NWR - The Fat Bride and the DW

dawnbperry · April 2010

The other day I was sitting with a couple co-workers when the subject of weddings came up. One girl mentioned that she was getting married on a beach in Mexico... the other girls all squealed and went on and on about what a beautiful bride she would be.

I of course asked questions and eventually mentioned my own plans... and the response was much more subdued. No one said what a beautiful bride I would be. The best remark was "That will be so much fun!".

Not wanting to take this personally since I'm just there part-time in a large teaching institution where lots of people come and go, I figured that they just didn't know me as well hence the lack of enthusiasm. Until I went to go take a dog for a walk and when I came back as I rounded the corner I heard the words "I'd hate to be a fat bride" and when I entered the room there was an uncomfortable silence. I smiled and acted like I didn't hear it.

Now, I'm overweight. I was overweight as a young adult but was able to lose over 100 pounds in a year about 10 years ago. I've been overweight for the past 5 years after severe chronic migraines laid me up for a while and I gained back all kinds of weight. I haven't been able to take the weight off more than 20 pounds over the last two years. I need to lose about 50 more pounds before I'll be at a weight I can be happy with. I know people judge me because of my weight.

My FI was concerned about us having a DW because he was afriad I'd be so self-concious I wouldn't want to go out snorekling or hanging out on the beach. I am a pretty confident person, so I thought I'd be able to handle it, and I vowed to lost as much weight as possible before the wedding.

So far I've only lost 6 pounds over 4 months. I'm in school in an intensive program so I don't have the time to eat as well as I should or excersize, but I am on my feet most of the day and stay pretty active. I'm going to start working out again at least twice a week. I want to look beautiful for my FI on that beach, d**n it. But more importantly, I want to be at a healthy weight so I can enjoy life better.

I just wish people weren't so cruel. At that moment I heard that comment I wanted to cancel all our plans because I didn't want to be "the fat bride".

Sorry for this long post with no point...

If any of you are also struggling to get in shape please talk to me! I can use any tips or advice in helping me sheds the weight faster. I have bad knees (torn meniscus) so I can't do squats or high-impact activities which makes it harder, so if you have any tips please share.

Here's a pic of me playing with my wedding jewelry and a practice veil I made:

Kahtie41 · April 2010

Dawn, there are just so many things I can say, but first you need to know that you should not under any circumstances cancel your plans. While reading this post I went from p*ssed off to teary-eyed. I'd much rather be a "fat", happy bride than a skinny, pretentious, single girl. I know they didn't mean for you to hear it, but that's just a terrible mindset to have, and it's something SO many women are brainwashed to be overly concerned with.

I've had my own battles with weight ever since puberty. I finally got to my best weight in high school and then gained a ton in college. Over the four years after college I finally started to lose it, but I've also yo-yoed a bit. I still wasn't at my ideal weight by the time my wedding came around, but it didn't matter that day at all.

You are right that the focus should be on your health, and not just your looks. For me, I noticed that most of my big weight changes come when I pay attention to what I eat. Working out alone never cuts it for me. Also, Weight Watchers helped me lose about 20 pounds over a few months, at a healthy rate. If you don't have time to make it to meetings, maybe sign up for their online program. They give you a ton of knowledge and tools to help you out.

Another important thing to do when you are as busy as you are is to make your healthy food convenient. Try to carry around healthy snacks with you like baby carrots, apples, 100 calorie packs, nuts, mini rice cakes, etc.

For exercise, any step is a good one, but I would really recommend to try for more than twice a week, even if it's just a half hour walk around your neighborhood. A lot of girls (myself included) see success with workout videos like Jillian Michael's 30 Minute Shred. It's lower impact, requires no special equipement, and only takes up a little bit of your day. Since you have injuries, try doing water aerobics and swimming. Anything to keep you going without causing injury is better than nothing.

I'm sorry this is getting so long, I just hate to see women feel bad about themselves because of weight. Yes, we should all be healthy and could stand to lose a few pounds, but those pounds don't make us ugly or any less deserving of our dream weddings.

