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HELP!! MOM crazy and only 2 week into it!

smt861smt861 member
10 Comments
in Wedding Woes
I got engaged TWO weeks ago! I'm not getting married till Sept 2010.  Happy right? Yeah, for a week....my mother already went to an expo, and is taking a day off tomorrow to take me to vene appointments and dress shopping.  Ok--fine we can window shop, get an idea of how much things are going to cost, my sisters coming to see me try on dresses--super fun! Right?  WRONG--she called today and goes "Am I and dad getting ANY say for decsions for the wedding?"   Note: they are not paying.   What do I say to that??!! and how do I keep it under wraps and in control, because my mom will just bulldose over me.  Of course I want my mom with me while I go through this process...shes my mom! but this is already ridiculous!..HELP!!!
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Re: HELP!! MOM crazy and only 2 week into it!

  • karkissy09karkissy09
    First Comment
    I think you need to just tell her you need things to slow down a little.
    Just talk to her calmly about it and hopefully she'll listen without freaking out on you.

    My mom was kind of the same way, when I got her involved in stuff she took the ball and ran with it and didn't really want to let me do any of it. She just wanted to make the all the decisions.
    My sisters had let her do that for their weddings and had actually preferred it. But once she saw me really taking all the initiative of everything she relaxed a little.
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  • kayakrunhikekayakrunhike
    100 Comments

    Okay, take a deep breath.  My mom was like this, too.  Actually, at first she wanted nothing to do with it, then started freaking out when I made decisions without her input.  No fun, no matter which way you look at it.

    Talk to her.  Let her know that you want to enjoy being engaged a little longer, before you really start planning.  You have a year (I'm assuming you meant 9/2011, not 2010).  Also, be firm and let her know that you and your FI will be making the final decisions on stuff related to the wedding, but you're open to suggestions she might have.  If you really think she'll bulldoze you, leave out the being open to suggestions part.  If you don't set the precedent now, you will be kicking yourself in the future. 

    Go ahead with the dress shopping with your mom and sisters, but don't let them talk you into a dress you don't love.  The first time is exciting, and you might regret it if you don't know what you're looking for.  I would start looking through bridal magazines and dress websites, find some styles you love and bring a couple pics with you.  Also, if you have the chance, go on an appt by yourself.  That's how I really figured out what looked great on me, and I was able to say no when others really pressured me on a dress I liked, but didn't love.

    Anyway, recap: Be firm with your mom, and make it clear from the start you and your fI are in charge.  I'm sure she's excited for you, and that's great, but it doesn't mean she gets to take over.

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