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Moms and Maids

Sister issues

Hi everyone,

SO my problem lies with my sister. We don't have a very great relationship to begin with and I had asked her to be a bridesmaid basically for my family and because I thought it was the right thing to do. Since the beginning of my relationship w my FI, shes been constantly negative... talking about divorce and never paying any attention to wedding talk... she'd roll her eyes, look away and change the subject if i ever brought it up so i never did. If I said absolutely anything, she'd tell me all I care about is the wedding. So anyways, she got mad at me over something very trivial and told me she no longer wanted to be in the wedding and the only reason she hadnt backed out earlier was because my mum had asked her not to. She had also already bought her dress and said I had to pay her for it... I said no. So I was extremely upset, because she had said a lot of hurtful things along with backing out. So i didn't talk to her for a few weeks... and all of a sudden she pops up and wants to be back in. I told her no because I had already made arrangements to have her out. She must not really care what I say because she told me today that she was going to pick up her dress (which had been sitting at the shop for 4 months) and was going to get her alterations in a few months. I once again told her no. She is now putting a big guilt trip on me.... told me she was going to wear the dress to the wedding anyways. But then she started telling me she wants to work on our relationship... I'm not really sure what to do. My heart is very big and forgiving as far as my family goes but this may have taken it too far. Any suggestions on how to get through this with as little damage as possible?

Re: Sister issues

  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Are you more concerned with avoiding short-term drama, or the long term relationship?  Long term, you have to decide if standing up to your sister's BS is worth the family rift.  That's an ugly decision to make, and none of us can help you with it. It will almost certainly cause family drama between more than just the two of you.  In the short term, the least drama would be to make up your mind that it doesn't matter if she's there or not.  

    What "arrangements" did you make?  You shouldn't be replacing bridesmaids. It doesn't matter if yours and FI's sides are uneven. Buy a gift, and if she opts out, you have her next birthday gift.  Budget for the meal, and if she doesn't come, it's an extra glass of wine and dessert for you and FI.  Buy an extra bouquet, and if she opts out, present it to your mother, or use it as a toss bouquet, so you can keep your own.

    Tell her you won't be refunding her for the dress, and if she gets alterations and then changes her mind, you won't be refunding them for those either.  Then let her throw whatever temper tantrums she wants - if she's friendly on the wedding day, she's in.  If she's in a snit, she's out.  You can then smugly ignore her drama, and avoid fights with mom et al.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4a35eaba-3aab-41d7-acc9-36268fa81dc5Post:b0898bfc-7d07-46e8-8487-3ac6264471e1">Re: Sister issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what you do.  Drop the issue for now. Your wedding isn't until July.  (Why, by the way, did you make them get dresses this far out????)  Don't bring the wedding up until then. She pays for her own alterations. I highly advise you to keep her in the wedding if she wants in, because you'll have a years-long-running feud if you don't.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This...
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    The two of you probably have a long history of big blowouts over trivial things. But your sister wants to work on your relationship. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt?
    Leave your sister in the wp, but limit wedding talk for now.
                       
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