Good luck and don't let the haters keep you down!

captainleela · April 2010

Oh Dawn I'm so sorry. I too have struggled with my weight all my life. I currently have about 40 more pounds to lose. Even though I'm not at my "ideal" weight, I've gotten to a point where I'm okay with how my body looks. My FI thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, I feel good about myself most of the time, and that's all that really matters. Yes, I will be a chunkier bride, but I will still look gorgeous in my dress. This is me, and that's okay. I've seen lots of heavier girls get married over the past couple of years, and you know what? When I look at them I don't see a fat girl...I see a beautiful glowing bride. And I'm positive that's what everyone else sees too. So in the end it doesn't matter if you're carrying a bit of extra fluff. You're going to be beautiful no matter what and your FI will think you're the most stunning creature on the planet. And no one else matters.

FutureMrs.McC · April 2010

What a bunch of cvnts. Ef them!

carrieoz_76 · April 2010

dawn - Fat bride having a DW right here!

FI and I are working really hard to eat healthier and exercise regularly because we weighed less when we went to HI a couple years ago and felt great at that weight. It's for sure a consideration. Mostly because we don't want to be all hot and red and uncomfortable (although it's Hawaii - we'll be hot no matter what weight we are). And the 6 hr plane ride is bad enough without having the armrest poking into my leg; I don't need the extra aggravation the additional weight causes. Just sayin.

I've often thought of doing a blog (The Fat Bride?) because there are SO few images of us out there getting married. It's like in blogland brides are only size 10 and under. Or we only get married in black (looking at you, Offbeat Bride). Ugh. You know, we fat girls have pretty weddings with mason jars and all, too.

Anyways, here's what I keep coming back to - no matter what weight I am, I'm going to be a Gorgeous Bride and a Happy Bride. Anyone who thinks otherwise can suck it.

ETA: We're doing WW online, counting points, the whole shebang. It's what worked for us last time. I find that I have to choose to make the time for exercise and to plan what I'm going to eat, otherwise it doesn't work. As for exercise - what about a recumbent bike or water aerobics at a local YMCA (if you have one)? Those are both really low impact.

maggyruth · April 2010

Chubby bride, right here. Going to Hawaii. They can kiss my behind.

I'm sorry you've had to hear that. I have been blessed in that I haven't. Granted, I'm about 85ish lbs smaller than my largest, but I still have a good 40 lbs to lose. I'm not going to lose them before the wedding, and it's not going to kill me. I look awesome in my wedding dress, FI thinks I'm super sexy, and that's really all that matters.

Fat is a thing. It is not who you are. Who you are is a woman who is loved by a man who wants to marry you. And THAT is beautiful.

nubiannqween · April 2010

Dawn, I'm so sorry that happened to you! I can't believe the nerve of some people! You handled that well. Those women are just hateful. First and foremost, you are beautiful! Don't you let anyone steal your joy. You will have an amazing DW and you are going to be an beautiful, elegent and sexy bride!

I've struggled with my weight since my 1st year of college. About 6 years ago, I was at my heaviest. One day I had a realization and everything clicked, I guess I had been in denial about how large I had gotten. That denial ended when I went to the store because I needed a new pair of jeans, I had to purchase a size 20...that day I vowed I would never purchase another size 20 anything...so since that day I have lost most of the weight . I'm now 60 pounds lighter and in a size 14, but I still have a good 20-25 more pounds to lose before I'll be completely comfortable.

I understand your struggle with eating right and finding time to exercise. I am trying to get about 10-15 pounds off before my dress fitting at the end of June...I don't know if I'll make it but I'm trying hard.

I liked Katie's suggestion of carrying healthy snacks with you. That is something I try to do myself. It helps me from eating things I know I shouldn't. I do have slips up sometimes, we all do, but we should never give up. I also try to do some fast walking at my lunch hour. Either at the mall or up and down the street where my job is when the weathers nice. The goal is to be healthy and happy with ourselves.

Again, I'm sorry that happened to you. You should never have to hear something like that. Keep your head up Dawn, you are amazing and you are doing great with your weight loss. Just remember you need to love you, who cares what anyone else thinks! Also your FI loves you just the way you are!

slevesquemut · April 2010

Honestly, where do some people get off?
Seriously, a lot of people struggle with their weight, myself included. My family on both sides is obese, so I've been working like crazy to try to get my weight under control before my thirties hit, or I have kids. I have accepted that I will never be as thin as I would like to be, but I have learned to love my body the way it is. I'm healthy, and I think that is what's really important.
I try to eat right, and exercise, and usually I'm pretty consistent. But I'm not perfect, I slip up, and sometimes that greasy chinese food is a little too tempting. It doesn't help either that my FI is one of those people who can eat whatever he wants and stay a twig. I think some people just don't understand that it is difficult.
So I say screw those folks, you're gorgeous, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
DW ladies with weight to lose, SHOW YOUR BELLIES!!!

gabi829 · April 2010

Those women are so cruel! All women struggle with body insecurities; who are they to talk smack behind your back??

