July 2012 Weddings

XP- Grandmother doesn't want her picture taken... HELP!

Posted this on the Photo board, but realized not many people are there, so I'm asking you girls:

So when my mom and dad split up when I was only a few months old, my mom and I moved in with my grandparents until she remarried when I was 4. After that I stayed EVERY Saturday night until I was in 10th grade and then I was still there everyday after school to visit. My grandmother is like my other mom.

Before I was born, they discovered she had MS. She did fine for years. Then she needed to use the wall a lot of the time to help her balance, then it was a walker. Then it was a walker in the house and a wheelchair outside. Now its a wheelchair all the time and my grandpa uses a lift to get her from the bed to the chair. She doesn't walk or even stand and pivot anymore. She has a catheter bag and she's really uncomfortable.

I made sure the wedding was only 1 1/2 blocks away from her house because I need her to be there and that way, she won't even need to worry about using a car. She's agreed to come as long as she isn't sick, but she's refusing to have an pictures taken because she's uncomfortable with the way she is now. I know that her "pee bag" bothers her, but we can put it in a bag or I talked to her home health nurse and he'll give us a leg strap bag to use for the day. I've tried telling her I'll bring someone in to do her hair and everything if thats what it takes, but she still doesn't like it. I even told her I'd be willing to go to her house before or after the ceremony to get a few pictures if thats what she wanted.

How can I make her see that I don't care what she looks like? I want a picture with my grandmother on my wedding day. Any suggestions?
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Re: XP- Grandmother doesn't want her picture taken... HELP!

  • First, let me say, I deeply empathize with your grandmother. What a terrible disease to deal with - and I'm glad she is well enough to attend your wedding.

    Is it possible to tell her that nobody will see the pictures - except you and your husband-to-be (and the photographer)? That you make sure they're not in any public online galleries and you simply want them to be able to cherish at a later date?

    I honestly don't know. You are stuck in a very rough situation.
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  • I think she is more uncomfortable with other people seeing the pictures probably than anything else.  Just explain that you want some pictures with her on your wedding day to cherish at later dates.  That is a very rough situation you are in.  Maybe remind her that not everyone is lucky to have grandparents attend their weddings and it means a lot to you.

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  • Or maybe stress the importance - that you want your kids and grandkids to see what a wonderful grandmother you were fortunate to have in your life.

    Hmm..rough rough rough!
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  • It could also be that she just simply hates having her picture taken, and especially now.  I imagine that she has a low self-esteem over how she thinks she looks.  You could try telling her how much it means to you to have some photos with her but I wouldn't push it.  The last thing you want to do is guilt trip her into doing something.
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  • this is definitely a rough situation.  I can understand how she doesn't want people to remember her like how she is now.  She wants to be remembered as how she used to be. 

    I definitely agree with BrightFirefly & michelle about stressing the importance of her to you. 
  • Wow I am so sorry about this. I am not sure what to suggest, I wouldn't want you to guilt trip your grandmother. Maybe explain how she is the most important person in your life and you would love to be able to look back at the pictures and remember celebrating a special day with her? Did she say exactly why she does not want her pictures to be taken? Maybe you could have your photographer meet with your grandmother before the wedding so your grandmother can get to know him/her and possibly feel comfortable? He/she could reassure your grandmother that he/she will be sure that she looks lovely. Maybe even have a trail run with taking pictures with your grandmother and showing them to your grandmother?
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  • PPs have had great suggestions but another thing could be to suggest to her that you just do some private photos with her sometime during the day. You, her and the photographer could find a secluded spot so you can get the memories that you want and your grandmother doesn't feel so overwhelmed. I would bring up this option and emphasize how special this would be.
  • Such a cruel disease... All my sympathy goes out to her.

    Anyway, really tough, you can't force her but... I like PP's suggestions. And how about promising just head shots, you know, a picture of you and her above the shoulder, where you won't even see the wheelchair?
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  • The best thing I can think of is to go to her house to take the pictures like you mentioned. I would also stress the importance of it to her. Other than that I'm not sure there's much advice I can give you. I'm so sorry.
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