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In bridal party...gifts?

911katnstew911katnstew member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
OK,
I am standing up in my brothers wedding coming up in a few months. I am a bridesmaid, my husband is a groomsman, my daughter is a flower girl and my son is the ring bearer. Once all is said and done we will have spent around $1,000 on the attire alone. The bride is having 2 wedding showers and a fairly expensive bachelorette party. What is an acceptable gift to give? I will throw in that I have been married twice and my brother gave $300 at my 1st wedding and $100 at my second. He did stand up in my wedding and the tux was $100 bucks. I did not get a weddnig shower so there were no gifts involved there. It just seems like so much money. Do I have to give a shower gift? I will say that I work crazy hours and will most likely not be able to attend either one of the brides shower. I'm so happy for my brother and I love his wife-to-be I just am not made of money and with such a short engagement I don't have time to save up a bunch of money for all of this stuff! T.I.A for any info/advice!

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Re: In bridal party...gifts?

  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    I think you should give the gift you can afford. If you aren't attending a shower, then I see no reason to send a gift for it. Always give according to your own budget, not someone else's. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Being in the wedding is definitely an expense. If you cannot afford more (which I totally see why not) and will not be attending the shower, I would just send a small gift or giftcard if you can and then just give a wedding card for the wedding. If you don't want to send a shower gift and just give something small for the wedding, that would be ok too. But you are not obligated to buy a gift for the wedding. I just always feel bad not sending a little something for the shower if I can't attend.

    My own sister/MOH did not get us a wedding present bc she is in school, etc. And that was perfectly fine. She was there for me and that is all that mattered to me. H's brothers and sister, all of whom were in the wedding did not get us anything either. His sister just graduated from college and his brothers are struggling to make ends meet in today's tough economy and we knew that and it was ok. Having them beside us on our special day and looking back on the pics means more than any gift imo.
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Leave everything else out (how much he gave you, etc) and give what you can afford.  If travel, attire, parties, and all the other extra stuff has left you short of cash and you WANT to give more you can delay giving a gift up to one year until you can afford it.  If you don't want to do this give a gift/amount you are comfortable with giving.

    I would also add that, personally, if I were attending 2 bridal showers for the same person I would still only give one gift.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Esp since you are his sister i think you could give a very meaningful gift that isn't too expensive.  

    Maybe have something to do with your childhood.  
    A girl on my local received her invited framed with artwork done on the mat by her MOH who is a good painter.  She loved it.  

    How about a bottle of wine which will mature on their 10th anniversary?  

    A friend of mine is earning her PhD and is broke so she gives a CD of 500 or so recipes she has gathered through years, she is a great cook and baker.  
    She also gets a memory box to hold things like your garter, a few dried flowers from your bouquet, your programs, and other little things from your wedding day.  

    How about a photo book from blurb/ my publisher etc of pictures of both of them growing up and then of them as a couple.  You can get can coupons codes and spend under $30.  

    Good luck!
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  • lexandfablexandfab member
    100 Comments
    I am getting married next week so can only speak from personal experience. I was very very surprised when my bridal party got me a gift for my shower. I wasn't expecting it and it was very sweet but certainly not expected. And they were there for it! If you are unable to attend and in the party I wouldn't worry about it. And I agree with PP about a meaningful gift versus expensive for the wedding. Even a nice card. They will no doubt love it, I know I would
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