Usually the WP members are also allowed to bring dates.
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  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments
    I agree with your mom, singles should be allowed to bring guests, they might have a date, would like someone to ride with, dance with, talk to, etc.
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    Just because you invite them with guests doesn't mean they will necessarily bring one either.  I invited all of my single guests to bring guests, and nobody has RSVPd with a guest yet.  It's just nice to give them that option.
    Married 10/2/10
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  • misssswendymisssswendy member
    First Comment
    quotequeen - thanks, good point.
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