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How to politely handle rude people

Alisha9544Alisha9544
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, first off my Fiance is a DJ.  Needless to say we know a lot of people.  Of course of those people we do not personally &/or closely know all of them.  However, everybody in the world thinks they should be invited to our wedding!  People are just bluntly asking when they're getting their invitation, are they invited, ect.  I am beyond annoyed with these flat out rude questions & so is my Fiance.  How do we politely tell people no.  Its not a super small wedding, but we are paying for this by ourselves & we cannot afford to have a huge blow out.  We are having an after party at a local bar that is having a special thing set up that night just for us. 
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Re: How to politely handle rude people

  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    Wow.  I can't imagine and I'm sorry people are doing that.  On the plus side, hey, it's cool all these people are interested, right?

    But beyond the cool part, you've got to deal with the rude questions.  Something like, "I'm sorry, we just couldn't invite all the people we wanted to" is probably the best you can do.  Some will get offended.  Some will get it.  But there isn't much you can do, really.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • Katelyn89Katelyn89
    100 Comments
    We had a long engagement so for a long time I used the "we haven't decided on our guest list yet" then when it came time to send out an invitations we just didn't send them an invitation (obviously) and honestly so far we haven't had anyone say "why didn't I get invited?" or "where is my invitation?".
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:197db97c-7271-45e6-a731-742330f906cc">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]We had a long engagement so for a long time I used the "we haven't decided on our guest list yet" then when it came time to send out an invitations we just didn't send them an invitation (obviously) and honestly so far we haven't had anyone say "why didn't I get invited?" or "where is my invitation?".
    Posted by Katelyn89[/QUOTE]

    Better answer :)

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • Alisha9544Alisha9544
    500 Comments
    Our engagement is kinda short.  He proposed March 24th.  He gets the worst of it because as of right now he DJ's 5out of7 days a week. So he's seeing people all the time that are asking him about it.  Yes its nice that so many people are interested.  But I myself could never flat out ask someone if I'm invited to their wedding.  My Fiance DJ's weddings all the time for people we know & I don't get invited all the time, most but not all.  I could never say well am I invited, where's my invitation, ect. My invites are in & I'll be sending them soon.  The wedding is October 6th.  Hopefully we won't have too many more of these lol
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:8f9204ab-b9fd-45c2-8d82-085b8fe337f0">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our engagement is kinda short.  He proposed March 24th.  He gets the worst of it because as of right now he DJ's 5out of7 days a week. So he's seeing people all the time that are asking him about it.  Yes its nice that so many people are interested.  But I myself could never flat out ask someone if I'm invited to their wedding.  My Fiance DJ's weddings all the time for people we know & I don't get invited all the time, most but not all.  I could never say well am I invited, where's my invitation, ect. My invites are in & I'll be sending them soon.  The wedding is October 6th.  Hopefully we won't have too many more of these lol
    Posted by Alisha9544[/QUOTE]

    Oh, it's absolutely rude and I wouldn't do it.  Just trying to find a positive.  It sucks because it puts you on the spot to tell them they're not invited.  No one should ever do that.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • TheShadyYvonneTheShadyYvonne member
    100 Comments
    yikes...i had that issue as well - but since we had a failry long engagement - we were able to say that we hadn't compiled a guest list yet.  I did have people ask after we sent invites out, and I just said, after reevaluating our budjet, we were only able to invite family.  it really is rude for people to ask that - its super awkward :|

    i think somone will always be offended, and my fiance and I decided the people that kept asking ( that we werent all that close to  anyway) - if they couldnt understand that we had a limited budget and decided never to speak to us again...oh well.  you can't please everyone  
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  • Alisha9544Alisha9544
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:2ec26f77-d8ed-4059-a6a1-d3b0cda97839">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]yikes...i had that issue as well - but since we had a failry long engagement - we were able to say that we hadn't compiled a guest list yet.  I did have people ask after we sent invites out, and I just said, after reevaluating our budjet, we were only able to invite family.  it really is rude for people to ask that - its super awkward :| i think somone will always be offended, and my fiance and I decided the people that kept asking ( that we werent all that close to  anyway) - if they couldnt understand that we had a limited budget and decided never to speak to us again...oh well.  you can't please everyone  
    Posted by TheShadyYvonne[/QUOTE]
    It is super awkward!!!  My Fiance who is usually outspoken & tell it like it is even doesn't know how to answer it.  Would this be a bad response.... "We are only going to be able to have family & very close friends, but Mike is having an after party for us at Journey's we'd love to see you there."  Would that be rude??
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    If they're not invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the after party either.  A tiered wedding (where guests are only invited to parts of the festivities) is extremely rude.  

    I would stick with a "due to space/budget/the moon being full that night/whatever, unfortunately, we're not able to invite everyone we'd like to have celebrate with us.  Hope we can see you this summer for a cookout" or something.
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  • Belle0720Belle0720 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Yeah our wedding is 13 months away and we've gotten a lot of questions like this...it is extremely awkward and we've just been telling people that we're keeping it small/intimate and we really haven't made many decisions since it's so far out.

