Holidays

[Deleted User] · October 2012

This is for all of you that have your family in one place and FI's family in another. How are you planning to split holidays? My sister and BIL alternate Thanksgivings and Christmases between the two groups and FI and I were planning on being at my parents' for the holiday that my sis attends. This year, they have to do back to back Christmases at my BIL's family's house(they were there last year). My mom was upset so FI and I decided to stick to our original plans and we're going to see my parents' for Christmas.

FI can't get both Thanksgiving and Xmas off because of his job. We've explained everything to his mom and she just CC'd me on a family email involving holiday plans where she whines that we aren't going to be there until after Christmas for New Year's. This is his first Christmas away from home so I expected it to be tough for her to adjust because she won't have her baby boy but I found it odd that she included me on this. She was probably just trying to keep me in the loop but I can't help but feel like she was trying to get a jab in at me. I'm sure I'm overthinking it and I'm not planning on bringing it up with FI or her because who knows what she really meant by all that but sheesh.

Anyways, what are you all planning on doing? P.S. Our parents are 8 hours away from each other by car.

orangehills · October 2012

This will be our first year spending the holidays together, so it should be interesting! My mom and I are used to split holidays- after my dad passed away, and then my brother got married- we spent a few holidays with just us 2. So I'm used to it. But this will be the first year my FI will spend a holiday away from his family. We are going to do Thanksgiving with my family, and Christmas with his. Next year- Thanksgiving with his, and Christmas with mine. It will be the kind of thing- if it works out and everyone is in the same city, we'll invite the other family over for the meal as well- and it is up to them if they want to come!

Ugh. Holidays. Love them, but kinda hate them.

Spunky414 · October 2012

FI have done holidays together since we first started dating 5 years ago. My parents are 2 hours away and his parents are 30 minutes away. His family is Jewish mine is Christian neither being very religious so we have it kind of easy. We do Thanksgiving with his parents, Christmas with mine. We are also both only children so it's not like we have to coordinate with anyone else, this year since Christmas is a Tuesday we'll celebrate over the weekend and drive home sometime on Monday.

vk2204 · October 2012

Our parents live 10 minutes away from each other and the holidays are STILL a huge PITA.

For my family, we always do Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with my dad's side, and Easter and Christmas Day with my mom's. It has worked out perfectly until I started dating FI lol. I have a huge huge huge family (on both sides) so the holidays are always a blast. FI has a very small family.

I get selfish around the holidays - since there are so many of us, Christmas is the one day we are all together so of course I want to spend the day with my family. For FI, each holiday is the exact. same. people. every. time. Now, I know I sound like a huge brat, but take Christmas for example... Christmas eve is FI, his parents, sister, her husband, (now) their 2 kids, and his grandma - at FI's parents house. Christmas day is all of those people plus his aunt, uncle and 2 cousins. To me, all of that could be done in one day. But that is how they always spend their holidays, so it is their tradition.

Most holidays we spend apart, I really don't mind though. But because of FI's line of work, he will be working every holiday so that makes it slightly easier in the sense I will stay with my family lol (again because I am a brat).

[Deleted User] · October 2012

We're splitting the holidays, though I don't know if FI has told his mom that yet. We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house, and we'll be with my mom for Christmas, since my brother, his wife, and their daughter will be there, too.

redjellybean128 · October 2012

Ugh, like PP even though our families are 10 minutes apart, the holidays are a huge pain. I have a huge family that I love and FI says he loves spending time with too. FI's family is a small, mostly older crowd where holidays are spent watching whatever action movie is on cable. While I love them as well, it's just not as fun. My family has lots of kids running around and it's in generally a younger more socialble crowd. But FMIL is very sensitive and takes offense if we don't do her side.

The first year we were together, we tried to hit everyone for thanksgiving and that was a logistical nightmare. We spent more time in the car then at each place and FMIL was mad that she was in the middle. After that we decided that we will alternate where we have Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas Dinner and Christmas eve will always be my side because i put that on the table as non-negotiable (it's my favorite holiday and I love spending time with that side of the family). So if we do Thanksgiving dinner with one side then the other side gets Christmas dinner. We will try to do desert with the other. Luckily, FI agrees. I should also say, that growing up, I was always used to juggling the holidays with my parents families so it's not new to me going multiple places in one day. That was a total adjustment for FI, since he was used to having all of the holidays at his house.

Last year worked out a little better at Thanksgiving because we did just two places for food (as opposed to three the previous year) but we ate at FMIL so she was happy. Hopefully, this year goes just as smoothly.

