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Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Fee Shower?

Hi Ladies,

I hope someone out there can help me with this one.  My MOH's soon-to-be MIL is throwing her a shower (my MOH is getting married a few months after me) and on the invite, it says it is a "bridal fee shower."  I asked my MOH about what this meant as it was the first time I had ever heard the terminology (and I googled it and couldn't find a straight answer), and she indicated that it was a shower where people gave only $$$.  Is anyone familiar with this, as I don't know the guidelines, and unfortunately will be on my honeymoon for the shower, so need to send $$$ to the MIL-to-be ahead of time.  I just want to be sure that if there is anything I am supposed to do outside of sending $$$ and a card, that I do so.  Any insight would be extremely appreciated!

Thanks!!!

Re: Bridal Fee Shower?

  • edited December 2011
    Nope...I wish I  was bored... but this is the real thing.  Yes, I am biting my tongue on it as well, as I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone doing this for me, but I don't think my friend is terribly comfortable with it either although it didn't sound like she had much of say.

    In any case...thanks for your thoughts.  It makes me feel better that the thoughts in the back of my mind weren't totally off base. ;-)
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If I was your friend I'd risk offending FMIL in favor of not offending every single guest invited to the shower and possibly all the wedding guests when the invitees gab about this to all their family members and friends.

    I know that the bride is supposed to have very little to do with the shower planning but I would judge her if I was invited to a shower like this.  I think she should decline unless FMIL agrees to throw a traditional shower. 

    It sounds harsh but if my MIL had done this I would've had to say no, even if it meant potentially destroying the relationship.  It just isn't cool and completely goes against everything that a shower is.
    [Deleted User]
  • edited December 2011

    Ladies...thank you so much for the good points you raise, as I think I will try to encourage her to talk with her future MIL as she seems very uncomfortable with the thought of people giving $$$, but I think does not want to offend her new MIL or their family. 

    Also...it was good to know that I wasn't being snarky with my own thoughts about it ;-)


    Have a wonderful weekend and thanks again!

  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I have never heard of this before, and if it's true that is a horrible idea! The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts that will help her and her FI start their new home.

    Ditto StageManager.. you need to run some damage control quick! I can't imagine how many of the shower guest may already be offended and talking about it to others. Yipes!
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-fee-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:9ff360cb-7adf-483c-99b0-efefd4c74f37Post:b76ffd17-8d0b-4dcc-870c-6bc43d626b49">Bridal Fee Shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Ladies, I hope someone out there can help me with this one.  My MOH's soon-to-be MIL is throwing her a shower (my MOH is getting married a few months after me) and on the invite, it says it is a "bridal fee shower."  I asked my MOH about what this meant as it was the first time I had ever heard the terminology (and I googled it and couldn't find a straight answer), and she indicated that it was a shower where people gave only $$$.  Is anyone familiar with this, as I don't know the guidelines, and unfortunately will be on my honeymoon for the shower, so need to send $$$ to the MIL-to-be ahead of time.  I just want to be sure that if there is anything I am supposed to do outside of sending $$$ and a card, that I do so.  Any insight would be extremely appreciated! Thanks!!!
    Posted by anifitz[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, this is just awful, awful, awful.  I have to say, if I were invited to such a thing, I'd decline the "honor".  I'd also try to have your friend's FI have a "come to Jesus" meeting with his mother, and tell her that your friend is just completely uncomfortable with such a thing.

    did I mention that it's AWFUL?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I was just invited to my first of these. I can't even believe it. Speechless...

  • Seconding trix. Awful, awful, awful.

    I feel bad for that poor bride if this is really all FMIL.

  • I have never heard of this. Vom.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I never heard of this either.  And I could never ask for money as a gift either.

    I think the bride needs to find a gentle but firm way to make this clear to her FMIL, including not having the shower.
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