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Dress Drama

helpmoghelpmog
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in Moms and Maids
I'm the MOG. Long story so hang in there!

Colors are tiffany blue and black. 3 Bridesmaids can wear short dress of either color but 2 have already purchased black.

MOG goes shopping with Bride and picks out a lovely long dress in a color close to the correct blue. Bride sends me color suggestions, picks of colors, photo of mom's dress etc so I have something to go by. I go shop and find blue dress in pre-appoved color. Check with photos and color before purchasing. All is good. B & G approve. Walk out of store and get a text,  " Sister, (MOH), is thinking about getting that color dress." Surprised Call Bride talk about colors and sounds like she is encouraging MOH to go with black like rest of bridesmaids. OK, breath....

Then find out next week that MOB and MOH went shopping at same store I shopped at and they both bought the same color blue dress that I have in different styles. Surprised So now MOH, MOB & myself, MOG, are all wearing the exact same color.  Talked with Groom and expressed my not wanting to wear the same color. Colors should compliment - not necessarily match. They have talked about it and now the subject is off limits since they are not agreeing to some extent. I feel bad since all of the planning has been going well for them and now this dress issue has arisen. Bride says it's all good but I think that she's not being straight forward, but is just done emotionally with it all so I've backed off about it. Maybe she is fine with it. I truely don't know and don't want to upset her by bringing up the subject.

However I'm still not thrilled about this scenario. Do I drop it and wear the matchy-matchy dress? My luck the MOB will decide at the last minute to go back to dress one and leave me looking like I'm a bridesmaid, matching the MOH. Do I buy a back-up dress? Afraid to talk to Bride about it tho I know I should. Suggestions?
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Re: Dress Drama

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    HandBananaHandBanana member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree with you about everything and I think it is really great that you were so flexible allowing the bride to pretty much pick out your dress. I just don't think it is worth bringing up again if you already let her pick out what you are wearing.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    With all due respect, NO ONE should really be telling you what you should or should not wear.  As long as your dress fits in with the "tone and formality" of the wedding, your dress selection should be your choice.  Honestly, if there is drama, it was born from an issue that should have never arisen in the first place. 

    That said, however, I can understand how you would prefer to not make waves or drama with your future DIL.  You went above and beyond what was necessary to find a dress that met with "approval".  You had that approval when you made your purchase.  The bride said she is fine with it all.

    You can leave it alone if you wish.  You can't and shouldn't keep trying to second guess the bride or reinvent the wheel everytime someone else decides to revisit their choice.  You can avoid "looking like a BM" by accessorizing differently.  Use jewelry or a shawl to add some color variation.  Put a pop of color in with your shoe and purse choice.

    You could purchase another dress.  I personally would go with black just because of the versatility.  However, in this never ending scenario of people changing their minds.....what if someone else yet again changes THEIR dress choice thinking you are keeping the matchy dress??   The madness would never end.

    The bride said it's all good.  You will find it to be a moot point the day of the wedding.  If you actually like the dress you bought, let it be.  I hope that made sense for you.  Good luck!
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Another MOB here and ditto mobkaz.  We have 4 daughters and when one of them gets married I will NOT discuss my dress with the MOG unless forced to.  The ONLY reason is out of respect for the MOG.  MOG should dress tastefully and feel beautiful in what she wears - on one knows how to do that better than MOG.  I feel that waiting for MOB to buy her dress and MOG getting her dress "approved" by anyone is truly disrespectful to MOG.

    In all honesty, this situation will stop when you stop bringing it up.  It is just a dress.  It isn't whether or not the officient or caterer show up - those would truly affect the wedding and that is what they need to worry about.

    I am sure you will be absolutey stunning.  Let it go and rock that dress!


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    HandBananaHandBanana member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to Re:Dress Drama:[QUOTE]I agree with you about everything and I think it is really great that you were so flexible allowing the bride to pretty much pick out your dress. I just don't think it is worth bringing up again if you already let her pick out what you are wearing. Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

    To clarify, I think it was nice and I understand why you let the bride pretty much pick out your dress but I don't think the bride should have a saw in MOG or MOB attire.
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2012
    It was nice of you to give the bride say in your dress and try to appease her, but she should NOT have been telling you what kind or color of dress to purchase. That is completely up to you.

