Starting Date

motherof2kids2k6 · July 2010

So I'm getn married in October in which is 114 days all together. I have booked everything that is needed to be booked (reception venue, church, music, dresses, suits, etc.) I am making my own center pieces and haven't started making them yet. I want to know when do you think is a good time for me to ask my wedding party to help with making center pieces, bouquets, and party favors? I was initially going to do them myself b/c I hate to ask people to do stuff for me, but I think its gonna take me longer than expected. Do you think I should start now or ask in like August.

FutureMrsFraser · July 2010

I don't really think you can ask your bridesmaids to help you do centerpieces at all. The only requirement of being a bridesmaid is to show up on the wedding date and stand up for you, that's really it. I would mention to them that you are starting on them soon, and if they offer to help, then that's fine. But I wouldn't ask them to help you.

And you still have plenty of time, if you started on it now, you should be good. I haven't even started on our centerpeices yet, and I'm not stressed about it because I know I'll get them done in one day, so it's no biggie.

paramedicswife · July 2010

I'll start by saying, only you know your relationship with said BM's and how willing/unwilling they would be to help. It wouldn't have bothered me one bit to ask my girls to help me get some things done because we've all been close friends for 20 years now.

I do agree with Holly on this one though...I think you should just mention it to your BM's and if they have offer then great, if not, you can do them yourself. I'd go ahead and start on your list (centerpieces, bouquets & party favors) and knock some of it out a little each day that way it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Good luck!

pirategal03 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_starting-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:dbf81e20-6acd-4dd4-bad3-b75a275a9276Post:51f77d8e-2866-4e27-921e-def5ea52771c">Re: Starting Date</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really think you can ask your bridesmaids to help you do centerpieces at all. The only requirement of being a bridesmaid is to show up on the wedding date and stand up for you, that's really it. I would mention to them that you are starting on them soon, and if they offer to help, then that's fine. But I wouldn't ask them to help you.
Posted by FutureMrsFraser[/QUOTE]

Dito.

Pinky09 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_starting-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:dbf81e20-6acd-4dd4-bad3-b75a275a9276Post:51f77d8e-2866-4e27-921e-def5ea52771c">Re: Starting Date</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really think you can ask your bridesmaids to help you do centerpieces at all. The only requirement of being a bridesmaid is to show up on the wedding date and stand up for you, that's really it.
Posted by FutureMrsFraser[/QUOTE]

Are you serious? My BM would be more than happy to help out if I needed. Your requirement as a BM is more than just stand there, my BM helped planned my bridal shower and bachelorette party. My MOH helped me do a lot of little details before the big day. They signed up to help you throughout the wedding process, now I'm NOT saying they should drop everything and help you, but if they have the time and you needed help I don't see what the problem is. If you need the help OP, ask for it and if they want to help Great, if not then just move on and do it yourself. Good Luck!

oh and I would start early with everything. It takes longer than expected to finish all the small details.

elizabethb3511 · July 2010

When I was a BM for a friend, the Bride asked me to help make place card holders two nights before the wedding. I sliced my hand open using the knife and now have permanent numbness in one of my fingers! BUT, I'd do it again for her in a heartbeat! ASK your BMs especially if they have any floral arranging or design experience. Don't be surprised if they ask big things of you in return for their big day!

FutureMrsFraser · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_starting-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:dbf81e20-6acd-4dd4-bad3-b75a275a9276Post:0913f779-c6b5-42a4-aa63-95cee2f6a263">Re: Starting Date</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Starting Date : Are you serious? My BM would be more than happy to help out if I needed. Your requirement as a BM is more than just stand there, my BM helped planned my bridal shower and bachelorette party. My MOH helped me do a lot of little details before the big day. They signed up to help you throughout the wedding process, now I'm NOT saying they should drop everything and help you, but if they have the time and you needed help I don't see what the problem is. If you need the help OP, ask for it and if they want to help Great, if not then just move on and do it yourself. Good Luck! oh and I would start early with everything. It takes longer than expected to finish all the small details.
Posted by Pinky09[/QUOTE]

My BMs are more than happy to help me with anything as well, my MOH is planning my shower and Bachelorette party as well... I'm not saying they don't, I'm just saying she shouldn't EXPECT them to do these things because it is not a requirement of being a bridesmaid. I've been MOH and a BM in other weddings and I did do those things for the bride too, as well as help with planning, whatever the bride needed, etc. But not all people are like that.