I just keep telling myself that once we have a place big enough to have both families this will be less of an issue, but in the meantime we have to get use to running around.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:d644b5bd-9c02-44aa-bb0b-06d75fa5948aPost:b4930da6-dcc3-4076-945b-d7caf59ec5d0">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Holidays : Mine can't either, he's a firefighter and works every third day. He'd have to sell his soul to get someone to sub for him during the holidays. He's working the 23rd and the 26th over Christmas, so he's basically going to fly down to Florida on the 24th and back on the 25th. I'll probably fly down with him and stay a few extra days because my brother's birthday is the 26th. We may have to start doing Easter with my mom, even though we're not really religious, because it's easier for him to get the time off for that holiday.
Posted by von1976[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, we're both in the service for the time being, until I go screaming out of it like a banshee after the wedding, wooohoo!!! FI will be in Hyannis, MA flying some stupid survey for some stupid whales again probably. Haha, I'm kidding, I love whales but jeez, they're really screwing up our holiday plans. So anyways, our holiday plans go like this:

Thanksgiving-I drive 13 hrs to NC to hang with my fam for the holiday and do a bunch of wedding stuff.

Christmas: Dec. 19th-I drive and pick up FI from his mission in St. Simon's GA(saving more freakin whales)
Dec 20th-we drive to NC together
Dec 21-26 we're home with my parents(only my parents b/c my sis and BIL screwed it all up this year but they should be there in the days leading up to Xmas)
Dec 27th-Jan 1st-In Pittsburgh w/FI's ginormous family. I guess we're doing the family party for New Year's instead of Christmas Eve like normal, which is fine
Jan 2nd-Fly back to NC
Jan 3rd-Drive to FL. Jan 5th-FI goes and saves some more freakin whales(grey ones this time, lol)

Maybe we'll live in DC one day(4 hrs from both families, and a decision that is up to some officers that wear a heck of a lot more brass than we do) and we can host everyone haha. After all that and the wedding, COSTA RICA HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Deleted User] · October 2012

For us, it's kind of a mess. His parents have been divorced since he was 2, so his whole life has been splitting holidays. I'm really close with my family and doing 1/3 of holidays with my side and 2/3s with his just doesn't work for me. So, we're kind of just playing it by ear. Last year, we did thanksgiving with my family and christmas with his dad. This year, we're doing thanksgiving with his mom and christmas with my family. It kind of sucks but...we just have to try to manage it and then try to see whatever family gets skipped at another time of the year. Our frequent flyer miles are gonna start adding up quick, I can tell you that.

ChiGirl2013 · October 2012

We don't really have the distance issue, but we both come from families with divorces & remarriages, half and step siblings, etc. Then my b-day is right after Christmas and FI's b-day is 3 days after mine. So we pretty much lived in the car from the beginning of December until the middle of January.

Thankfully, it works out because my dad's side celebrates the weekend before Christmas and my mom's side is Christmas Day. Fi's mom isn't in the picture and his dad's side celebrates on Christmas Eve. We get to see everyone but it's a MAJOR pain in the rear end - especially when you have to drag a child along. Thankfully, we can use her bedtime as an excuse not to stay until the wee hours of the morning.

After we get married and get a house, we're stopping all the driving. If people want to see us, they can come to US. (Sore spot with me - ever since I moved an hour away from my family, NOBODY comes to visit, but they expect me to come to every family function - at least once a month, usually more - down by them. That's all ending once we get a house. Let THEM waste their gas money and toll money and feel what it's like to make that long boring trip. I'm done being a taxi.)

tiny speck · October 2012

Our families live on opposite sides of North America, and we have lived in England for the past 4 years so we have almost always just done holidays the two of us together, with skype and phone calls to the families. I actually quite like it that way, since we really get to relax and enjoy each other's company. Nice and low-key. This Christmas, though, we are flying to FI's parents' for Christmas. I'm a bit nervous about it, even though we all get along well, and I think my mom will feel a bit left out, but there is just no way we would ever be able to see both families at holidays, or even to alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas. Too much travel.

mabapunta · October 2012

We live in Iowa 6 hrs away from his family in Indiana, and my family is another 2 hours away from there in Kentucky. We really only celebrate Christmas with our families, since we have limited vacation time and it's difficult to get time off for any other holiday, and even then it's not necessarily the holiday itself.

Thanksgiving is a holiday we've celebrated together here at home, although this year we may invite friends over who are similarly far from their families. When we do visit family, we have to split our time between his and mine, and we often end up spending more time at his family's house - they have space for us to stay and are typically more available than my family members. My immediate family is really scattered all over the place, so it works out for us to visit with his family more often.

With that kind of distance, I know it's tough to work out to try to accomodate everyone. Don't wear yourself out! Is either holiday a big focus on either side of the family? Or particularly special to either of you? Are members of either side of the family more willing to visit you all sometime so you don't have to take off as much time off work?

Holidays

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