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Maids are a lost cause

megangregmegangreg
in Moms and Maids
My three bridesmaids (two cousins, and my future husband's sister) along with my sister as my MOH have done absolutely nothing to help me with the wedding. Or even support me. My mother is planning the bachelorette party for me, and paying for it. I have emailed my bridesmaids a few times, and have never gotten more than a one word response.

I can't help but feeling as is no one is excited about our big day. Suggestions?
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Re: Maids are a lost cause

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maids-lost-cause?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b8c9ccca-202b-4862-bf35-417fb443e7cbPost:96920418-75ea-4db6-8b0a-e823a1a7be26">Maids are a lost cause</a>:
    [QUOTE]My three bridesmaids (two cousins, and my future husband's sister) along with my sister as my MOH have done absolutely nothing to help me with the wedding. Or even support me. My mother is planning the bachelorette party for me, and paying for it. I have emailed my bridesmaids a few times, and have never gotten more than a one word response. I can't help but feeling as is no one is excited about our big day. Suggestions?
    Posted by megangreg[/QUOTE]
    E-mail them again to touch base, but don't mention your wedding. Focus on them as people and not as bridesmaids. The fact that you called them maids in your subject title hints to me (maybe falsely) that you are taking their titles ltierally.
    What is it that you expected them to do?

    No one has to throw you a party. If they don't want to, or they can't, they don't have to. If your mom wants to throw you one, then great.

    No one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding than you and your fiance.
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maids-lost-cause?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b8c9ccca-202b-4862-bf35-417fb443e7cbPost:96920418-75ea-4db6-8b0a-e823a1a7be26">Maids are a lost cause</a>:
    [QUOTE]My three bridesmaids (two cousins, and my future husband's sister) along with my sister as my MOH have done absolutely nothing to help me with the wedding. Or even support me. My mother is planning the bachelorette party for me, and paying for it. I have emailed my bridesmaids a few times, and have never gotten more than a one word response. I can't help but feeling as is no one is excited about our big day. Suggestions?
    Posted by megangreg[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>First lower your expectations of your maids. They are not required to help you do anything, plan parties or showers, or even attend them. If they can, great.</div><div>
    </div><div>I think you ought to treat this as a <strong>friend/relative</strong> issue, not a BM issue. It sounds like you miss them and maybe they have a lot going on right now. Ask them to do something NON wedding related, like grab lunch or get a mani pedi. Remember, no one (aside from maybe your FI or your mom) will be as excited for your own wedding as you. It's also important to remember your friends have their own lives and you should ask them about what's going on with them. We as brides often get wedding blinders and forget to do that.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you need help, ask your mother. She seems like she wants to help out. Also ask your FI if you need a hand. You shouldn't need "support." Weddings are a happy occasion, not a funeral. </div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maids-lost-cause?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b8c9ccca-202b-4862-bf35-417fb443e7cbPost:96920418-75ea-4db6-8b0a-e823a1a7be26">Maids are a lost cause</a>:
    [QUOTE]My three bridesmaids (two cousins, and my future husband's sister) along with my sister as my MOH have done absolutely nothing to help me with the wedding. Or even support me. My mother is planning the bachelorette party for me, and paying for it. I have emailed my bridesmaids a few times, and have never gotten more than a one word response. I can't help but feeling as is no one is excited about our big day. Suggestions?
    Posted by megangreg[/QUOTE]

    No one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you. And BMs are required to do nothing more than show up in a previously agreed upon dress. Calling them a lost cause is kind of mean, don't ya think?
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    To add to what PPs said, keep in mind that you're planning a wedding at a time that is VERY busy for many people.  They all may love you  but this can be an added layer of stress for them to do things around the holidays. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If all 4 of your bms, including your sister, are ignoring you, there might be a reason for it. Have you been demanding? When you do speak to them, is the conversation only about you and your wedding?  If your mom offered to take over the bp, they were probably under the impression that she wanted to do it and I'm sure they were happy that she stepped up.

    If I was organizing a bp, I would call the prospective attendees to find out what their budget for the evening would be and ask for suggestions. The plans could be as simple as meeting for a few drinks, pizza and movies as someones' house, dinner out or bowling, with everyone paying their own way. They could chip in a few $$ to cover the bride's share or the organizer could pay for the bride.

    You picked a wedding date that is sandwiched between major holidays for many of us, so that could also be causing a conflict of interest for some of them. Most of us have pretty busy schedules from now until the end of the year, so you may have to accept that everyone will not be able to participate in your bp. That is one of the consequences of scheduling a holiday wedding.
                       
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    1.  If you need help planning the wedding, hire a wedding planner...that's NOT the job of the BMs. 

    2.  Pre-wedding parties are GIFTS, not requirements, they don't have to plan them for you.

    3.  Learn this motto, because it will save you a lot of grief (and could save your friendships too):  NO ONE WILL EVER BE AS EXCITED FOR YOUR WEDDING AS YOU ARE.
    Anniversary
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  • lilylylilyly member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Not everyone is the poster girl for Bridesmaid. Most do not have the time to invest, or do not want to invest, or don't know how to help with the wedding planning. 
    Some people are horrible at email. You could always invite everyone over for brunch and go over the details. Try to sort out as much as possible in one go, or delegate. You will be able to gage their responses in person or over the telephone. If they seem keen, have them help more. But the last thing you want is to force someone to do something. The outcome will make both parties unhappy. Most brides I know like to take control of it all, so look at it as a partial positive. 
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  • melsan9melsan9
    First Comment
    I am right there with you. I didn't want a wedding. I wanted to go to the courthouse. My sister's like no I'll help you plan it, I've been in so many weddings, blah blah blah..... Well the most help I've gotten out of her is her graphic designer boyfriend made my wedding invitations... In my opinion, if the bridesmaids are only gonna do what they're required to do, which is show up... then what is the point of having a bridesmaid? Planning a wedding is stressful, I don't need them to help me with every detail, but if I ask your opinion on something or need some support it'd be nice if you gave me some feedback. Honestly I've gotten more help and feedback from my bride friends than anyone else. They know what I'm going through so they treat every little thing like it's super important and I do the same for them.
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