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Moms and Maids
calliebilly
member
Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long)
I am getting married in 10 days! My bridesmaid has been hard to please through the whole wedding! She picked dresses without my approval, and bough them. I did like them but my other wedding party member was not comfortable in them. I have had two wedding showers, she told me and the people throwing the showers she would be to both, and never showed. Then wanted to skip my bachlorette party to go out to a different resturant, and tried to get my other wedding party to go with her. She had to get married before me, and now refuses to help me with anything I need. She doesn't work and only goes to college 2 days a week. She does have a daughter, but everything we have done her daughter can come, and go. She has always taken her everywhere else, and I have always helped her keep an eye on her, to help her out. I have tried 3 times to get her to go and get shoes. Then today to finally bring it to a head, she got mad at me for not going with her to run HER errands, when I had my own to do for my wedding. She refused to talk to me. So I sent her a message and explained to her that I didn't want her in my wedding party any longer, and that I was hurt that she never showed up to anything I have asked her to come to. My mom agrees with me 100% and my fiance does as well. Infact he is glad to see her gone, she brings a lot of drama with her. Am I in the wrong?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long)
[QUOTE]I am getting married in 10 days! My bridesmaid has been hard to please through the whole wedding! She picked dresses without my approval, and bough them. I did like them but my other wedding party member was not comfortable in them. I have had two wedding showers, she told me and the people throwing the showers she would be to both, and never showed. Then wanted to skip my bachlorette party to go out to a different resturant, and tried to get my other wedding party to go with her. She had to get married before me, and now refuses to help me with anything I need. She doesn't work and only goes to college 2 days a week. She does have a daughter, but everything we have done her daughter can come, and go. She has always taken her everywhere else, and I have always helped her keep an eye on her, to help her out. I have tried 3 times to get her to go and get shoes. Then today to finally bring it to a head, she got mad at me for not going with her to run HER errands, when I had my own to do for my wedding. She refused to talk to me. <strong> So I sent her a message and explained to her that I didn't want her in my wedding party</strong> any longer, and that I was hurt that she never showed up to anything I have asked her to come to. My mom agrees with me 100% and my fiance does as well. Infact he is glad to see her gone, she brings a lot of drama with her. <strong>Am I in the wrong?
</strong>Posted by calliebilly[/QUOTE]
Yep. You are. You just kicked someone of your wedding party 10 days prior to the event.
Breathe. Breathe again. Then apologize to your BM. She hasn't done anything wrong.
[QUOTE]I have already replaced her, and ordered new dresses. I feel like a complete and total weight has been lifted off my sholders with her not being a part of the wedding. I talked to another friend who the BM was supposed to be in her wedding too, and the other friend had to ask her to not be in her wedding too. She is no help to anyone. It's all about her. She's 25 years old and acts to everyone like she is about 15. I feel like I can relax now.
Posted by calliebilly[/QUOTE]
<div>What? No! I'm sorry, but you're the one behaving like a child. Replacing a bridesmaid is an awful thing to do. We've had women post about being on the bridesmaid side of things, both as the kicked-out one and the replacement and neither is a pretty picture. Unless your bridesmaid tried to sleep with your fiancé or physically assaulted one of you, you have no right to kick her out, much less shove a random body in her place. I'm sure the understudy feels really good about being second-string, too.</div>
But you are in the wrong completely. You shouldn't have kicked her out and you definitely shouldn't have replaced her. That probably made your 'runner-up' feel like sh!t.
You owe your BM an apology.
You are expecting too much from her. Why can't she wear shoes she already owns or get new ones at her own leisure? Why is it such a big deal she doesn't want to go on all these wedding excursions with you? And who are you to question how she parents her daughter. If she chooses not to participate in a wedding outing, regardless if her daughter can come or not, you need to respect that.
You were both disrespectful to one another. However, grow up and apologize and don't expect one in return. Be a grown up.
Unless she tried to light you on fire or sleep with your FI, kicking her out was a bitch move, and replacing her was even worse. If you really couldn't put up with this for 10 more days, then you're a baby on top of all that.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
Did you want to end the friendship? If so, then I think you certainly have accomplished that.
I also feel bad for this new BM who gets thrown into your WP 10 days before the wedding, presumably so your sides are even.
Decisions have consequences. You made the decision and will have to live with the consequences.
[QUOTE]I suspect we are infested with a troll. Surely no one is this immature, callous or downright dumb.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Excuse me! Really?
I spoke with the minister in my wedding this afternoon, after everything that happened in the past and that is going on now, he even agreed with me. I don't feel one bit bad about what I did, after everything that happened, I wish I hadn't asked her in the first place, but wish I had kicked her out sooner. She not only lied to me, but to my mother as well. I am not in the wrong. Sorry I even asked the question but I thought maybe I could get some comfort instead of people calling me immature and dumb. Thats okay I won't ever ask for help on this site again.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long) : Excuse me! Really? I spoke with the minister in my wedding this afternoon, after everything that happened in the past and that is going on now, he even agreed with me. I don't feel one bit bad about what I did, after everything that happened, I wish I hadn't asked her in the first place, but wish I had kicked her out sooner. She not only lied to me, but to my mother as well. I am not in the wrong. Sorry I even asked the question but I thought maybe I could get some comfort instead of people calling me immature and dumb. Thats okay I won't ever ask for help on this site again.