Post this on one of the national boards and see what response you get, I can assure you, I'm not the only person that feels this way.

Beth0882 · July 2010

All of my BMs have offered to help out with whatever I need, so I would have no problems calling any of htem up and saying "hey, i am planning on working on centerpieces sometime in the next month, any interest in helping out?" and then trying to find a time that works for them. Now, if they couldn't do it for some reasn, I would NOT be mad, but I also wouldn't feel bad asking.

So, like paramedicswife and Pinky said I think it depends on your relationship with your bridesmaids and if they have offered to help so far, etc. Just make sure when you ask it doesn't come off as an expectation, and don't get mad if they can't help out!

That said, we are doing our own centerpieces, which involves cutting glass and oter time intensive stuff. Luckily I have FI to help but we haven't even started ther than making a sample and we are also getting married 114 days from now!

GirlieGirl27320 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_starting-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:dbf81e20-6acd-4dd4-bad3-b75a275a9276Post:6d5a7813-cc9c-4fd0-a9b8-c5017e5ce6b2">Re: Starting Date</a>:
[QUOTE]All of my BMs have offered to help out with whatever I need, so I would have no problems calling any of htem up and saying "hey, i am planning on working on centerpieces sometime in the next month, any interest in helping out?" and then trying to find a time that works for them. Now, if they couldn't do it for some reasn, I would NOT be mad, but I also wouldn't feel bad asking. So, like paramedicswife and Pinky said I think it depends on your relationship with your bridesmaids and if they have offered to help so far, etc. Just make sure when you ask it doesn't come off as an expectation, and don't get mad if they can't help out! That said, we are doing our own centerpieces, which involves cutting glass and oter time intensive stuff. Luckily I have FI to help but we haven't even started ther than making a sample and we are also getting married 114 days from now!
Posted by Beth0882[/QUOTE]
This.....and I am so fortunate to have a FI and mom that are always asking..."ok, now what needs to be done?"....so I really don't have to ask anyone else at this point to help out. But my BM are super supportive and really want to be hands-on in all of this with me, so they would help if I ever needed it.

LVCK · July 2010

I think you can certainly ask if BMs are willing to help with things. Maybe plan a little party with some munchies and wine and INVITE them to come to your crafty night. There's nothing wrong with that. Just as long as you aren't saying... hey this is when I'm doing this, you need to come help. I would get started whenever you have the time to do so... leaving things to the last minute is a PITA. I left programs, guest book, cardbox, etc to the last minute (out of necessity) and was stressed up until the morning of about them.

ecuchika · July 2010

Ok so personally I have done some lurking on the international boards! Let me say I agree with everything posted above. If you go to the international boards and post what you just posted...they will be really straightforward/bold and tell you that BMs are not required to do that etc etc...their only requirement is buy the outfit and show up at the wedding. Pre-wedding parties although mostly hosted by MOHs/BMs/& MOMs is apparently not in the job description as a requirement but it is the norm for it to be a gift from the MOHs/BMS/MOMs to the bride/groom. As far as helping with planning and making decorations or DIY projects same thing most help but its not a requirement.
After all that..I think MOST MOHs/BMs will be willing to help with all that you asked. I know mine are asking me almost weekly for contact info so they can start planning my showers--sending this out real soon

. And I know that most of them will help me out with stuff. So like PPs said if your relationship is a drop everything for my BFF then its ok to extend an invitation to come over and do some wedding things like make centerpiecces...So as not to be rude and act like this is a job demand I would offer food and or wine and make it a "party"

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