I'm sure you will look beautiful on your wedding day!

Remember that your future husband thinks you are beautiful just the way you are, and that's all that matters! I've lost weight since I've been with my fi and still would like to lose a few more pounds, but I never feel bad about my weight because I know he loved me when I weighed about 20 pounds more.

hibiscus118 · April 2010

People can be so cruel sometimes! I struggle with my weight to so that puts me in the chubby category also. The past 6 years I've lost, gained it all back plus some. Last year I decided I wanted to lost about 50 pounds so I could feel good in my wedding dress. I only lost about 30, and then the holidays came and I gained 5 or so back.

Its HARD. I'm back on track for the most past now. I've lost that 5 pounds again and am hoping to lose another 5 or so before my first fitting at the end of May.

I also don't have very good knees. I used to play soccer years ago and twisted/dislocated them a few times each and now they can hurt really bad sometimes. When I go to the gym I try to get on the elliptical for an hour. The past week my knee has been acting up so some days I only stay on 30-45 minutes. Then I go work out my abs or arms. Then I'll go get on a recumbent bike for a little while. That doesn't hurt my knees as bad.

No matter what, you will look beautiful in your dress at your DW!

dew3162 · April 2010

I am a "fat bride" if you will and I couldn't be happier. When people mention how I've gained weight I say yep, it's my happy weght. I say that because I have put on 40 pounds since I started dating my FI. I honestly would not worry about what anyone else thinks or says. If you are happy and your FI loves you the way you are, that's all that matters .

Kashy · April 2010

I just want to say I'm sorry they made you feel that way. People should just shut their mouths!!

I'm on the otherside of the fence and I just want to say that I struggle with my body image almost daily......I dont think it really matters what size you are.
I have been struggling with my body image for the last 2 years. I competed in a fitness show and I dropped 20lbs in 4 months due to going to the gym twice a day and a VERY strict diet. and you know what I was still not happy with my body. I was still thinking I was not lean enough and I should have done more. 2 weeks after the show I gained it ALL back. in 2 weeks!!! lets just say I had a hard time looking at myself.
But now FI and I have a trainer and I'm seeing the results I want and I am slowly starting to accept myself.

I may not be overweight but I have a little understanding how you feel. its not always roses on the other side either. you have to be confident in who you are and be happy with who you are as a person or it will not matter how much you weigh.....

JenJune3 · April 2010

I haven't read the other responses because after reading your post I just wanted to tell you to be strong and eff them! Seriously! Some people are just so insenstivie and BTW... way to go on losing 6 pounds! That is not an easy task! I think you will be a beautiful bride on that beach and I bet your FI is speechless when he sees you!

MrsLukePayne · April 2010

Stay strong Dawn! No one should dictate how you feel. I know that's easier said than done but you can do it!

To your other questions, I know plenty of loved ones that have had great successes with WW. The online can be your support group just like the DW board is all of our support.

Kahtie41 said that she suggests carrying around snack foods and I couldn't agree more! I always have a bag of mini-carrots, or grabbing a banana or apple. If you're on the run, you don't always have the time to make yourself healthy meals but if you snack healthy, it not only keeps your metabolism up but it keeps your hunger craving lower. I also don't drink soda or coffee.

I get my energy from opting the stairs instead of the elevator and walking around on my breaks. And it sounds like you're doing just that. Keep up the good work! You're 6 lbs down and YOU CAN DO IT!

MrsLukePayne · April 2010

PS - I love your wedding hair in that pic! I think you are one beautiful woman!

*tinkertoy* · April 2010

First of all {{{giant hugs}}} I too am a plus sized bride. Here's the thing, your FI loves you, he loves you just how you are right now! If YOU love you then what those b!tches said shouldn't matter, although I too would be hurt!

I've been trying to lose weight just because I'm not happy in my skin. I can highly recommend weight watchers. I also love water aerobics. You can get a good cardio/tonight workout without the impact, look into it.

