I shouldn't have asked my BM's opinion

saharnshard · February 2012

I have 1 MOH and 2 BMs and I was hoping that it would be really easy to find a dress that everyone could agree on. Wrong! Two of my girls are a size 2, and pretty much shaped like sticks. The other is a size 12, with curves. I want them to wear strapless, cocktail length dresses, and I want them to like the dress I choose, or at least be comfortable in it, so I ask their opinion. I finally found one this weekend that the two sticks agreed on, that was a great price, but my curvy BM doesn't like it, because she doesn't like the top of it. The thing is, I already bought it - yes, I could easily take back, but I'm tired of looking. Should I tell her (in so many words) to suck it up, especially if I pay for it? Or should I give her the option to choose and pay for her own dress? I just don't want her to stand out if the other girls are wearing the same dress. Opinions?

Habs2Hart · February 2012

I think it depends. Does she just not like it, or is she uncomfortable with it?

FWIW, I had two BM that were a size 2, and one a size 4 and then a size 10 and my girl that sports curves looked good in every single dress she tried on, while the svelte girls were way harder to find a dress that looked great on them. Go figure.

saharnshard · February 2012

She just said she didn't like the top. She should be in town this weekend, so she can try on the dress I bought. If she doesn't like it, we can go shopping together.

Avion22 · February 2012

Could she possibly by a different style of dress in the same color? If she's curvy, maybe the thinks the strapless is too "booby" or doesn't support her very well. Or maybe she doesn't like strapless because it shows her arms. I would find out what it is specifically that she doesn't like. Maybe it could be solved with a shawl or shrug.

ceh789 · February 2012

Are you dead set on identical dresses? What if you picked a color and let them choose their own styles. Or - go with an 'infinity' type dress?

As a busty girl myself, I can understand that many (if not most) dresses that fit "stick" girls great just won't work for me.

ETA: If you have to have identical dresses - choose one that works on your bustiest BM. If you try to squeeze her into something that doesn't work well, you're risking a "wardrobe malfunction" in the middle of your ceremony. That would not be good.

calliopeia2013 · February 2012

Could you ask her what her objection is? I'm a busty girl too, and I literally cannot wear a strapless dress. Most will just not stay on, and the few that do look like I'm spilling out of them. If that's what she means when she says she doesn't like the top, then you should probably help find her a different cocktail length dress in the same color. Aside from your concerns about her being comfortable, it will look weirder/stand out more at your wedding if one of your BMs is wearing a terribly fitting dress than if one is wearing a slightly different style.

shannon5176 · February 2012

She hasn't even tried it on yet? And she's already saying she doesn't like it?

I would take her this weekend and have her try it on before she makes up her mind. Also, if it's a fit issue she should be able to have it altered to fit correctly. I honestly think strapless looks good on just about ANYONE as long as it fits correctly. I was never a fan of strapless dresses because I was always tugging on them. Then I went wedding dress shopping and learned that if the dress fits correctly there is not tugging.

Look into having the dress altered too if it makes her comfortable (i.e. add spaghetti straps or even a thicker strap.)

If it comes down to it, find a dress of the same color and fabric (typically by the same designer too) and let her pick something in a more flattering style that she is happy in.

It sounds like you are paying for the dress for her? If this is the case, tell her that you want her to be comfortable but that if a different dress is more expensive or requires more alterations ask if she can help. I have NEVER had a bride buy my bridesmaid dress and I think the fact you are doing so is beyond nice.

JacklovesSarah · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_i-shouldnt-have-asked-my-bms-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:57952477-2be9-4223-b264-55ea35a3e4f1Post:bd3a79c6-53a6-4d25-b231-6cf5c0ea2ac1">Re: I shouldn't have asked my BM's opinion</a>:
[QUOTE]She just said she didn't like the top. She should be in town this weekend, so she can try on the dress I bought. If she doesn't like it, we can go shopping together.
Posted by saharnshard[/QUOTE]

This is a good idea. If she's uncomfortable because she's self-conscious then you should go shopping together. If she just doesn't want to wear it because it's not her taste, and you're buying it, then she can suck it up.

twotimemob · February 2012

What would you think if the situation was reversed - she was the bride asking you to wear a dress you didn't feel comfortable in...and told you to just suck it up...? Kinda sounds different, doesn't it?

kateguess22 · February 2012

When I was a bridesmaid for my best friend two years ago, I was worried. Her other best friend is a REALLY skinny girl and I am a little bit overweight. I was worried that the dress style that the other friend would love would look terrible on me. I told them that is how I felt and they totally understood and promised that we would find something we both liked. They were right! The dress that the other girl loved I also loved and it looked really flattering on both of us. I would have been really uncomfortable and hurt if they forced me to wear a dress that I looked terrible in just because it looked good on her. I know that's a slightly different situation, but no matter what you decide to do, it is reasonable to make sure that she is comfortable in the dress that you choose. The dress I wore was a colour that I don't love (shiny green) in a length that I'll never wear again (floor length!) but I was more than happy to buy it and wear it because it fit in with my friends vision for her wedding AND I felt that it flattered my body. If she had chosen something that really didn't work with my body type that would have been a really difficult experience.

saharnshard · February 2012

Thanks for your feedback, ladies. If she truly doesn't feel comfortable in, we'll find something else. I really want everyone to have a good time, and if she feels uncomfortable in what she's wearing, she's not going to have a good day. We'll see what happens this weekend.

I shouldn't have asked my BM's opinion

Re: I shouldn't have asked my BM's opinion

Choose Another Board

Search Boards