Proposal ideas for a guy?

cremebrulee · December 2009

Hi everyone. I need some help and thought you all might have some advice for me. I'm planning on getting engaged to my girlfriend of over a year but I'm having trouble coming up with ways of doing it.

I feel like she would want a kind of classic proposal with some kind of creative twist. But how do you do that and keep it classic? What kind of things do you make up and what kinds of things is she probably going to expect me to do to make it feel "right"? In your opinion is there anything a guy can do (or not do) that would make it disappointing? Please be as honest as possible! Thank you.

chinelly_25 · December 2009

What types of things do you two like to do together? That will help me come up with some ideas for ya!

adamnkel · December 2009

Do you have a fav restaurant? My fi proposed at a small restaurant that we go to all the time. He had the owner write will you marry me in chocolate on a white plate.

AmoroAgain · December 2009

Honestly, I think huge, production proposals are hokey. Sometimes, the best is just to ask her on a day where maybe she's not feeling her best, or when you wake up together in the morning... Whenever you feel is "right" is always going to be the right time.

SarahSmile23 · December 2009

my husband knows i love horses so he took me on a surprise vaca to a bed and breakfast on a horse farm for the weekend. we went out to a really nice dinner one night there, but that isn't where he proposed. instead, he did it on our last morning there. we had just gone for an amazing trail ride and finished breakfast. we came back to our cabin to shower, pack up, and leave. i was wearing jeans and a tank top, smelled like a horse, and had on no makeup. it meant more to me then than it would have out in a public venue because i didn't expect it, and i loved that there weren't other people around. it was just him and me, being ourselves, on a great morning! and he still personalized it and put thought into it by planning the weekend away for us.

every woman is different. some women dream of a huge elaborate proposal out in public. but i think most of us would love for it to be a private, intimate moment. like amoro said, most of us would even love it when we wake up in the morning and least expect it!

mwhitson14 · December 2009

Really, it's all about what's special to y'all. I could tell you my proposal story, but it would mean nothing if you guys don't like to randomly go dancing outside with the headlights shining on you

Try to think of things that remind you of good times you've had together, things you like to do together, something that makes you think of her or shows her how much you lov her.

cremebrulee · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_proposal-ideas-guy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:bf490194-e3f9-4a93-8b2f-e69e4fdf549aPost:713c4f87-aa1c-44e7-ab12-3d19a02f6958">Re: Proposal ideas for a guy?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you have a fav restaurant? My fi proposed at a small restaurant that we go to all the time. He had the owner write will you marry me in chocolate on a white plate.
Posted by adamnkel[/QUOTE]

That's really sweet. I was actually thinking about doing it at the restaurant we had our first date. The only thing with that is that I don't know if it would be a bad idea to do it in front of a bunch of strangers...I think she might prefer something private like others have said. Is doing it at home too unexciting/unromantic?

P.S. thanks for all the feedback so far everyone!

Brie2010 · December 2009

I agree--it doesn't matter how you do it, as long as you're honest.

My FI proposed to me while I was sick in bed in my pajamas, before he had a ring. He just couldn't wait any longer to do it, and it means so much to me. Orchestrated huge productions are really overrated--carry the ring around with you and wait for the moment to make itself!

pergs · December 2009

I loved the way my fiance proposed to me. Anything that is incredibly thoughtful (which is what he did) and personal is awesome. He hired the musicians who were at our first date (i didn't even know he remembered them) to serenade me at my parents house. Got down on his knee, and the words really said everything he couldn't because he was so choked up.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

My FI proposed to me in his car, in the parking lot of our condo, on a random (or so I thought) rainy Saturday afternoon. It was totally unexpected, not at all staged, and was absolutely perfect. I thought he was joking at first, so I asked where my ring was, and it had been in the console underneath my arm the whole time I was driving us home from brunch.

Perfect, I tell ya. The when, where, and how don't matter near as much as the "will you marry me?" part.. I promise!

louisvillebride21 · December 2009

What about where you first told her you loved her? FI took me to a bed and breakfast we had been at the year before (on V-Day). He told me he loved me the year before and then proposed the next year. We had the same room and he said really really sweet things that meant a lot to us as a couple.

AdeleDazeem · December 2009

Why don't you take her to the restaurant you want, but wait until after the meal to propose? Maybe go for a walk or say you want to go get dessert somewhere else. Some girls like the idea of being proposed to in front of a bunch of strangers, but I'd hate every second of it. And if you aren't sure, best to err on the side of caution.

