Revoking a Wedding Invitation

lovelastforever · May 2011

Has anyone had the experience of revoking a wedding invite of a college friend that would interfere with keeping peace within the immediate family members of the groom.
One of our bridesmaids has recently been burned bad by an invited guest who has already received his invitation. If this guest attends the wedding it is going to cause serious tension for the wedding day. Who should be the bad guy to tell this guest that it would be in the best interest of the grooms family for him not to attend the Wedding.

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

Sorry, can't do that. Cross your fingers that he doesn't show up.

baystateapple · May 2011

You can't do it.

One of my BMs dated one of H's GMs. They broke up before the wedding. Both of them acted like adults the day of. You should try to trust your friends to do the same.

But no, you can't "uninvite" someone.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revoking-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09c53aa8-557b-407c-990c-24beef1c846cPost:1845fa9f-e5b0-4829-baf0-fc88ecf8af3a">Revoking a Wedding Invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]Has anyone had the experience of revoking a wedding invite of a college friend that would interfere with keeping peace within the immediate family members of the groom. One of our bridesmaids has recently been burned bad by an invited guest who has already received his invitation. If this guest attends the wedding it is going to cause serious tension for the wedding day. Who should be the bad guy to tell this guest that it would be in the best interest of the grooms family for him not to attend the Wedding.
Posted by lovelastforever[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't understand what it has to do with the groom's family, unless the BM is the groom's sister or something. Either way, you can't revoke a wedding invite because he dumped her or something. Expect everyone to tbe the grown adults that they (hopefully) are, and be able to get along for the night.</div>

July2012bride · May 2011

Unfortunately you can't revoke an invite once you send it. You can, however, hope and pray that if things are really that bad between all parties involved, he will choose not to show up.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

Tell me more. I need to hear the definition of "badly burned" and how this effects the groom's family, specifically.

ajroark · May 2011

I would hope that this guest wouldn't have the audacity to show up...

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revoking-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09c53aa8-557b-407c-990c-24beef1c846cPost:0b32f149-b8f6-43f5-8bbc-9b647471788c">Re: Revoking a Wedding Invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell me more. I need to hear the definition of "badly burned" and how this effects the groom's family, specifically.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

Ditto - I like details =)

emilyinchile · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revoking-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09c53aa8-557b-407c-990c-24beef1c846cPost:a2e9c474-4232-4fe5-97bb-fc03004253a7">Re: Revoking a Wedding Invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]I would hope that this guest wouldn't have the audacity to show up...
Posted by ajroark[/QUOTE]

How can you say this without having any idea what he did?

OP, no revoking.

Snippylynn · May 2011

Unless the person was literally burned...

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

Agreed, Snippy. Throwing kerosene on someone and lighting a match would = loss of invite - but probably b/c the person would be in jail...

ETA: which, I guess you wouldn't need to revoke said invite since they wouldn't be able to come anyway.

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

OP, did you try to get lovelastSforever as your name, but it was already taken? I'm just wondering if there's one of those out there and that's why you couldn't get that s in there...

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

OP, please come back with the details so we can (possibly) provide guidance specific to your situation. Right now, with how vague the details are, the answer is: no. But with specifics, you may have one of the few instances where we hide etiquette behind our backs and help you craft a wee voodoo doll of the offending would be guest. Don't rob us of our craft time. Come. Share. Bring corn husks.

emilyinchile · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revoking-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09c53aa8-557b-407c-990c-24beef1c846cPost:d6a87fb4-7a30-433a-8b75-9488af3c22c1">Re: Revoking a Wedding Invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]Unless the person was literally burned...
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

Ha, fair point.

mkrupar · May 2011

Yeah, I'm going to need a little more before actually giving advice on this situation. Other than, no, based on what you've said, you can't uninvite him.

barrelbabe004 · May 2011

H's BM and one of my BMs (H's cousin) had a BAD breakup before our wedding. To the point where her entire family has written him off. They were pissed that he was a part of our wedding but we made it clear that our wedding day was a day to act like grown ups and we weren't going to tolerate any drama that day. They are both important people in our lives and deserved to be a part of our day.