Posted by calliebilly[/QUOTE]
Of course everyone you know is telling you that you're totally right. They have to deal with your tantrums in person. We don't, that's why we don't have to lie to you.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long) : Excuse me! Really? <strong>I spoke with the minister in my wedding this afternoon, after everything that happened in the past and that is going on now, he even agreed with m</strong>e. I don't feel one bit bad about what I did, after everything that happened, I wish I hadn't asked her in the first place, but wish I had kicked her out sooner. She not only lied to me, but to my mother as well. I am not in the wrong. <strong>Sorry I even asked the question but I thought maybe I could get some comfort instead of people calling me immature and dumb</strong>. Thats okay I won't ever ask for help on this site again.
Posted by calliebilly[/QUOTE]
<div>Wow, complaining to your minister about your friend. You sound like one awesome person. </div><div>
</div><div>Sorry, I don't lie to strangers, what you did was mean and rude to your friend, if you can't even remotely think that MAYBE you had some fault in this situation then your friend came out on the better end of the deal because obviously you care about one day versus years a friendship. </div><div>
</div><div>Once again what you did was wrong, those that see you everyday in person may agree with you but I can bet like aerin said, they don't want to get on your bad side in person. </div><div>
</div><div>Basically what is done is done, like others have said you made a decision to hurt and kick out your friend from your wedding, there is a consequence and it is most likely the loss of the friendship you had with this person. Move on and stop being all butt hurt that no one here is going to validate your bad decision. If I were in your shoes I would have done the total opposite of what you did.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long) : Excuse me! Really? I spoke with the minister in my wedding this afternoon, after everything that happened in the past and that is going on now, he even agreed with me. I don't feel one bit bad about what I did, after everything that happened, I wish I hadn't asked her in the first place, but wish I had kicked her out sooner. She not only lied to me, but to my mother as well. I am not in the wrong. Sorry I even asked the question but I thought maybe I could get some comfort instead of people calling me immature and dumb. Thats okay I won't ever ask for help on this site again.
Posted by calliebilly[/QUOTE]
Was your minister validating that your downright rude behavior was appropriate not comfort enough?
If you can seriously sit back and not see that the points that have been made have merit and Retread's harsh, but honest, description of how you have come across is accurate, then you've got bigger problems than kicking out a bridesmaid.
Hope you're wedding is awesome!!
[QUOTE]Again, I know that others are going to disagree with me, but I'm still on the bride's side. I don't think you're being selfish - your ex-BM is being selfish. I suppose it is kinda rude to do it this close to the wedding, but overall, I still support you, especially since you've tried to work things out with her and she hasn't cooperated at all. And like you mentioned, (1) she was even dismissed from another wedding! and (2) your FI totally agrees with your decision. You are not selfish since you are NOT just thinking about yourself - you are also thinking about your FI and the other BM's - why can't others see that? This bride is not defending just herself, but the whole WP and her FI for goodness sakes. . . so even though I'm in the minority here, I still agree with the OP. Hope you're wedding is awesome!!
Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The only faux pas I see on this BM is picking a dress out without the Bride's consent, which the Bride could have easily said "no, this is the dress we are doing". But other then that please tell me in your view what else this BM has done to warrant being kicked to the curb?</div><div>
</div><div> Like Retread already said, anything BESIDES the wedding day itself is optional for a BM to attend. She said she would come but didn't, yeah, it sucks but guess what the BM has a daughter and plans can change quickly when you have a kid that you constantly take care of. The OP think she is being oh so generous in letting her BM's child come to all her wedding related things with her but in reality the OP should realize that a good parent would not just leave their child to be at the beck and call of the Bride. Plus her friend getting mad because she needed to do errands, I would be erked to if my friend dragged me to nothing but HER wedding stuff and doesn't care about what I need to get done.</div><div>
</div><div>Second, I don't think being kicked out of another WP has any merit. That Bride could easily be like this one and have crazy expectations for what to do. Her FI has nothing to do with this, he is not her friend. He doesn't know the history, all he is doing is being supportive of his future wife (which he should be) regardless if OP made a right or wrong decision. Once again, the WP didn't have to be forced into anything, OP should have done something right away after the BM picked a dress, but she didn't and made the rest of her party get the same dress. Lack of communication for all parties involve is to blame for this. </div><div>
</div><div>So to me, this Bride who not only kicked out a friend in 10 days, REPLACES her. Seriously, I don't know how the OP can be defended.
</div>
[QUOTE]My husband is a minister, and has little tolerance for selfish brides who think their One Day is worth a lifetime of lost friendship. I call troll again.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Rally how old are you like 12? What is with the name calling, completly uncalled for! It is in no way right to call someone a troll!
