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Interracial Wedding..... Need Advice

khill4784khill4784
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in Interracial Weddings

My FI is black, and I'm white. I'm really nervous about our interracial wedding :( 

My mom's side of the family is not very.... cultured. Example, my great gma still says "colored". She is 94 years old and has no filter. My brother is the type of person who is almost TOO comfortable. He will say things that are inappropriate, but think they are ok because he is friends with my FI... And then there's the rest of the family. They are still privvy to the stereotypes, and assume that because someone is of a specific race, they all act a certain way. (If that makes sense without putting it all out there)

Of course it goes the same way with my FI's family too.

We just want everyone to blend as well as we do! Has anybody had an experience similar to this? What kind of things might help our families mesh, or find some common ground?

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Re: Interracial Wedding..... Need Advice

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    mizutamababymizutamababy member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    If you have any specific comments they've made in the past you'd like to avoid having repeated I'd try to talk it over with your family.  For example, a lot of people say "oriental" for Asian where we live, but it's not a term that should be used fo describe people and I didn't want those kind of remarks towards my husband at my wedding.  Most of the (older) people in my family didn't even realize it was offensive until I brought it up and they're glad I said something because the last thing they wanted to do was make an embarrassing remark.

    Approach your brother about how what he says might be misconstrued by others that don't know his and FI's relationship even though you and your FI know he means nothing by it.  Same to any family you're concerned about possibly bringing up stereotypes that have no business being said at the wedding.  You can try talking to your great grandmother, but there's not much to probably be done with someone that set in their ways.  Besides just giving everyone a heads up in a polite way there's not much else you can do.

    FWIW my family can be really bad about making racial stereotype comments, but nobody said anything embarrassing at our wedding, even though DH messed up his vows a little because he's not fluent in English. :)
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    melntaittmelntaitt member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    First - welcome to our board! It's nice to see people can find it and freely air their concerns. That's what we're here for.

    I understand how that can be uncomfortable - for both of you but I would do what Miztuma said and have an honest conversation with them. Make sure you give them very specific examples, outline your expectations and express your concerns. I am not entirely sure about the nature of the relationship with your family, but I know if I talked to my family seriously about it, they would be supportive.

    Has your family actually said or done anything that made your FI uncomfortable? That would be a good opener for the conversation - "Granma, remember last week when you said X about Mr. Khil4784? It was pretty offensive and we just want to make sure you know how it made us feel. Our relationship is very important to us and you're very important to me. I want this to work; will you help me do that?"

    Please let us know how it works out? Family differences are usually a signficant aspect of interracial relationships - but it's only one part. We're here to listen and offer advice!
    Vacation White Knot
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    littleluckypennylittleluckypenny member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Ditto what Mizutamababy and Melntaitt said:

    And welcome!
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