uninvited wedding guest - crazy request

packlite · July 2010

hi everyone, so i have been a lurker on this board for some time now (actually over a year) and never really had a need to post anything b/c most of the answers to all of my questions are already here and searchable. anyway, i had to create a new acct today to get ur advice on this one (my main acct has my email address as username and i cant change it...argh! - any way around this?)

so, due to the size of our venue and our budget we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to, but we got really close, inviting almost 200 people, which is bigger than we initially planned before we started having to list people. i agree with most of the posts here though that if you don't communicate with someone regularly its ok to leave them off.

for my bridal shower, the women from the wedding list who i was close too and wanted to spend that day with me. so here's the thing, someone in the same circle of friends i have asked on FB of all places why she didn't get a shower invite and other did? and could i please invite her to the shower?

how would you go about responding? would you even respond? i feel like if i say you can come, then im giving in but keep saying what's one more guest at the shower, and what abt people who are going to the wedding but didnt get shower invite? and everyone else i didnt invite to wedding or shower for whatever reason. i definitely will not respond on FB but just not sure what to say...i know what i want to say....i am pretty sure its not what would be the most proper thing to say though!

let me know what u think!
PL

salt78 · July 2010

That's pretty tacky of her to invite herself. Is she invited to the wedding in the first place?

cengle · July 2010

Who's planning/hosting the shower?
The way I see it, as long as the people you're inviting to the shower are invited to the wedding, and if the host is okay with the number of people invited to the shower, and the shower venue can hold them, I don't see a problem with inviting them, if they seem to really want to come.
Unless for some reason you don't want those specific people there. Then that's a whole other issue.

CLSchramm · July 2010

We had a few friends do this, and I just dont understand people. FB does not mean we're BFFs for life! It means I know you and choose to communicate with you on a public forum. I would delete her message off my wall and not respond. It's rude to assume you're invited to any event.

AdeleDazeem · July 2010

Is she invited to the wedding? Did whoever is throwing the party get a guest list from you and did you omit her on purpose?

I'd probably be honest and say you had no control over the guest list and that you were sorry. She is being really forward, though.

My mom and I came up with the guest list for my sister's shower. We missed people. We invited half a group of friends to the shower who were all invited to the wedding. It was an honest mistake and one that we felt pretty awful about.

Meg1979 · July 2010

If you do decide to respond, post off wall in a private message. You don't want to start an argument on FB or potentially embarrass her.

twinkie757 · July 2010

I agree about responding through a message and not on anyone's wall. You don't want anyone else to get the idea that this kind of behavior is acceptable.

stacy&tige · July 2010

Use the same response as if she tried to invite herself to your wedding: "I'm sorry but due to budget/venue size, I was unable to invite everyone I wanted" or something like that.

Is there a reason you invited other people from this circle of friends and not her? Was it a numbers/budget issue from the host? Just curious.

Jelenny · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-wedding-guest-crazy-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:341c365a-1682-4d01-87a8-c94f175a8a90Post:076d7b88-fc2b-4bff-b47f-618a544ef3d1">Re: uninvited wedding guest - crazy request</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a few friends do this, and I just dont understand people. FB does not mean we're BFFs for life! It means I know you and choose to communicate with you on a public forum. I would delete her message off my wall and not respond. It's rude to assume you're invited to any event.
Posted by CLSchramm[/QUOTE]

second

JaimiandJohn · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-wedding-guest-crazy-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:341c365a-1682-4d01-87a8-c94f175a8a90Post:076d7b88-fc2b-4bff-b47f-618a544ef3d1">Re: uninvited wedding guest - crazy request</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a few friends do this, and I just dont understand people. FB does not mean we're BFFs for life! It means I know you and choose to communicate with you on a public forum. I would delete her message off my wall and not respond. It's rude to assume you're invited to any event.
Posted by CLSchramm[/QUOTE]

I agree....what is it with people that feel it's "okay" or "their place" to invite themselves to these sort of events? We have had SEVERAL people take it upon themselves to invite themselves to our wedding...dont people know how rude and classless this is? I have had no problem letting people know (in person) they arent invited to our wedding as it is very limited space and it is a very small and intimate wedding with just our closest friends and family....and STILL we're at about 75 guests...

OP- Hold your ground on whom you do and dont want at your wedding and shower...It's YOUR day, not theirs.

_Dagney_ · July 2010

Say that you aren't the host of the shower and you didn't issue ANY invitations.

LOL let her think she "runied the surprize" HAHAHAHAHA

J/K I know you "shouldn't" do that...

She really put you in a awkward spot...I would honestly tell her that you aren't planning your own shower but that you would be in touch about any events you were hosting.

Ugh this sucks...

ipen44 · July 2010

i would never ask to be invited to an event. i would, however, feel bad if all of my old college group was facebooking openly about the upcoming shower of one of our friends and it appeared that i was the only one not invited. i would not invite her because it is rude to ask, but i would avoid posting about showers and surrouding events in this public forum to avoid hurt feelings. you can still say "had a great day with some wonderful friends and family--thanks gusy" without being specific.

packlite · July 2010

Thanks ladies! I wanted to respond with an update

My MOHs (2 of them) are planning the shower and I provided them with a list of who to invite. This list was built from the wedding guest list b/c I thought it was rude to invite ppl to shower and not to the wedding. I didn't invite this person to either b/c we really arent that close -we have hung out together in group settings before but never one on one, we dont touch base or check on each other and we really only talk or see each other when there is an organized get together for a group of us girls. I could not justify that invite with other famiyl/friends and my FH family/friends that we are just closer to and speak with more frequently.

I did respond to her via EMAIL and not FB (ugh! lol) and let her know that my MOH planned the showe for me and I gave them the list from wedding list, so as not to be rude. I said the whole "as much as we wanted to invite everyone to our big day, due to budget and size of venue, we weren't able to do so" thing.

I just think it sucks to put anyone in that awkward situation where they feel like they should invite you b/c you asked to be invited - if someone is having a special event and doesn't invite me, I am not offended, but I can take a hint - if i have to request an invite...its pretty obvious!

Response was that she was just kidding and still wanted to get me a gift.

PL

packlite · July 2010

also it wasnt posted on FB anywhere, at all - the details of the shower ARE actually a surprise to me! i only know the date!

and she isn't the only person from this very large group of people that i didn't invite, actually there are quite a few i wasnt able to invite - it was just so many people, especially after you add plus ones that there was no way to do it, so I had to really decide who i was closest to on this.

uninvited wedding guest - crazy request

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