Etiquette of Asking

carissalf · August 2011

Hey Ladies-

I was going to ask this on the etiquette board, but I value all of your advice the most.

I am down to one year before my wedding and my fiance and I would like to ask people to be in our wedding party. What is the proper way to go about doing this? Do I create cards that ask? Do I call, email? Some live close, some not so much. We've already asked our Best Man and MOH....now we just need to fill out the rest of the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen.

Thank you in advance!

kevinandmonica2011 · August 2011

There is no proper way to ask... do what works best for you. For me, 1/2 of my BMs (including ym MOH) were out of state. I just called and asked. The other 1/2 were local... I asked in person when I saw them. Part of me wishes I had done something cute-sy like a card or what not... but oh well.

If you are still 1 year out... I would really suggest waiting a few more months... at least 2 or 3... before asking. Maybe you could do something cute around Christmas time? Send a box with something like a picture frame or what not inside... and add a note that says "Your friendship has been such a wonderful gift to me. Would you do me the honor of standing by my side on my wedding day?" or something like that...

From someone who had ridiculous issues with their BMs, please please wait as long as possible. Your BFFs now, might be the people you are ready to choke in 6 months.

carissalf · August 2011

Oh yes, I do remember you having some problems with your BMs. I was more of a lurker then. Thank you for the advice. I will definitely wait a little longer. I just wanted to make sure they had plenty of time to plan and what not. But I've got pretty much everything under control anyway.

I like the cutesy Christmas time idea. Thanks!

JN382 · August 2011

I'm about 10 months out now, and have only asked my sister's whom I am super close with and it was kind of a given :-) I wrote them each a personal note that said "I couldn't imagine getting married without you by my side. Please stand with me 7/712".. nothing fancy, but personal. We actually picked out the BM dresses this weekend!! (One of my sister's is pregnant and it was the last time they'd be in town together before she's due)

I will be asking the others around the holidays. We've been BFF's for 25 years, but I still am proceeding with caution until the time gets closer.

sbolger17 · August 2011

I asked mine at about 10-11 months out. I only have 4 girls, 2 of which are family members and was secure in the other 2 relationships as well. No one is a drama queen.

Anyways, all of my girls were out of town, but I visited 2 around that time so I asked them in person. The other 2 I asked over the phone. I didn't do or say anything particularly special, but it was really neat because they were all excited and it was very touching.

ChelseaB425 · August 2011

I asked my girls soon after I got engaged, which was almost 2 years before the wedding date. There are only four and I'm absolutely sure I will still be as close to them next September.

I asked them all face-to-face, but wish I had done something fun and cutesy.

Happily9 · August 2011

I would wait at least a few months. Three months into planning (10 months total to plan) I had to change out a BM. So to avoid having to go through this ( and trust me it's a huge time consuming process) wait as long as you can before you ask them...no matter how "close" you feel you are to this person.

blakgarnet · August 2011

I'm getting married in Sept 2012 - I've asked 2 of my best friends from college (one to be my MOH, the other a BM). in the last few weeks. I was in both of their weddings this summer, so I feel like we've been through this once. I'm skill unsure about the other 2, so am waiting to see how some things play out.

Etiquette of Asking

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