My fiance and I can't decide whether to have a rehearsal dinner. Neither of our families observe this tradition, both of his parents and my dad are from another country, and we don't understand the purpose of the dinner. Our families just see this as another expense, another event to plan, and don't understand it. We both come from families who toast, roast, and celebrate people at the actual wedding reception.
My bridesmaids and our friend/officiant are pushing for us to have a dinner because they say it's custom and expected for thanking/celebrating the bridal party. They also say it's for inviting out-of-towners to hang out. My fiance's groomsmen are composed of all family who really don't care if we have one. Plus 2/3 of our 80 person guest list are coming from out of town, so to have a party to hang out with out-of-towners would be 2/3 of our guests.
On the one hand, my bridesmaids are arranging a bridal shower for 15 people, including me and them, even though I expressly said that I did not want one. I am not having a bachelorette party because I do not want one either. My MOH has helped with a few things in planning the wedding. One bridesmaid lives a few states away and can't help and I just plain appreciate her coming to the wedding. The other two have been MIA in helping me when I've asked for it and they feel their big contribution is the shower.
On the other hand, so far as thanking/celebrating my bridesmaids, I feel my family and I hae done our bit. My mom has taken three out to lunch at a nice restaurant (the other lives too far away). I'm paying for their necklaces and earrings. I'm paying for all their hair, makeup and nails which wasn't mandatory on my part but rather my way of saying thank you and easing their expenses. I'm putting 2 up for the night of the wedding and I've gotten gifts for the other two.
It's not like I'm keeping score and I don't want to upset anyone by not having a dinner, but I feel as though I have thanked and repaid my bridesmaids enough. What more am I supposed to do?