    At this point, I would probably drop it. As far as what dress to wear--if you love the blue dress and feel good in it, I would keep it. If you are unsure and don't love it, then maybe look for something else and see if you can return it. However I wouldn't worry about their blue and black colors; that's just me. The mothers do not have to match the WP or the wedding colors. Our colors were black and magenta and my mom wore plum. So if you find another dress in a totally different color, I'd get it.


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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    Another MOB, here. I think your whole scenario is ridiculous.The mothers should wear any colors they like, other than white or ivory. They are not part of the wedding party, unless they are bms, so the bride does not get to give them color swatches.

    My daughter told me to wear whatever color I want, she is telling her FMIL and her grandmother the same thing. If we show up in matching colors (it's happened before-MOG and I like the same colors),we'll have a good laugh about it. If you're worried about photos, please take a look at your own wedding album. How many photos are there of the MOB, MOG and the entire wedding party? None? It doesn't matter if you match, complement or clash with the MOB, MOH.

    If you love your dress, wear it. If you want to change it, go ahead and do so. You don't need anyone's permission. What do you want to do?

    edited for clarification
                       
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    helpmoghelpmog
    First Comment
    To clarify MOB and MOH are mother / daughter. MOB bought the same color dress as MOH. So even if MOB didn't know that I had chosen that color, she definately knew her daughter was wearing that color since they shopped together and bought the dresses together.


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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    Another MOB here. I think you were very accomodating to bride's wishes. If she was fine with it at time of purchase, go with it. 

    I totally understand your dress is a really big deal. So's mine for my DD's upcoming wedding. But it is really only a big deal TO ME. Nobody is even going to pay attention. The only way anyone would notice me at all is if my dress was ill-fitting or distasteful. It is neither. And I'm pretty sure since I'm twice the age of the BMs, that nobody would mistake me for one if I happened to wear the same color. 

    Rock the blue dress!
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2db1dde3-7247-4e4f-87be-7193313445ccPost:4d78c23e-5480-4a08-a7a3-1eba9bfa9a7f">Re: Dress Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]To clarify MOB and MOH are mother / daughter. MOB bought the same color dress as MOH. So even if MOB didn't know that I had chosen that color, she definately knew her daughter was wearing that color since they shopped together and bought the dresses together.
    Posted by helpmog[/QUOTE]

    The bride most likely told her mom about your dress color. For some strange reason, she wanted the moms and MOH to match. She is fine with your choice. I doubt that the MOB would change her color at the last minute. Even if she does, it will not make you look like a 'wannabe bm.'

    The important part is whether or not YOU love the dress you will be wearing.
                       
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    helpmoghelpmog
    First Comment
    Thanks for your support everyone. I appreciate all the opinions. I'm just going to wear this dress and be happy with it. If nothing else I have a great story as to why everyone is wearing the same color if it comes up.


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    OP, I totally understand your feelings on this. However, I would just drop it. If you're pretty wealthy, then you can buy a back up dress. If not though, I would suck it up, and move on. The bride is a big girl, if she has a problem with something, she should've told you. There also seems to be some poor organzational skills going on with her. I'm sorry that you were put in such an awkward position...
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2db1dde3-7247-4e4f-87be-7193313445ccPost:8aeb9aa5-9f5f-48ec-877d-f1d55e60452c">Re:Dress Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, maybe I'm the only one who thinks YOU are being a little ridiculous, but I do. If you don't want to match the MOB and MOH, then get another dress. You don't need the bride's permission to do so. But you sound extremely judgmental of them for getting dresses that matched, and quite frankly what either of them wear is none of your business. If the MOB wants to match the MoH instead of "compliment" then who cares? If the MOH wants the blue dress instead of the black one and the bride gave her that option, then who cares. It was very sweet of you to let the bride have so much say in your dress, but honestly it sounds like the only one who is upset with the other ladies' choices is you. Buy another dress or wear that one, whichever makes you happy. But stop pestering the bride and groom about making the others change dresses if that is what you're doing and quit acting like you have been personally wronged somehow, which is how it sounds from your post.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I agree with all of this.