    Once your invites are out hopefully people will get the hint and be tactful enough not to bring it up again. If they do, the best you can do is like PP said above, 'unfortunately we just couldn't invite everyone we would have liked to'
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  • specialk84specialk84
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:5667476f-bd69-4673-84d1-aac44cbc04b0">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they're not invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the after party either.  A tiered wedding (where guests are only invited to parts of the festivities) is extremely rude.   I would stick with a <strong>"due to space/budget/the moon being full that night/whatever</strong>, unfortunately, we're not able to invite everyone we'd like to have celebrate with us.  Hope we can see you this summer for a cookout" or something.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

    <div>See, I would recommend NOT using a line like this. It just gives someone something to argue with. </div><div>
    </div><div>When we ran into this, H and I just said, "We are not able to invite everyone," then either changed the subject or walked away.
    </div>
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  • Carla1019Carla1019
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:5667476f-bd69-4673-84d1-aac44cbc04b0">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>If they're not invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the after party either.  A tiered wedding (where guests are only invited to parts of the festivities) is extremely rude.</strong>  I would stick with a "due to space/budget/the moon being full that night/whatever, unfortunately, we're not able to invite everyone we'd like to have celebrate with us.  Hope we can see you this summer for a cookout" or something.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

    Does it classify as a tierd wedding/reception if they are not hosting the after party? Since the after party is at a club open to everyone does that matter?
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
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  • TheShadyYvonneTheShadyYvonne member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:1b1961ef-b8f0-4725-ba2f-c7069c197b30">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to politely handle rude people : It is super awkward!!!  My Fiance who is usually outspoken & tell it like it is even doesn't know how to answer it.  Would this be a bad response.... "We are only going to be able to have family & very close friends, but Mike is having an after party for us at Journey's we'd love to see you there."  Would that be rude??
    Posted by Alisha9544[/QUOTE]

    <div>you shouldn'y invite people to the after party that won't be at hte wedding. it will be awkward for them to hear about all the stuff that went on at the wedding that they werent a part of.</div><div>
    </div><div>i say if they don't understand that you are only having family...then they probably aren't very good friends to begin with?  I just walys avoid talking about my wedding to people who i dind't invite :|</div>
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  • Alisha9544Alisha9544
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:549b9195-2a67-40bc-9b79-da7f0bd75ce9">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to politely handle rude people : Does it classify as a tierd wedding/reception if they are not hosting the after party? Since the after party is at a club open to everyone does that matter?
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
    and yes it is a club that's open to everyone.  I'm sure there'll be people there that aren't there for us.  The owner just wanted to do something nice for us.
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  • Alisha9544Alisha9544
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:5667476f-bd69-4673-84d1-aac44cbc04b0">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they're not invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the after party either.  A tiered wedding (where guests are only invited to parts of the festivities) is extremely rude.   I would stick with a "due to space/budget/the moon being full that night/whatever, unfortunately, we're not able to invite everyone we'd like to have celebrate with us.  Hope we can see you this summer for a cookout" or something.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
    I do like the due to space, cause we were honestly thinking we were going to have to change venues before due to our numbers. 
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  • Carla1019Carla1019
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:5926b4e2-812c-49a5-a59e-6e3b204faf90">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to politely handle rude people : and yes it is a club that's open to everyone.  I'm sure there'll be people there that aren't there for us.  The owner just wanted to do something nice for us.
    Posted by Alisha9544[/QUOTE]

    This is a tough one. I assume the after party is the owner's gift to you.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
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  • tpender13tpender13 member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-politely-handle-rude-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf6da404-115e-425f-bedd-15100dce953cPost:8f9204ab-b9fd-45c2-8d82-085b8fe337f0">Re: How to politely handle rude people</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our engagement is kinda short.  He proposed March 24th.  He gets the worst of it because as of right now he DJ's 5out of7 days a week. So he's seeing people all the time that are asking him about it.  Yes its nice that so many people are interested.  But I myself could never flat out ask someone if I'm invited to their wedding.  My Fiance DJ's weddings all the time for people we know & I don't get invited all the time, most but not all.  I could never say well am I invited, where's my invitation, ect. <strong>My invites are in & I'll be sending them soon.</strong>  The wedding is October 6th.  Hopefully we won't have too many more of these lol
    Posted by Alisha9544[/QUOTE]

    Just a side note that I didn't see anybody else comment on... You really should be waiting until August to send your invitations. You could send an informal STD email or spread the date by word of mouth, but actual invitations shouldn't go out more than 8 weeks in advance.

    Otherwise, I agree with PPs -- pick a line (we're keeping it small; family-only; whatever) and stick with it. If there's an after-party, I would only "invite" people verbally. "Sorry, we're keeping the wedding small. But we're thinking of going to such-and-such place after if you want to meet up with us!"
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  • lily_721lily_721 member
    10 Comments

    I had one person who insisted that she be invited.  She is a friend of the family but I truly haven't seen her in years.  She essentially invited herself.  Rather than deal with the drama, I sent an invitiation.  Then I had to hound her for the RSVP.  I finally sent my sister after her to find out what was going on.  Nope, she wasn't going.  Irritating.

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