My fiance wasted four months trying to come up with the right way to propose to me. In the end, he picked a spot and just did it. It was perfect. Not because of where he picked (although he picked well) and not because it was a grand gesture (like a horse and dressed as knight. Good lord, I know someone who did this), but because he was so nervous and excited. I can't think of a moment when I adored him any more than that.

ros3392 · December 2009

So sweet! If you want to do it at the restaurant, maybe they have a private room, or a really secluded corner- talk with the owner or manager and see what they can do. My fiance proposed to me in our apartment, after work, and after he made a really nice dinner with candles and flowers. It meant a lot to me, because it was on a Tuesday, not Christmas or Valentine's day or anything special. I hear a lot of Christmas and Valentine's Day proposals, but what about a New Year's proposal at midnight? That might be cute!

Good luck and let us know what you end up doing!

laurenclaire1386 · December 2009

IMO, you're asking your GF to marry you, there's really not a way to screw it up. But, if you're not sure she'd like to be in public, then definitely do it in private.

megk8oz · December 2009

My FI actually asked (What I thought to be "years" before the proposal was "supposed" to come) what I'd be comfortable with, because he is super-OCD about things being perfect. I told him I only had 2 requests regarding the proposal:

1) I wanted him to get my parents blessing first, and

2) I didn't care what he did, I just wanted to know "more than 5 seconds of thought" went into it.

Part 2 was mainly because I'd been proposed to by another guy before, it he did it pretty much just to end an arguement, so I wanted to know however it went down, that he took the time to actually think about what kind of commitment getting engaged was.

The conversation ended with us pretty much saying since we knew we'd have to pay for a wedding and we didn't want a long "official" engagement, that he'd ask in a year or so.

It wound up happening about a month later when we closed on our condo together. He had the realtor get him into the house after the final walk-through but before the closing, where he filled the living room with flowers. After we signed all the papers, he said "Let's see our new 'home'". I walked in and see the flowers and starting gushing about how sweet he was and how exciting this whole thing was, when he interrupts me and says "Just listen for a sec". Then he got on one knee and asked.

Turned out, before he even asked me about my "requests", he already had a ring and a few different ideas up his sleeve.

squirrly · December 2009

My only recommendation is to try to find a way to get a photo of you that day. It was the hottest day of the year, and by the time I cried and we hugged and we sweatted, we were NOT photo worthy once we got home to a camera.

Other than that - do something that is meaningful. I've ridden horses all my life, and FI has come to love horses too. He proposed at Churchill Downs, which is the home of the Kentucky Derby. Not only did we get engaged - but we won every race we bet on that night, too. My FI knew I didn't want a public proposal, so even though there were thousands of people around, nobody was paying any attention to us, and it was perfect.

Just find something that feels right - something that you'll both love looking back on - and it will be perfect for you too.

cremebrulee · December 2009

Thanks again for all the input everyone. I like the idea of doing it after the restaurant on a walk or something along those lines. And I never would have thought to take a picture beforehand, but that's a great idea.

So don't do it on Christmas or Valentine's day? What about a birthday or anniversary? Or should it have it's own day in your opinion?

And what about asking her folks for permission? Did your guys do that or no? It sounds like guys still go down on their knee. Is that still pretty universal? Anything else I should keep in mind?

squirrly · December 2009

I think it really depends on what your girlfriend is most comfortable with. Would opening the ring in front of family on Christmas day suit her? Or, later that day, on a walk in the snow just the two of you?

Valentine's Day isn't inherently good or bad - it all depends on you and her and your relationship.

Some girls like the guy to ask the parent's permission. I told my FI absoutely NOT to do that. It is my decision and mine alone who I marry - but that's just me. If you're not sure, ask her best girlfriend.

Down on one knee is still good.

Is there anyting your girlfriend has always wanted to do, but never had the chance? Someplace she's been bugging you to go? Those would be a good starting point.

AdeleDazeem · December 2009

I like the idea of a random day because of the element of surprise. But that's just me! I don't think it matters.

My fiance did not get down on one knee, but I know that my sister's fiance did. Again, you're going to be in the moment. Do what feels natural!

And, my fiance talked to my parents before he asked me. This meant a great deal to my parents, especially my father. I know a lot of people find this outdated and "offensive" in some way, but my father was so touched that he cried.

My sister's fiance didn't ask and, while her engagement was only a few months after mine, my parents did get over the fact that he didn't ask them. All is well with both of us.

You know her family. If her parents and her want and appreciate the gesture, go ahead. If she has strong feelings the other way, then respect those as well.

EDK2010 · December 2009

My FI proposed on a random Monday night. I was coming home from the grocery store and walked in my door to find a path of roses and candles leading me into the living room where FI was down on one knee. He had two dozen roses, champagne and truffles to accompany his incredible proposal. We enjoyed the moment for a bit and then he had a whole night planned. A romantic dinner, drinks and dessert at a high-end hotel and a walk a long the river.

