Is it a wedding or a kid's bday party?

afortunada818 · April 2011

Ok so I did a rough draft of my guest list and I was suprised to see i that 30of 120 guests are under 5! ouuch! idk what to do or how to handle this situation. I have 2 young daughter's and i was even discussing with my husband to hire a babysitter so they can leave the party as soon as they get tired, because they can get very fuzzy.And not to mention paying for their food, when they dont even eat as much as an adult. In our close familly there's only a couple of 7yr olds and everyone else are our close friends kids. I told one friend that im seriously thinking of asking the families to not bring children, and she got offended. I understand that, but me being a mother, i wouldnt even have to be told not to, i know is not ok for children to be at a wedding. I mean it is not a kids party, why would i ruin it for the couple. Also, from previous experiences, i know no one will RSVP, so idk what to do

I just think that those 30 plates can go for other ppl that have been left out of the guest list. Anyone with the same problem?

mkrupar · April 2011

You have every right to not have children at the wedding. I would just make sure that if you invite one niece or nephew you invite ALL nieces or nephews. Same with friends' kids.

If people decide to come because you have invited them without their children, that is their decision.

Make sure when you make invites you put no mention of "adults only", or "No kids".

Just address the invitation to those adults that are invited.

myschelt · April 2011

We are in a similar boat. We were looking at a venue that really wasn't very kid friendly so we were going to have a no kids wedding, but we are now looking at a park venue that has an awesome playground and had considered inviting kids since it is an outdoor space, but our guest list jumped from 115 to 145! We were discussing inviting only immediate family and bridal party's kids which would keep the count down to 10, but I'm not sure if this would offend the rest of our guests? We are trying to decide what to do!

jess9802 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-kids-bday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca5f83d-f2ab-4ad2-a67a-85f5f76a80d6Post:67095c88-b596-4bae-b140-797e1cfb82df">Is it a wedding or a kid's bday party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so I did a rough draft of my guest list and I was suprised to see i that 30of 120 guests are under 5! ouuch! idk what to do or how to handle this situation. I have 2 young daughter's and i was even discussing with my husband to hire a babysitter so they can leave the party as soon as they get tired, because they can get very fuzzy.And not to mention paying for their food, when they dont even eat as much as an adult. In our close familly there's only a couple of 7yr olds and everyone else are our close friends kids. I told one friend that im seriously thinking of asking the families to not bring children, and she got offended. I understand that, but me being a mother, i wouldnt even have to be told not to, <strong>i know is not ok for children to be at a wedding.</strong> <strong>I mean it is not a kids party, why would i ruin it for the couple.</strong> Also, from previous experiences, i know no one will RSVP, so idk what to do :( I just think that those 30 plates can go for other ppl that have been left out of the guest list. Anyone with the same problem?
Posted by afortunada818[/QUOTE]

I enjoy children at weddings, will be inviting them to mine, and I've enjoyed seeing kids at every wedding I've attended. I've never seen a wedding "ruined" by the presence of children.

That being said, it's certainly your right to not invite children to your wedding. Your guests might not like it, but they should respect your decision.

LisaChris2011 · April 2011

I am sure some people will still RSVP to your wedding, just not all. Just stand your ground. Its ok not to have children at your wedding.

Kristin789 · April 2011

>>And not to mention paying for their food, when they dont even eat as much as an adult

If your venue hosts big events such as weddings all the time, they will offer children's meals at 50% or even 30% of the adult dinner price, because the children's meals are smaller (like chicken fingers and fries) and do not include the liquor/bar.

princesshayley · April 2011

We are probably going to go no kids. I know they don't ever really ruin a wedding, even crying babies in the middle of the ceremony. And they are so cute all dressed up!!
No kids allows the parents to enjoy themselves without having to look after their children for the evening. You've also got to weigh up the extra cost, even discounted, 2 children equals one or more adults that you wanted to come but can't because of numbers and the parents that do come aren't really going to be able to let their hair down. For the money I spend on my wedding I'd like all my guests to be able to enjoy themselves. Just my 2 cents worth

hellerc1 · April 2011

It's a personal choice. I always wanted a kid free wedding until I got engaged. I have nieces and nephews now and I can' t wait to see them all dressed up and having fun together. But if you go no kids stick to it, don't get talked into letting someone bring them, because they need too.