Keep your chin up, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE!

P.S. I like how you have your hair with the veil underneath, that is what I'm thinking about doing!

DiamondDani · April 2010

I'm so sorry they said that. I've seen heavier brides and you know what? On their wedding day they still look so beautiful and happy and have a "glow." And I think you should have your DW and ROCK your swimsuit! I have almost 0% body confidence and I am so jealous of women who are proud of their bodies, no matter what size they are! I wish I could feel that way about my body!

I've lost 50 pounds since I met FI 4 years ago and went from a size 16 to a size 8. I'm healthy and no longer overweight. But it was HARD work. I still struggle EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. with it. Women in general are too hard on themselves. (I'm one of them.) Which is why I can't believe they would talk about you like that. When it comes to weight struggles, I thought us women were all in the same boat and should support each other!

I know it stings, but forget them. Work on getting healthy for YOU. But on your wedding day, you WILL be beautiful no matter what!

kak102480 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_nwr-fat-bride-dw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:b37a6a86-a01b-4039-861f-44f1fe7b299ePost:864f89f0-6ab6-4528-b9c5-2bb031aed330">Re: NWR - The Fat Bride and the DW</a>:
[QUOTE]What a bunch of cvnts. Ef them!
Posted by FutureMrs.McC[/QUOTE]

Yeah!
Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. My little sister is size 12-14 ish, and is all muscle, runs every other day, and goes the beach in her bikini with confidence. What it comes down to is she is healthy and happy. She is always my inspiration when it comes to trying to lose weight. You look beautiful in your picture, and just remember you will be on a beautiful beach surrounded only by people who love you marrying a man who loves you and thinks your are beautiful. My only advice is similar to other's, which is healthy snacks, but also everything in moderation. I have found (with me) if you say no ice cream, the only thing you think about is ice cream, but if you say I'm going to switch from ice cream to frozen yogurt with fresh fruit it helps. I've also been subscribing to Hungary Girl lately, very weight watchers friendly. One last tidbit, my FMIL does ww and has been very successfull.

I hope you have the most romantic and beautiful trip, and I am sure you will be a stunning bride.
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

bethagregory · April 2010

OMG - I'm so glad I work with a bunch of men. Women in groups can be catty, vicious, and just plain ignorant. Don't even think twice about anything they say or imply. They mean nothing in the grand scheme of your life, and most of them will probably never experience true love or joy as you do.

I'm relieved in a way that our fancy ceremony is being pushed back seven more months, as I want to get back to a healthy weight and have no regrets when I look at the pictures, but that is for ME and I don't feel bad about being a chunk at our actual wedding next month. Everything that matters in this whole world is going to be standing across from me and comitting to a life with my fabulous self - for thinner or for fatter.

bean0408 · April 2010

Dawn, first off your post really struck me and am so sorry you had to deal with this. I completely agree with all the pps. Don't let anyone else's negativity diminish your glow one bit! I have found the ones that are the most catty are the most miserable so the best revenge is just being yourself and being happy. Hugs to you!

chosen175 · April 2010

I'm a size 26/28..... on a good day. I know how it feels. I know how the comments can sting and I know what it feels like to bite your tongue so hard you think you're going to bite the darn thing right off. I was born weighing 9lbs 3oz and have been fat ever since day 1. Yes, my weight has gone up and down, and I've made excuses, but all that matters is that you found someone who LOVES YOU. He LOVES YOU. He'd love you if you were a size 2 or a size 22. And if those catty wenches want to pity you, let em. I'm sure their lives aren't perfect by any means and it's just their way of making everyone else as miserable as they are.

I've had really good success with the Richard Simmons Food Mover. And yes, I do Sweatin to the Oldies. Most of those exercises are gentle on your body (I have lots of back issues and a heart condition on top of it, so there's not much I'm "allowed" to do.) I've also started forcing myself to drink an entire bottle of water before any meal or snack. The water fills me up and I end up eating less. When you're ready, do it for YOU, not because some bee-itch feels like it's her job to decide who is "allowed" to have a beautiful wedding.

Go, get married, rock that bathing suit, and have the BEST time of your life. You'll be livin it up on the beach with a HUGE smile on your face and those d-bags will be stuck at work. *flips the catty wenches the bird*

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