It was perfect because he knew I wanted it to be intimate and on a totally random day. I love that he planned things for us to do after the proposal to keep the romance going! He also asked my parents permission about a month before he proposed! Which was important to me and them!

Hope some of that helps! Good luck with everything and just know that she will love whatever you decide to do because the most important part is the actual proposal not the extra fluff!

AmoroAgain · December 2009

Shoot, my H was drunk and it was New Year's, 4 days before we moved to Europe. It definitely wasn't the way we wanted it, but it doesn't really change the outcome and the fact that we wanted to be married to one another.

Stop stressing. Just do it.

ros3392 · December 2009

Mine did not ask my dad for permission (which I had told him that I always would hope that he would) He said that he actually tried to about a hundred times, but felt really awkward doing it.. and basically just said forget about it. It would be nice so that it's not a total shock when she calls her parents to tell them, but I don't think its absolutely neccesary.

He did get down on one knee, which I thought was pretty sweet.. I think that it doesn't matter which day you do it, but if you do it on any other day, it will be a special day just for you two, instead of it being a holiday.. just do whatever day you feel happy with!

lilgina64 · December 2009

He proposed to me on his birthday. Which worked out well because I was already planning on letting him choose anywhere he wanted for dinner.
I got home from work, gave him his birthday presents and then he got down on one knee and asked. Turns out he had arranged to have my parents meet us for dinner at the place we had our first date. I'm really close with them so it was great to share dinner with them, but the fact that the proposal was private and just us made me feel much more comfortable crying and being ridiculous haha.
I'd say you should probably at least talk to someone who WONT spoil the surprise. Maybe her dad can keep a secret and it's nice to have the family know what's coming. My parents were happy he called them the week before and asked for my mother's ring setting to propose to me with.

cremebrulee · December 2009

Well it sounds like it might almost be better to do it on a random day since it makes it more of a surprise. Plus I think doing it in front of the family on Christmas would definitely be awkward (thanks for point that out).

[QUOTE]Is there anyting your girlfriend has always wanted to do, but never had the chance? Someplace she's been bugging you to go? Those would be a good starting point.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Hmm...a couple things come to mind. Would it be a bad idea to do it on a camping trip? Or on vacation in general? Is she going to sense something's up?

It sounds like it could go both way with the parents.
If she doesn't have a clear preference, would you say the safest bet would be to talk to the parents beforehand? I wouldn't want to disrespect anyone or make her feel like I skipped out on something.

@lilgina64 I like that he had something planned for you guys afterward and got your parents involved.

Did most of you want to go do something afterward to celebrate or just end the day privately with him? Would you prefer having a romantic dinner before or after your proposal?

AdeleDazeem · December 2009

I think a vacation is a nice time to do it!

Honestly - don't over think it too much. I'm only telling you that because my fiance debated for *four* months over these types of decisions. In the end, it was perfect because he stopped trying to make it grand and awesome and was just himself.

That aside, I think having something planned for afterwards is a lovely idea. Maybe go eat at the restaurant, take a walk to ask, and come back for dessert with everyone waiting. Or go on the camping trip, ask right before you leave (odd timing, she won't expect it), then have friends and family waiting at your house for when you get home.

Did we do something romantic afterwards? Ha... well... I was proposed to on a Sunday and was sick as a dog with kidney stones for the next week. We didn't get a romantic dinner or even champagne to nearly two weeks afterwards. But it was wonderful to finally celebrate!

lilgina64 · December 2009

oh I should mention his original proposal plan melted (he was going to hide the ring inside a kinder egg, they are chocolate hollow eggs from the UK).

I'd say call her parents and let them know you are proposing. There is a big difference between "asking permission" and "telling them". Most women wont be upset if you tell their parents ahead of time unless the parents spoil the surprise. But I can see how some women get upset that they feel like chattle.

FWIW he proposed, took me out to dinner wiht my parents, then we came home to have some alone time(we already lived together). So it was nice to share the moment with them but also that we got our private time together.

A vacation would be fun and you could plan a welcome home dinner to celebrate and annouce it when you get back. Just be prepared to spend a good hour on the phone with all the women in the family gushing haha

In the end as long as you say "will you marry me", you're doing it right

hope that helps!

kisseslauren · December 2009

In seridipendy her fiance proposed with a giant box with a smaller box and it keeps getting smaller until she finally got to the ring box maybe you could do that but put pictures of you two together on each box so its like a memories that lead up to the ring. Its super cute but it will be personalized too.

lilgina64 · December 2009

his family is 3000 miles away. so we couldnt include them.

I know my husband told his parents he was proposing to me before he told my parents. but unless they want to be included in the dinner or something there isnt much in the way of stuff for them to do that i can think of. you could include both sets of parents at a welcome home dinner if they live close enough

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