+1 Question

rose.ashleymae · May 2012

We are getting married on May 26th (just a few weeks yay!) I have a quick question that I hope all of you can help me with. We sent out invitations last month, and the RSVP deadline was yesterday. Our caterer needs a final count by Wednesday of next week, so I figured that would give us time to call who ever haden't sent theirs back. Well FI's uncle called him today to RSVP (why it was so hard to send back the postage paid card is beyond me but anyway.) He stated that he has a new girlfriend that he met a few days ago and he wants to bring her. FI stated that unfortunately, we can not accomodate another person. FI's uncle then stated that he would not be attending. FI then called me and told me what happened and now I'm torn. So here are my questions:

1. Was FI's response rude? I don't want to split up a social unit, but this is really last minute and we are tight on room.
2. If we really should let her come, what should FI say when he calls him back?

Thanks!

rose.ashleymae · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66ab10f5-5741-4cb7-b57d-959af7b75daaPost:f39230be-068a-4986-86ed-85384d360ce5">Re: +1 Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you invite him with a guest? If you have room, it's better that you accommodate him. It's family.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
No, we didn't invite any 'and gusts' any truly single friends and family were invited solo. I agree that he's family, but I also kinds feel like its disrespectful to all of our single guests that also didn't get a +1 to make an exception

midgetthemighty · May 2012

If you have the space at all, I would accommodate her. It won't look disrespectful to your truly single guests because I'm guessing this uncle will be introducing her as his girlfriend.

pokepoke27 · May 2012

From your OP it sounds like he wasn't dating this girl before the invitations were sent out, so you are well within your rights to exclude her.

However, I do agree with Eagles that if you CAN accommodate this girl, you probably should. I understand where you're coming from about not wanting to make exceptions - but it sounds like this isn't a random date - it's a new gf. Like Eagles said - it's family, and it is just a nice gesture to be accommodating.

thurmanpowell · May 2012

Ditto to what jcbsjr said.

Kate61487 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:66ab10f5-5741-4cb7-b57d-959af7b75daaPost:c6858f6b-3b70-474c-a220-6c0b109f009f">Re: +1 Question</a>:
[QUOTE]From your OP it sounds like he wasn't dating this girl before the invitations were sent out, so you are well within your rights to exclude her. However, I do agree with Eagles that if you CAN accommodate this girl, you probably should. I understand where you're coming from about not wanting to make exceptions - but it sounds like this isn't a random date - it's a new gf. Like Eagles said - it's family, and it is just a nice gesture to be accommodating.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

Basically all of this. If you decide you do have room when your FI calls him back I'd probably have him say something like "Uncle Frank, I'm really sorry if what I said earlier offended you. I meant no disrespect toward your new relationship, I just knew that we were tight on space and hadn't counted on you bringing a date. However, I talked to Rose and she said we can make room, so if you'd still like to come we'd love to see you and NewGF there."

ETA: but for the record I think it's ridiculously petty of a guy to boycott his nephew's wedding because his new girlfriend of, like, 3 days isn't invited.

pokepoke27 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66ab10f5-5741-4cb7-b57d-959af7b75daaPost:71ea93fb-4f2e-4aa5-b9ee-37874a611fb5">Re: +1 Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 Question : Basically all of this. If you decide you do have room when your FI calls him back I'd probably have him say something like "Uncle Frank, I'm really sorry if what I said earlier offended you. I meant no disrespect toward your new relationship, I just knew that we were tight on space and hadn't counted on you bringing a date. However, I talked to Rose and she said we can make room, so if you'd still like to come we'd love to see you and NewGF there." ETA: but for the record I think it's ridiculously petty of a guy to boycott his nephew's wedding because his new girlfriend of, like, 3 days isn't invited.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>Well yeah, that too haha. </div>

PhoneCardLady · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:66ab10f5-5741-4cb7-b57d-959af7b75daaPost:824edf33-59ff-4d4f-b609-375a9c497fb2">+1 Question</a>:
[QUOTE]We are getting married on May 26th (just a few weeks yay!) I have a quick question that I hope all of you can help me with. We sent out invitations last month, and the RSVP deadline was yesterday. Our caterer needs a final count by Wednesday of next week, so I figured that would give us time to call who ever haden't sent theirs back. Well FI's uncle called him today to RSVP (why it was so hard to send back the postage paid card is beyond me but anyway.) He stated that he has a new girlfriend that he met a few days ago and he wants to bring her. FI stated that unfortunately, we can not accomodate another person. FI's uncle then stated that he would not be attending. FI then called me and told me what happened and now I'm torn. So here are my questions: 1. Was FI's response rude? I don't want to split up a social unit, but this is really last minute and we are tight on room. 2. If we really should let her come, what should FI say when he calls him back? Thanks!
Posted by rose.ashleymae[/QUOTE]

It sounds like the uncle wanted to see if there was anything to this relationship before he RSVP'ed, and then it was at your FI's asking. If he was not in a relationship at the time the invites were sent, then I would stick to your guns. If, however, he was in a relationship but you didn't know her name (at the time the invitations were issued) then yes, you should extend one to her.

Nshivers · May 2012

we're having people add 1 as well who were invited alone, I'm finding it's best just to let them invite their +1.. less drama.

rose.ashleymae · May 2012

Thanks, I think I was annoyed and didn't want to give it because I was feeling like he was being petty. I think I'll just give FI the choice go ahead and call him and let him know that she can come or stick to what he said before. I don't really know this uncle, so it's probably best if he just deals with it himself (as long as either is not a etiquette concern)

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