mkrupar · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-kids-bday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca5f83d-f2ab-4ad2-a67a-85f5f76a80d6Post:7247541f-45ca-4d6c-a05f-e84fcaccaca8">Re: Is it a wedding or a kid's bday party?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are probably going to go no kids. I know they don't ever really ruin a wedding, even crying babies in the middle of the ceremony. And they are so cute all dressed up!! No kids allows the parents to enjoy themselves without having to look after their children for the evening. You've also got to weigh up the extra cost, even discounted, 2 children equals one or more adults that you wanted to come but can't because of numbers and the parents that do come aren't really going to be able to let their hair down. For the money I spend on my wedding I'd like all my guests to be able to enjoy themselves. Just my 2 cents worth
Posted by princesshayley[/QUOTE]

Who are you to decide if a parent would have more fun with or without their child? You do have every right to not invite children, I just hate when people use that as an excuse. "Oh the parents will have so much more fun without the little ones." Maybe, maybe not. If you don't want kids because you just don't want kids, just admit that. Don't offer up petty excuses.

jessicabessica · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-kids-bday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca5f83d-f2ab-4ad2-a67a-85f5f76a80d6Post:2694e37b-e5b9-4d18-a6f3-16edf0e08f34">Re: Is it a wedding or a kid's bday party?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are in a similar boat. We were looking at a venue that really wasn't very kid friendly so we were going to have a no kids wedding, but we are now looking at a park venue that has an awesome playground and had considered inviting kids since it is an outdoor space, but our guest list jumped from 115 to 145! We were discussing inviting only immediate family and bridal party's kids which would keep the count down to 10, but I'm not sure if this would offend the rest of our guests? We are trying to decide what to do!
Posted by myschelt[/QUOTE]

<div>While usually it's fine to draw lines at immdedaite family and bridal party for inviting kids, it might be a little weird for guests to get there and see how kid-friendly it is and not have had their kids invited. I doubt anyone would be offended, but if it were me (with my hypothetical, uninvited kids), I might think it was a little strange, but I'd get over it real fast. </div>

brookelynpaisley · April 2011

I'm with you. I hate when kids get fuzzy.

Most venues charge less for kids - our lunch entrees were $32/person, and the chicken fingers and fries the kids got were $12. Venues realize kids won't eat as much, and some kids won't even eat wedding food, since they're picky. Don't just assume - talk to the venue.

It's within your right to have an adult only wedding, but you need to do it politely. Invite only the adults by putting only their names on the invitation. If the parents RSVP for the kids, call them and tell them politely and calmly that the invitation is only for them, and you hope they'll still be able to attend. Some will, some won't, and that's the choice you make excluding some parts of a family. And stop talking to people about it. Everyone has an opinion on the subject, and discussing it with everyone will only lead to trouble.

mica178 · April 2011

We had an adults only wedding. That's what H and I wanted, so that's what we had.

I don't think kids will ruin a wedding, and as PPs mentioned, usually venues will discount their prices for kids as kids eat less, often eat a separate meal altogether, and kids shouldn't be drinking the alcohol.

I also think it'd be fine to only invite kids of immediate family and the WP if you like. Some of your guests might complain, but again, it's within your right to do it. Just be specific in your addresses and be prepared to field questions about why your friend's kid wasn't invited but your sister's kid was.

bmoruzzi · April 2011

We're having an adults only reception. Actually it's 21+. We did not want kids, so we didn't invite them. Most of our friends have kids and have said to us that they are glad to have a night away. I wouldn't let it get to you.

afortunada818 · April 2011

thank you all for your opinions... It is actually something that's not letting me even sleep... btw. not all kids ruin weddings, but in personall experience, ( a wedding of a family memeber) she had all this kids (that weren't even family members) and were running all over the dance floor while the father & daughter dance, and her first dance with her hubby... the video turned out horrible, even though the video crew shot at diffenrent angles you could see the kids being kids... I know they are not to be sitting down for a long time, and their parents wanted to enjoy the toast, or dance or whatever, so they didnt care to look after them. That being said, it did ruin a special moment for the bride. I dont want that to happen in my wedding. I just hate when parents do this, they take their kids, and then let them run wild... my venue is small, and it has a patio and a pool, i dont want to be stressing out over that.... needless to say, it is a country club, so if anything goes bad, i will be charge for that. But I wish i didnt have to walk on eggshells even with close friends...as to what to tell them... Believe me I have 2 daughters, 5 & 3.. they will be in the bridal party and Im already worrying about their naps, or what am i gonna do to keep them entertained, it will be boring and exhausting for them... why is it so impossible to please everyone

kmabjo · April 2011

We are having an adult only reception.
My sister is 9 and she will be there and she is inviting a friend since no one else will be of her age.
After removing the kids from our wedding we were able to get a honeymoon and save money for the same price as feeding them, seating them and getting them drinks.

Is it a wedding or a kid's bday party?

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