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Wedding Anxiety :( *LONG*

kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
100 Comments
in African American Weddings
Hey everyone...

Wow I missed ya'll I missed the baby coming...lol. Like what the world.

I was gone but I'm back can't wait to catch up on all I missed...seems like its gonna be good reading today!

Sigh, so I had a rough few days. I don't know about ya'll, but I really do speak my mind. And I had my first "wedding anxiety attack" this weekend. Not in the sense I'm overwhelmed with what has to be done...in the sense...sometimes I don't want ot be married. I know that sounds a lot worse than it is...it has nothing to do with me loving or not loving my FI or questioning if he's "the one". Its just...I've been proposed to four times since I was divorced. I only said yes one other time...I alwas make up excuses why I'm "not ready" or I run away from the relationship. I'm SOOOO used to being independent...go when I feel it...come when I want. And I just felt so cramped and trapped this weekend, everyone emaling me...asking me this and that I was like UGH!!!! Go away I don't want to deal with anything wedding related at all.

So I talked to my Mom, she said I really need to see a therapist (and of course, seek God more and more, which I am doing). And I know I do I think I have some other things going on with my physical health also that makes me get these depression spells. Its def. not normal because I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, I have no doubt about that. I just...I dunno. I finally asked my MOH this weekend if she will stand up with me...because she knows me the best and promised me...she's gonna get me to the alter and we'd get through it together. I just sometimes feel....true anxiety.

Sorry that was long...I needed to share :)
My niece, Kennedy Alivia, Cancer SURVIVER!!!! God works miracles - Daily! image
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Re: Wedding Anxiety :( *LONG*

  • krimson19krimson19
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    no problem.  that's why we're here.

     i agree with with your mom.  if you feel there are issues you need to work through, seeing a therapist is a good idea.  i've done therapy myself, individually and with my husband (before he became my husband).  it really helped  to work out some stuff.  i was married before too and i brought a LOT of baggage into this relationship.  going to therapy really helped me.  i've gone through a bout of depression myself.

    honestly i think we as black people think it's something to be ashamed of.  but if you have a cold, you go to the doctor.  this is the same thing.  good luck!!
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  • hisSparkletthisSparklett
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so glad you shared this! I sometimes feel the exact same way. What helped me, was I talked to FI and he was able to calm me down and get me back to my happy place lol. Planning a wedding is very stressful and then when you add on all the demands of "real life" it can get to be overwhelming sometimes. I am glad that you have a friend who is sticking by you in this situation.
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  • kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @Krimson....thank you! I totally agree. I think for me, it's the realization that ever since I was little I've had this fear. My first marriage was at the courthouse. I've never been a girl who dreamed of weddings or played with wedding dolls or any of that. So it's definately not the "baggage" because I've been this way as long as I can remember. I just get sooo much anxiety...which spirals into depression.

    I'm not afraid to speak of anything I've been through. That is my ministry God told me I have....to tell others my story. And I take it seriously because I never know who is watching, reading and relating! lol
    Thanks for the encouraging words (((huggs)))
    My niece, Kennedy Alivia, Cancer SURVIVER!!!! God works miracles - Daily! image
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  • kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @hisStarlett,

    aww thanks and hugs to you too. it is a lot right now. i just feel trapped a little bit but its funny because i've been married before. we went to the courthouse so i never had time to really let it "sink" in before we did it. and we were together for almost 10 years....so once its DONE...its done and i'm GOOD. but its all this planning..making me second guess MYSELF. and my bridesmaids are all wonderful...i selected each one because each one is special and has a special role they serve in my life.

    i talked to FI also...all he did was listen...which is all I really needed him to do. i felt so much better and he was so happy i didn't hold that back from him.

    s/n: also @krimson...we are also getting pre-marital counseling individually and together with our Pastor :)
    My niece, Kennedy Alivia, Cancer SURVIVER!!!! God works miracles - Daily! image
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  • 7venAfricano7venAfricano member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) and more (((HUGS))). Trust God, seek him first, and get that counseling girl. I haven't dealt with the anxiety of not getting married but I have dealt with the depression- so not the place anyone NEEDS to be. We all need someone to listen, but sometimes we need someone who can not only listen but also address and help us to resolve our issues. Good luck ma, we're all here for you.
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  • PB-Bride2010PB-Bride2010
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Sending your abundance of encouragement and hugs.  It is good you're talking about this now and trying to address the issue head on.  Listen to your heart and try not let the stressful wedding planning get to you, because it can.  Hang in there!!!! BTW: Your little neice is so cute and I am happy to hear she is cancer survivor. 

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  • kenyasobeautifulkenyasobeautiful member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @7ven....thanks a bunches!! :)
    @PB...thanks as well. Yes I'm def. going to do my part to get over the anxiety. And thanks for the comment on my niece. My little world right there :))
    My niece, Kennedy Alivia, Cancer SURVIVER!!!! God works miracles - Daily! image
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  • YasJas2011YasJas2011
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I totally know how you feel. I have always been independent. I have been engaged before and have live with two other guys before my FI. But I never felt like this with the other situations. I was the "bread winner". I probably didn't value there opinion or cared alot about them. With FH it is different! He is doing is own thing, got his own car, own career,has the same degree as mines, is very traditional (believes that a man suppose to do certain things in the relationship) and more. I think that I sometimes secretly hate that he is "on my level". I know, it is sad. I am just praying that God continues to help me work through this.
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