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Bridal shower invitees - do I have a responsibility to tell the hostess who's invited?

andamuandamu
100 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
I live in South Florida, and I'm planning my wedding down here.  My parents live up north, and while we'll be inviting some of their closest friends, we aren't planning to  invite everyone they know.

The thing is, one of my mother's oldest and dearest friends up north has offered to throw me a bridal shower next spring when I come home to visit, and my mom was discussing it with me the other day.  I really don't know who the hostess is planning to invite, seeing as I don't know how many of the other guests in their town she knows (I haven't lived there in a while, and most of my close friends don't either).  If it seems like she's planning to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding, am I obligated to say or do anything?
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Re: Bridal shower invitees - do I have a responsibility to tell the hostess who's invited?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    I would.

    I'd say, "I'm so flattered that you want to throw a shower!  Would you like our wedding guest list so you know who can be invited?"

    If she says anything about including people who aren't wedding guests, that's when you get to say, "Oh thank you for ther offer but I'm just not comfortable attending."
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  • andamuandamu
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think she's communicating with my mom (to make sure we set it up on a weekend that's convenient for me to travel), so I think I will be able to communicate delicately that it should be only invited guests, and if that ensures it's a small shower, all the nicer so that I can actually spend some time one-on-one with these ladies.

    Planning a wedding out-of-town from my parents' friends is causing me to think carefully about who I invite.  It's tempting to send invitations to some people on the off-chance that they might be able to attend (people who I would love to be present if they could, in fact, make it), but I also don't want anyone to feel obligated to come, nor do I want them to think I'm only inviting them for gifts.  It's a fine line one walks.
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