OP, I agree with you, if she was going against your wishes and lieing to you I would have done the same thing.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long) : Rally how old are you like 12? What is with the name calling, completly uncalled for! It is in no way right to call someone a troll! OP, I agree with you, if she was going against your wishes and lieing to you I would have done the same thing.
Posted by mehgan11[/QUOTE]
Troll is not an insult. It is a term for someone who fakes an identify online and posts in a community on a hot button topic (like, say, kicking out a bridesmaid) specifically to start trouble. It's no more name calling than referring to myself as a regular or to you as a newb.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long) : Rally<strong> how old are you like 12?</strong> What is with the name calling, completly uncalled for! It is in no way right to call someone a troll! OP, I agree with you, if she was going against your wishes and lieing to you I would have done the same thing.
Posted by mehgan11[/QUOTE]
<div>Was just going to ask you the same thing. For what purpose did you resurrect this thread and call out someone saying the OP is a possible troll? This thread was done a day ago.</div>
[QUOTE]IThis thread was done a day ago.
[/QUOTE]
I don't get this. The thread was only opened on two days ago. Are you only allowed to reply if you do so within 24 hours? How about people who have other things to do and don't live on the boards? They aren't "allowed" to post?
If this is the case, then The Knot needs to lock down the thread and hide it. If it's still up for people to read (and get worked up over), it should still be active.
[QUOTE]Oh my bad I guess I shouldn't read a thread that ended. How horrible of me to do that, or even comment on it, I should know better.
Posted by mehgan11[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't mind people commenting after days of nobody commenting on the topic but all you did was attacking a person who was calling troll on someone. So yeah, your definitely not acting like a 12 year old, trying to antagonise people.</div><div>
</div><div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-sorry-sort-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b9069875-36d7-4d77-b226-df63bab74ac5Post:7b05d5a2-0be0-4975-9a96-cadb611db8e1">Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with a Bridesmaid (sorry sort of long) : I don't get this. The thread was only opened on two days ago. Are you only allowed to reply if you do so within 24 hours? How about people who have other things to do and don't live on the boards? They aren't "allowed" to post? If this is the case, then The Knot needs to lock down the thread and hide it. If it's still up for people to read (and get worked up over), it should still be active.
Posted by TootsieK[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Like above, I don't care if how old a thread is (most people stop looking after page 1) but don't come into a thread and the first sentences are attacking another person. My point is that there was really no constructiveness to her post (she just adds at the end that she agrees with OP) and was mainly to bash Retread. </div>
I get tired of reading a post only to scroll down and see the OP get name called, or what not. I suppose next time to please people I'll make my comment first then "attack" the other person. I just think people should act mature on here and not call someone a troll, (I don't care what the llingo is) someone who deos't come on here all that often doesn't know your guy's definition of a troll.
[QUOTE]Thats because as I was reading it I found that it was uncalled for to call someone a toll. I gave advice I read the original thread, apparently since I do not agree with you my comment is not constructive. I get tired of reading a post only to scroll down and see the OP get name called, or what not. I suppose next time to please people I'll make my comment first then "attack" the other person. I just think people should act mature on here and not call someone a troll, (I don't care what the llingo is) someone who deos't come on here all that often doesn't know your guy's definition of a troll.
Posted by mehgan11[/QUOTE]
If you get offended by a term because you don't know what it means, that's no one's fault but your own. Don't hold others accountable for your ignorance, and don't presume that your standard of perception, especially as an inexperienced member, should be the one that holds sway.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]Thats because as I was reading it I found that it was uncalled for to call someone a toll. I gave advice I read the original thread, apparently since I do not agree with you my comment is not constructive. I get tired of reading a post only to scroll down and see the OP get name called, or what not. I suppose next time to please people I'll make my comment first then "attack" the other person. I just think people should act mature on here and not call someone a troll, (I don't care what the llingo is) someone who deos't come on here all that often doesn't know your guy's definition of a troll.
Posted by mehgan11[/QUOTE]
<div>You posted your opinion on the topic after the fact of blasting Retread, which makes me think the only reason you posted was to attack Retread. Also unless you have never been on a message board in your life, the term "troll" is found throughout the internet message board world it is not just theknot term for made up people spamming a message board.</div>
[QUOTE]I COMPLETELY disagree with these B!tches saying you are in the wrong! Hell no you aren't in the wrong! I agree you should have done it sooner, but you chose who's in your wedding party. If she's not doing her duties and trying to make things hard on purpose, then make life easier, and ditch her. This is YOUR wedding. No need to make things worse for your day than they already have to be. To hell with what other think is "right". This is the day you are marrying your partner for life, and if someone is not willing to be on board with making that day special, then they shouldn't be involved.
Posted by alexia642[/QUOTE]
Hey Alexia, just some pointers:
1) Don't drag up a thread that has been dead for four days just to stir the pot and re-start drama that had effectively DIED.
2) Jumping on here and calling other posters b*tches is sure to get you a fan club of 1.
"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons
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