    OP, you need to wear the dress that you love.  It shouldn't matter what the color is, if is coordinates, or matches, or compliments.  Not to be rude but the parents are not in the WP so they can wear whatever the heck they want to.

    It is nice of you that you were so willing to appease the bride, but it is just a dress and the only person who should love it and be comfortable in it is you because you will be wearing it.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2db1dde3-7247-4e4f-87be-7193313445ccPost:fa9c424f-2e15-41ff-9ccf-a092c958db74">Re: Dress Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]From a bride's point of view, <strong>I told my FMIL not to purchase her dress before we picked out the BMs dresses and informed her about the scheduled appointment for my BMs dresses. </strong>The day before I had an appointment for my BMs dresses, she went out against my wishes and purchased her dress anyway. I just wished she waited one more day because I was on the fence about certain colors and <strong>didn't want the mother's to match the BMs.</strong> (By the way, this dress fitting was schedule over a year before my wedding, so she had plenty of time to choose a dress.) At first I was annoyed with the principal of the situation, but then, I calmed myself down and said I was not even thinking about that particular color that my FMIL has chosen, so everything is fine. I'm not sure if your FDIL communicated with you not to get your dress before the girl's picked their dresses. I did and my FMIL didn't listen to me because she was so excited about getting her dress and couldn't hear me.<strong> If my FMIL ironically picked the same color that are my BMs dresses, I wouldn't know what to do. </strong>I may had to change my entire wedding to accommodate her dress, which is not fair. However if your FDIL said that she is okay for you to wear the same color as the BMs, whether this is the truth or not, you should wear the dress that was already picked out. Lately, there have been unique wedding trends such as everyone wearing black or white including the guests. Maybe, her vision is for everyone to wear the same color.   You may not want to hear my advice, since it's coming from the brides point of view, but it is your FDIL and your son's wedding. Everyone had their weddings and put forth their visions. If they want you to wear a certain color, you should do your best to find that dress color. I know some brides who we even go further and pick out the style and color for the moms. On the other hand, my wish was for the moms to pick out their own style and a different color from each other, the BMs and my dress. It worked out in the end. However if you want a back up dress, just in case, she changes her mind. You can always get something and wear it to the rehearsal dinner if you are not wearing it to the wedding.
    Posted by bride4567[/QUOTE]

    Your FMIL does not have to get approval of her dress or color from anyone. She is an adult, not a member of the wedding party and has been dressing herself for decades. You may choose any color you wish for your bms, regardless of your FMIL's choice. The bride gets to decide on what the <strong>wedding party</strong> will wear. period.
                       
