Two engagement parties? :/

Megan+Adam · March 2012

My aunt and uncle who I'm very close with are throwing an engagement party for my FI and me. My FI's family has said that it's very nice of them and that they would attend, but have also mentioned in passing that maybe they could throw a second one closer to where they live later on.

In term of etiquette are there any rules about whether or not more than one e party is acceptable?

Cortney1982 · March 2012

I don't see a need for two unless you have A LOT of people that couldn't make it to the first one. And I wouldn't invite the same people twice.

Megan+Adam · March 2012

I definitely don't see the need for two since my FI's family lives within driving distance of my aunt and uncle. It's about a 2 hour drive. I'm also not a fan of the idea for a few personal reasons, such as being worried about hurting my aunt and uncle's feelings by having a second party and coming off as a brat by having two parties. What I'm unsure of is if having two would be inappropriate.

Basically I'm trying to decide if this is a situation where I should go with the flow or politely decline.

Kristin789 · March 2012

What?
It's customary to have TWO: one hosted by the bride's family to introduce the groom-to-be to the bride's extended family, and one hosted by the groom's family to introduce the bride-to-be to the groom's extended family.

And no, it doesn't matter if they live 2 hours apart. This is the usual, traditional way that engagement etiquette has been done forever (See below- which is from a 2011 website), and this is how it is done in my region of the country. Now, if you decide you DON'T want this, it would be a real slap in the face to your family or his family, but you could tell them that you don't want this...

Tradition has it that the bride's parents host the initial gathering, the groom's parents can then throw their own party

Read more: Engagement Parties: Planning 101 - Getting Engaged - Engaged - TheKnot.com http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/engagement-party-planning-101.aspx#ixzz1oK1b7UqU

Megan+Adam · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-engagement-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058c5da8-cc05-412c-bc65-bac4f1fcae63Post:7b49aa4d-9c73-4631-90cd-d876038f25d9">Re: Two engagement parties? :/</a>:
[QUOTE]What? It's customary to have TWO: one hosted by the bride's family to introduce the groom-to-be to the bride's extended family, and one hosted by the groom's family to introduce the bride-to-be to the groom's extended family. And no, it doesn't matter if they live 2 hours apart. This is the usual, traditional way that engagement etiquette has been done forever (See below- which is from a 2011 website), and this is how it is done in my region of the country. Now, if you decide you DON'T want this, it would be a real slap in the face to your family or his family, but you could tell them that you don't want this... Tradition has it that the bride's parents host the initial gathering, the groom's parents can then throw their own party
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>Kristin, thank you for your opinion, but none of my cousins or friends have had two engagement parties so I am certain that it isn't the norm where I'm from. I can't think of a single person I know who has had two engagement parties. <div>
</div></div>

[Deleted User] · March 2012

I had two engagment parties. My sister threw one for us in my hometown and my H's parent's friends threw us one in his home town.

mkrupar · March 2012

Oh God Kristin now you're quoting articles from the Knot??? When will your absurdity end.

I don't think there's any reason for two parties, nor do I think your Aunt & Uncle will be offended if you have another with FIs family. I would presume they're just extending an inviatation to their party to just your FI's parents, and not his whole extended family.

Basically I don't think there's a right or wrong here. Except Kristin. She's always wrong, or old fashioned, I haven't figured out which yet.

Meegles4 · March 2012

I don't agree with Kristen's logic (sometimes I really do wonder if she's paid by The Knot to offer the "knot-proper" answer).

But, I don't see a problem with 2 parties. I wouldn't invite the same people to both, but it's really no different than having multiple showers, IMO. You have different circles of people in your life and they may want to celebrate differently. No biggie.

In fact, now that I think about it, we had 2 engagement parties. FI's friend hosted a small dinner party for us and 3 other couples we're close to. Then, my old boss hosted a dinner for my old work team. For that party, FI wasn't even invited. It was just me and my old colleagues celebrating a big life event and catching up as I'd left the job a few months prior.

dori851 · March 2012

I don't see a problem with two parties. I just wouldn't invite the same people to both of them (except for immediate family maybe).

Megan+Adam · March 2012

Thanks for the input.

I was concerned that having two e parties would be akin to having tiered receptions.

I do think that my aunt and uncle were planning on inviting FI's extended family but maybe they shouldn't if his mom wants to throw a second engagement party later...

ceh789 · March 2012

It's not impolite to have 2 engagement parties any more than it is to have 2 showers - the same rules apply: don't overlap your guest lists.

If you're uncomfortable with it though, have you spoken to FI's mother about what she has in mind? If she's talking about a very small gathering then perhaps that would alleviate your discomfort some.

For what it's worth - two hours is a fairly long drive for a lot of people so I see where your FI's family may want something closer. I wouldn't drive two hours for an engagement party unless it was a very close friend or family member.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

Um, I didn't have an engagement party at all. I don't really feel that they are necessary and are a bit of a waste...but that is just my opinion.

I would politely decline your FMIL offer and just have your Aunt and Uncle continue with their planning. Invite everyone you wish too (just make sure that they will also be invited to the wedding), if they really want to attend then they will make the drive.

amys325 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-engagement-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:058c5da8-cc05-412c-bc65-bac4f1fcae63Post:4cea1c01-8fe0-44fa-95e7-118092a86dc6">Re: Two engagement parties? :/</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>It's not impolite to have 2 engagement parties any more than it is to have 2 showers - the same rules apply: don't overlap your guest lists.</strong> If you're uncomfortable with it though, have you spoken to FI's mother about what she has in mind? If she's talking about a very small gathering then perhaps that would alleviate your discomfort some. For what it's worth - two hours is a fairly long drive for a lot of people so I see where your FI's family may want something closer. I wouldn't drive two hours for an engagement party unless it was a very close friend or family member.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

I don't really see the big deal. It's a party and at least in my circle of friends, it's not a gift giving event. Like ceh said, don't invite the same people and you should be fine.

And FWIW, if our parent's had offered to throw us one, we would have had 2 because H's parents live 6 hours away from my parents.

Two engagement parties? :/

Re: Two engagement parties? :/

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