XP: Dress vote

Jess11213 · May 2012

I had a dress that I was going to wear, but we ended up changing our date from next January to this June and I don't like the dress for a summer wedding. I found two dresses that I love, but are so totally different. We are doing an outdoor wedding at a park with lunch at the park pavilion after. Which dress should I get?

taraajones · May 2012

Is your wedding more formal or casual? If it is a casual wedding you might want to go with the dress with the blue on it. If the wedding is more formal you should probably go with the more formal dress.

AbbeyS2011 · May 2012

The question is: Do you have to have the white dress and all the trimmings? Is this your "perfect wedding" dream? If yes, then go with the traditional one.

If you really do not care about the dress, or how you look, you just want to get married, then go with the more casual one.

You could always get both, and change after the ceremony and pictures, before the luncheon.

boaznruth · May 2012

They are both very different!

For me, if I wore the one on the bottom, I would worry that I would "feel" like a bride. Sure, the dress is a small part of the whole thing and I'm having a beach wedding, so I tried on more casual styles, but in the end, to me, it still had to look like a wedding dress. However, if you don't have the same hang up and want something more casual that you could conceivably wear again, I think the dress on the bottom is very nice and you'd probably be a lot more comfortable in the park in it.

So, for me, it would come down to a choice...is it more important to look the part of a traditional bride or be comfortable in a casual venue and have more freedom of movement to enjoy the day? Both look great on you!

Jess11213 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_xp-dress-vote?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:6619ee01-afe6-48a3-860a-cc8d5bfd5f46Post:292febfa-c7fd-4afb-8097-9a5f7b44eed6">Re: XP: Dress vote</a>:
[QUOTE]They are both very different! For me, if I wore the one on the bottom, I would worry that I would "feel" like a bride. Sure, the dress is a small part of the whole thing and I'm having a beach wedding, so I tried on more casual styles, but in the end, to me,<strong> it still had to look like a wedding dress.</strong> However, if you don't have the same hang up and want something more casual that you could conceivably wear again, I think the dress on the bottom is very nice and you'd probably be a lot more comfortable in the park in it. So, for me, it would come down to a choice...is it more important to look the part of a traditional bride or be comfortable in a casual venue and have more freedom of movement to enjoy the day? Both look great on you!
Posted by boaznruth[/QUOTE]

This is where I am having issues. I want to feel and look like a bride, but I guess I still have hang ups about getting the beautiful gown for a second wedding. I have read the stickies at the top about guilty feelings and such and I am totally in that boat. I keep trying to tell myself that this is our wedding and should be celebrated (especially after the hell both of us went through with our ex's) but it is so hard to get past those feelings and the worries about what other people will think. I also tried on other, less formal wedding dresses, and only tried the one on in the picture on a whim because I kept going back to it and the store owner told me to just try it on. Of course that's the one I fell in love with.

handfast4me · May 2012

I ended up with a dress that looked very much like what the bottom one looks like, but in ivory, with a beaded empire waist. It was at a beach wedding--so I felt very much still like a bride, but since I was in my late 40s when I remarried, I didn't want anything too young.

I might suggest that if you're unsure, neither of these dresses are your dress. (Although, I have to confess, I never felt as some women describe in any of the 100+ dresses I tried on.) Try some other, non bridal stores, such as Nordstrom's (they have a fantastic selection of white/ivory dresses) or try a white "special occasion" dress in some of the bridal stores--that's where I found mine.

boaznruth · May 2012

I've reached a point in my life where I've come to the conclusion that it is impossible to please everyone else and that trying to was no way to live. I think, at least from what I hear from others and my own experience, that no matter what choices you make, there will always be someone there who disapproves. I think this is even more true of weddings in general and second or third or fourth weddings in particular.

If you feel more like a bride in a white dress, then I think you need a white dress for your wedding!

I went to the dress shop planning to get a tea length white-ish less formal dress for my beach wedding. However, on a whim, I tried on something longer with a short train, mainly because the matching dress for my daughter looked adorable. I never would have picked it out for myself and felt silly even trying it on...and yet...once I saw the two of us together in the mirror...that was it. I knew I was going to have to find a way to handle that dress on the beach because it just fit what I wanted our wedding to be, particularly seeing her and I together and the way she twirled in her dress (she's 6, so twirling is very important).

Would some people roll their eyes seeing me, a 30-something year old divorcee, on the beach in that gown? Sure. Heck, it probably will look silly as I'm trying to get all that over the sand. Still, it's the dress I felt like a bride in and in the end, it was more important for me to deal with the awkwardness of that dress than to wear something I didn't feel the same in.

I think looking at other special occasion dresses in white is also a great idea. You may find something there that feels more bride to you, but has less to deal with. Me, I'm so practical in most areas of my life...I guess this is my one area to be completely IM-practical.

timsflower81 · May 2012

So what, its your second wedding.. you still deserve to have the dress you want. I think the pictures say it all honestly. In the first pic, you are BEAMING from ear to ear. The second pic, you look uncomfortable and distressed. I think the first dress is gorgeous on you.

Jess11213 · May 2012

I got the first dress! I went to the store and tried it on again today. I'm so excited. I am having the train shortened and the front lengthened a little and it will be ready next week. Thank you all so much for your imput and for helping me get over the "its a second wedding" guilt fest.

AbbeyS2011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_xp-dress-vote?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:6619ee01-afe6-48a3-860a-cc8d5bfd5f46Post:e9d9bed5-21ec-4add-a5f5-e490363ebcb4">Re: XP: Dress vote</a>:
[QUOTE]I got the first dress! I went to the store and tried it on again today. I'm so excited. I am having the train shortened and the front lengthened a little and it will be ready next week. Thank you all so much for your imput and for helping me get over the "its a second wedding" guilt fest.
Posted by Jess11213[/QUOTE]

Congrats on choosing your dress!

boaznruth · May 2012

Yay!!!!

gfam23 · May 2012

Both gorgeous dresses, so happy you went with what you wanted and got the first one- it is beautiful!!

The second is so lovely though... maybe get it to wear for another occasion?

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