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2db1dde3-7247-4e4f-87be-7193313445ccPost:fa9c424f-2e15-41ff-9ccf-a092c958db74">Re: Dress Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]From a bride's point of view, I told my FMIL not to purchase her dress before we picked out the BMs dresses and informed her about the scheduled appointment for my BMs dresses. The day before I had an appointment for my BMs dresses, she went out against my wishes and purchased her dress anyway. I just wished she waited one more day because I was on the fence about certain colors and didn't want the mother's to match the BMs. (By the way, this dress fitting was schedule over a year before my wedding, so she had plenty of time to choose a dress.) At first I was annoyed with the principal of the situation, but then, I calmed myself down and said I was not even thinking about that particular color that my FMIL has chosen, so everything is fine. I'm not sure if your FDIL communicated with you not to get your dress before the girl's picked their dresses. I did and my FMIL didn't listen to me because she was so excited about getting her dress and couldn't hear me. If my FMIL ironically picked the same color that are my BMs dresses, I wouldn't know what to do.  I may had to change my entire wedding to accommodate her dress, which is not fair. <strong><em>This part is just absolutely ridiculous.  You wouldn't be able to deal with your FMIL's dress being the same as your BM's?  Would this ruin your wedding</em></strong>   However if your FDIL said that she is okay for you to wear the same color as the BMs, <strong><em>No one outside the WP needs the bride's permission to wear anything.  </em></strong>whether this is the truth or not, you should wear the dress that was already picked out. Lately, there have been unique wedding trends such as everyone wearing black or white including the guests. Maybe, her vision is for everyone to wear the same color.   You may not want to hear my advice, since it's coming from the brides point of view, (<strong><em>many brides have</em></strong> <strong><em>posted their POV and it is to ensure the moms and anyone else choose what makes them feel beautiful and fits the formality of th wedding.  They have posted that brides do not have the right to be as restrictive as you are trying to be) </em></strong>but it is your FDIL and your son's wedding. Everyone had their weddings and put forth their visions. If they want you to wear a certain color, you should do your best to find that dress color. I know some brides who would go even further and pick out the style and color for the moms. <strong><em>these brides are known as spoiled bridezillas. </em></strong>On the other hand, my wish was for the moms to pick out their own style and a different color from each other, the BMs and my dress. It worked out in the end. However if you want a back up dress, just in case, she changes her mind. You can always get something and wear it to the rehearsal dinner if you are not wearing it to the wedding.
    Posted by bride4567[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>My 4 grown DD's would never in a million years try to treat their FMIL's in such a manner. Since 3 of the girls are married, I know this for a fact.  All they cared about was everyone being comfortable and feeling beautiful.  As it should have been.

    </div>
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2db1dde3-7247-4e4f-87be-7193313445ccPost:fa9c424f-2e15-41ff-9ccf-a092c958db74">Re: Dress Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]From a bride's point of view, I told my FMIL not to purchase her dress before we picked out the BMs dresses and informed her about the scheduled appointment for my BMs dresses. The day before I had an appointment for my BMs dresses, she went out against my wishes and purchased her dress anyway. I just wished she waited one more day because I was on the fence about certain colors and didn't want the mother's to match the BMs. (By the way, this dress fitting was schedule over a year before my wedding, so she had plenty of time to choose a dress.) At first I was annoyed with the principal of the situation, but then, I calmed myself down and said I was not even thinking about that particular color that my FMIL has chosen, so everything is fine. I'm not sure if your FDIL communicated with you not to get your dress before the girl's picked their dresses. I did and my FMIL didn't listen to me because she was so excited about getting her dress and couldn't hear me. If my FMIL ironically picked the same color that are my BMs dresses, I wouldn't know what to do. I may had to change my entire wedding to accommodate her dress, which is not fair. However if your FDIL said that she is okay for you to wear the same color as the BMs, whether this is the truth or not, you should wear the dress that was already picked out. Lately, there have been unique wedding trends such as everyone wearing black or white including the guests. Maybe, her vision is for everyone to wear the same color.   You may not want to hear my advice, since it's coming from the brides point of view, but it is your FDIL and your son's wedding. Everyone had their weddings and put forth their visions. If they want you to wear a certain color, you should do your best to find that dress color. I know some brides who would go even further and pick out the style and color for the moms. On the other hand, my wish was for the moms to pick out their own style and a different color from each other, the BMs and my dress. It worked out in the end. However if you want a back up dress, just in case, she changes her mind. You can always get something and wear it to the rehearsal dinner if you are not wearing it to the wedding.
    Posted by bride4567[/QUOTE]

    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/4/9b956a0f-afb6-4f59-a4d1-9beaefe11ea5.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/4/9b956a0f-afb6-4f59-a4d1-9beaefe11ea5.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

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    HandBananaHandBanana member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    You are making us brides look bad!  That is not the true brides view or what MOST of us brides do.

    I was just complimented that my MIL and my mom were so excited about my wedding that they wanted to buy new dresses and look amazing.

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    alishalooalishaloo
    First Comment
    I personally think that it will look nice and its ok beacuse it is a different style!
    CAn you upload a picture of the dress?
    can you add a sash or brooch or shawl or anything ot make it more personal to you?

    and I IWSH you where my grooms mother and involved and wanted to dress nice- I fear what his mother s are going to show up in and if they will even show up at all!
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Did bride 4567 delete her post?
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