Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?

jaimeandbrett · March 2010

A young woman who works directly for my fiance told my fiance as lunch yesterday that she and her fiance have decided to go ahead and get married in a small ceremony. She then told him it was the DAY BEFORE our wedding! She speaks with my fiance in the office often about our wedding plans, got our save the date, etc. I think this is very rude. Many people from his office are invited to our much larger wedding and I feel they are going to use this as not only a celebration of our marriage, but theirs as well. Also, this makes it more difficult for fiance to have a worry-free (work wise, as least) day before the wedding.

Am I wrong to think that this lady is exhibiting poor manners? They are going to a JOP, it's not like that was the ONLY day a venue was available.

scoetto · March 2010

Yes.

ac_in_dc · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-only-one-thinks-this-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb5c9340-3cb5-414e-abe0-fbe31c5f04aePost:42107cca-7e5e-479a-96c5-4373b7d23e48">Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]A young woman who works directly for my fiance told my fiance as lunch yesterday that she and her fiance have decided to go ahead and get married in a small ceremony. She then told him it was the DAY BEFORE our wedding! She speaks with my fiance in the office often about our wedding plans, got our save the date, etc. I think this is very rude. Many people from his office are invited to our much larger wedding and I feel they are going to use this as not only a celebration of our marriage, but theirs as well. Also, this makes it more difficult for fiance to have a worry-free (work wise, as least) day before the wedding. Am I wrong to think that this lady is exhibiting poor manners? They are going to a JOP, it's not like that was the ONLY day a venue was available.
Posted by jaimeandbrett[/QUOTE]

I think it's fine. It's a co-worker, not his sister or something. You're overthinking this.

New MIL · March 2010

What effect will their going to the JOP have on your wedding?

mwhitson14 · March 2010

I don't think it's that big of a deal, unless you're both inviting coworkers to both weddings, which doesn't sound like the case.

And I guess she could try to make the reception about her, but I don't really see that happening. I'm sure a huge majority of your guests won't even know who she is or even speak to her, so it's not like they're all going to run over to her gushing about it.

Finally, why will her getting married affect your FI at work? Will he be responsible for picking up her slack?

jasmineh7777 · March 2010

No, I don't think his coworker is doing anything wrong. Her getting married at the JOP the day before won't effect you at all.
I highly doubt she will try to steal your thunder at your reception.

jaimeandbrett · March 2010

Thanks all, I was afraid I was reading too much into it.

Yes, FI will have to pick up her slack at work (he is the dept. head and only has one other person other than the girl getting married). He will be very unlikely to be able to take the day off entirely now.

This girl is always trying to be the center of attention and does NOTHING small, so I imagine JOP wedding will grow into something larger... Oh well!

JessAndTrav · March 2010

UR TOTES JUSTIFIED!!! OMG I'D BE SO ANGRY!!!!!

Ok, actually, I think that you're blowing this way out of proportion. Times infinity.

ETA: I didn't see your response when I posted this.

ac_in_dc · March 2010

Well, that sucks if he can't take the day before the wedding off. Is there really no way around it?

Even if she's a big attention hog I don't think it will detract from your wedding...anything she tries to do will just make her look dumb.

scoetto · March 2010

Don't worry about it! The energy you waste thinking about her can be used for something better.

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

Why do you care if she is getting married the day before you?

smokeybailey · March 2010

I'd be pissed if I had an event (wedding, vacation, whatever) and my BF was taking the day off before and now he couldn't. I don't care what the reason, but that sucks when you lose a day for anything.

As far as her using your reception to celebrate her wedding, well, I think you are overthinking that. I will laugh my @ss off if someone brings them a gift to your wedding. If they do, you have my permission to say something to the gift giver.

squirrly · March 2010

I think you're over thinking it. Your FI may have to be more proactive/creative in his solution for taking that Friday off, but when you get right down to it, he might not have to do so.

If she really is an AW, she only gets satisfaction out of this if it upsets you or makes you focus on her. Just let it go, focus on what you can control, and don't worry about it.

ThePinkSuperhero · March 2010

If he's the department head, he just tell her she can't have the day off. Problem solved! Her wedding is ruined and you can bask in all your glory.

sweetviolet · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-only-one-thinks-this-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb5c9340-3cb5-414e-abe0-fbe31c5f04aePost:42107cca-7e5e-479a-96c5-4373b7d23e48">Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I wrong to think that this lady is exhibiting poor manners?
Posted by jaimeandbrett[/QUOTE]

Yes and no. From the standpoint of "is she going to AW at my wedding?" yes, you are overthinking it (as you've already realized). From a work perspective, though, this is not cool. She's one of three people in a department, has presumably already agreed to cover some of the extra work while your FI is out, and she suddenly decided that getting married the day before her boss would be a good idea? As a supervisor, I would totally give this a sideye.

The good thing is that most companies have rules concerning how many people in a department can be off at any given time. Since (I'm presuming) your FI requested the time off before she did, she may not be able to take the day before your wedding off anyway unless she has a legitimate reason to get married on that particular day. In any case, I'd strongly suggest that your FI talk to his HR person (if he hasn't already) to help him work this out, if for no other reason than as a CYA for down the road. GL!

BrieBelle00 · March 2010

I have to agree with basically everyone else... They are free to choose whatever day they want to get married. They didn't pick your exact day, so where is the conflict? Perhaps the day they chose it what works for them...? You don't get to block everyone you know from having their own wedding for 'x' amount of days before and after your own wedding. I obviously don't know you, but this really kinda reads like you throwing a temper tantrum over something that doesn't really even concern you.

lilmizdncnqueen · March 2010

I wouldn't waste too much time/energy on being upset, but I do think it was pretty rude consdering she knew your plans. However, I would hope she doesn't have the nerve to pull anything at your reception or try to take any spotlight. The part I'd be the most upset about is the fact that FH could possibly not be able to get off work now. BUT - he should have dibs on taking off work before anyone b/c your wedding was first. I'm not sure where he works, but is there someone higher he could go to?

Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?

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