Luckily H's family was able to act mature and just steered clear of the BM for most of the night and he did the same.

blush64 · May 2011

I haven't revoked an invite and as everyone said it shouldn't be done. They all gave you the right answer.

However, I will add that if you plan on cutting off contact with this guy forever and he has done something that is truely horrible then I think you can tell him he is no longer welcome. I would only do that if the guy had done something that purposely injured a family member or something very horrible and I was sure that I was going to be dropping this person as a friend altogether.

Bad etiquette but if someone was going to be a threat to safety or something similar I would do it anyway. Other than serious risks I think you're kind of stuck with him.

If it's just a break up I would let it go.

EDITED

SparrowSong · May 2011

At this point it's up to the offending guest to realize his presence would be unwelcome by some and bow out gracefully. You've already fulfilled your part and there is nothing you can politely do to make him not come.

It's like Pride and Prejudice when Mr Bingley has invited Mr Wickham to Netherfield for the ball. He can't uninvite him, but Wickham ends up coming up with an excuse for not being able to attend as he realized it would be awkward to be so near Mr Darcy and "scenes may arise unpleasant to more than myself."

/nerdy Jane Austen moment

NOLAbridealmost · May 2011

Yeah...this is not your problem. Follow etiquette and don't get into the middle.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revoking-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09c53aa8-557b-407c-990c-24beef1c846cPost:400c427e-cb58-4c5b-b7f9-573c73f6ef84">Re: Revoking a Wedding Invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]At this point it's up to the offending guest to realize his presence would be unwelcome by some and bow out gracefully. You've already fulfilled your part and there is nothing you can politely do to make him not come. It's like Pride and Prejudice when Mr Bingley has invited Mr Wickham to Netherfield for the ball. He can't uninvite him, but Wickham ends up coming up with an excuse for not being able to attend as he realized it would be awkward to be so near Mr Darcy and "scenes may arise unpleasant to more than myself." /nerdy Jane Austen moment
Posted by SparrowSong[/QUOTE]

<3 Let's be friends now.

This just solved my "what to read next" dilemma. It is physically impossible for me to hear/see a Pride & Prejudice reference without immediately reading it again in it's entierety.

mandapanda78 · May 2011

SparrowSong I don't know you, but I love you.

mandapanda78 · May 2011

Hey Mel, wanna come over and watch the Colin Firth mini series with me? You know you do.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revoking-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09c53aa8-557b-407c-990c-24beef1c846cPost:05e51c7b-4db8-4dc2-9a6b-99c902a0e124">Re: Revoking a Wedding Invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Mel, wanna come over and watch the Colin Firth mini series with me? You know you do.
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]

YES. Yes, absolutely I do. Immediately. Like, now.

tayylor65 · May 2011

I definitely wouldn't revoke any invites. There's tension in my bridal party now but I wouldn't think of asking 1 to step down b/c of that. We're all adults--they should be able to keep the peace for the wedding and I hope your guests would feel the same way (if they're good friends at least).

Dayna3773 · May 2011

Unless he has caused her physical harm (burning, abuse, rape, etc) then I think you're stuck. If her or a guest's safety is on the line, then approach gently, but I would just let it go and pray for the best.

8daysaweek · May 2011

OP unless there's a concern of physical safety, I wouldn't revoke the invite.

If that is the case though, then yes we had to do this. We revoked an invitation because the teenaged son is charged with molesting a couple young girls on our guest list.

We just contacted them and told them "In light of recent events, we feel it would be best if you did not attend the wedding."

We've also cut off all contact with the family and have no intention of having any contact with them in the future. Unfortunately, the mother has also been extremely hurtful and antagonistic to the victims and their families.

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