BM Issue

shiravduncan · June 2012

Sooooo...My FI just called me to let me know his about some concerns that his sister has. I love my future sister in law and really would love to see her stand up as a bm (as i did in her wedding in October). She feels that she is to big and dont want to embarass me, and that the dresses will be to expensive for her current situation.

I struggle with this. First I am not a person who judges people by their size...I dont know why she would think I would be embarassed by her. I think it may be more she is embarassed, and that makes me feel sad. I always want people to be happy and comfortble in their skin. I also don't want cost to be her deal breaker. She is really important to me.

I'm not really sure what to do or say. I can't help people have a better body image other than telling them you are beautiful (which is true). I also cant fund other folks attire. The dress is not super expensive but it is not a $100 gown neither. Any suggestions on how you would handle this?

thedivav · June 2012

Did she go with u to pick the bm dress? Maybe there is another dress that would help her feel more comfy with herself but the same color as the other bm dresses

shiravduncan · June 2012

She did not go with me (she lives out of state). I am doing the convertable dresses where it is a long dress but it has the additional fabric in which you can create multiple styles. I was very thoughtful in the selection and took my other plus size bm with me to make sure she felt comfortable.

Carla1019 · June 2012

If I were you I would reassure her that your friendship is more important than looks.

On the second topic of affording the dress. If you selected the dress without asking her budget than it would be only fair for you to cover the amount over what she can afford.

rowenac82 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bm-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:271fa1ed-54cd-4ac0-8694-b922a3d442d4Post:2d3c3059-a502-40fa-ba4d-29b82d9ba94c">Re: BM Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]She did not go with me (she lives out of state). I am doing t<strong>he convertable dresses</strong> where it is a long dress but it has the additional fabric in which you can create multiple styles. I was very thoughtful in the selection and took my other plus size bm with me to make sure she felt comfortable.
Posted by shiravduncan[/QUOTE]

<div>So this is just my personal opinion but the fabric of most of these convertible dresses is not very flattering on a plus size person (i am plus sized). And the styles that the dresses convert into most of them are pretty revealing. You could correct me if I am wrong. Are you choosing the different styles? Or are you allowing each bridesmaid to choose a style? </div><div>
</div><div>And I think you are right in that you can't change the way she feels. Of course you could encourage her and tell her there is nothing to be embarrassed about but the way she feels will be the way she feels until she personally feels otherwise. If you did consult with her before choosing the dress, she should have spoken up about not being comfortable. But sometimes that is harder to do when all you want to do is please the bride. Hopefully you both can come with a solution. And if she hasn't met spanx yet...tell her I will introduce her personally <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>

kittybutton · June 2012

I was in my BFF wedding and she had all sizes... we had the convertible dresses. let me see if I can find pix.

kittybutton · June 2012

I was unable to upload the ones with all the girls

footballwife77 · June 2012

Awwwww. I can completely feel where she coming from. I would explain to her in a way pp just did --> If I were you I would reassure her that your friendship is more important than looks. but add that she's beyond beautiful in her own way which makes her so very special to you.

Is there anyway that she can be in something different than the rest of the girls? She's obviously self concious about her body. I would take a day to go shopping with her and find something that she's more comfortable in and can afford.

kittybutton · June 2012

rowenac82 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bm-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:271fa1ed-54cd-4ac0-8694-b922a3d442d4Post:6795260e-8310-44e0-8f79-e396b27ab057">Re: BM Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]
Posted by kittybutton[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Looks great! But even from your pictures I definitely think that the dress is more flattering on some more than others. But I guess that is true with any dress. It is a matter of whether the person feels comfortable wearing it or not.</div>

M1ssJ · June 2012

Well I had one BM like this. She felt so uncomfortable and even said " I will drop out if we can't find a dress that looks good on me" And I told her I'd rather find a dress that looks good on just you than stand up there without you. she went with to try on dresses and was super uncomfortable in one of the ones I liked but then felt really happy when we found another one that actually fit her body....

Talk to her... if the dresses aren't ordered I would explore flowier styles

shiravduncan · June 2012

Thank you all, will let you know how it goes.

shiravduncan · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bm-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:271fa1ed-54cd-4ac0-8694-b922a3d442d4Post:59041f83-63c5-4b12-b5ab-01276af95535">Re: BM Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Issue : So this is just my personal opinion but the fabric of most of these convertible dresses is not very flattering on a plus size person (i am plus sized). And the styles that the dresses convert into most of them are pretty revealing. You could correct me if I am wrong. Are you choosing the different styles? Or are you allowing each bridesmaid to choose a style? And I think you are right in that you can't change the way she feels. Of course you could encourage her and tell her there is nothing to be embarrassed about but the way she feels will be the way she feels until she personally feels otherwise. If you did consult with her before choosing the dress, she should have spoken up about not being comfortable. But sometimes that is harder to do when all you want to do is please the bride. Hopefully you both can come with a solution. And if she hasn't met spanx yet...tell her I will introduce her personally
Posted by rowenac82[/QUOTE]

Spanx is a miracle worker!!! All girls can choose their own style. That's what I really like about the dress. You can also put a matching tube top under it for more covering. We chatted and when she comes into town, we will play with it until we find a great style. Thanks for all of your advice everyone.

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