Pre-wedding Parties

explanation please

So I was reading a previous poster about Jack N Jill and Stag & Doe it seems there is a lot of debate as to have those or not.  This is NOT that kind of post.
My question is can someone please explain to me what they are.  I'm going out on a limb and say they are not part of my social unit here in the South b/c I have never heard of them before.  Just curious what kind of party are they?  What's the point? Thanks :)

Re: explanation please

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The Jack and Jill shower that you are probably asking about is a fundraiser event for the couple. Rather than bring gifts, people purchase tickets to attend. Sometimes the tickets are sold to people that aren't even invited to the wedding. Usually there is a buffet and maybe dancing. There are games (cards and roulette wheels)  and raffle tickets are sold for prizes. The raffle prizes are donated by family members or whoever is throwing the party. The sole purpose of the event is to make as large a profit as possible for the couple. They use the money to fund their wedding. Think of it as a sort of carnival. This is the type of shower that you see get so much negative feedback on TK. Most people consider it to be offensive.


    The other type of Jack and Jill Shower is simply a shower to which women and men are invited.They bring gifts for the couple and enjoy refreshments and socializing. Both the bride and groom are the guests of honor. This kind of shower is generally regarded as acceptable.


                       
  • edited December 2011
    I didn't know what those were either.  Thanks for explaining!
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  • bekahjane89bekahjane89 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm from the south too, I've never heard of the first, but one of our showers will be the latter with guys and gals. I think it is great - it isn't your normal bridal shower mix and can be a lot of fun! My FI even registered at Home Depot for some basic tools we need and we have some things on our registry like tents and camping gear for the guys to get. I've been to them before and the guys generally bring a "guy" gift and the girls give the traditional stuff.
    Beka Lou
  • edited December 2011
    I've also never heard of the carnival type until I came to theknot and had to google it.  :P  I was reading that some of the things sold are vodka soaked cherries, 4/dollar, guess the number of whatever in a jar, etc.  The winner gets a portion of the money earned for that game and the rest goes to the bride and groom.

    I hope this isn't getting too much into whether or not they are rude territory, but in my experience, most people have a set amount of money that they are going to spend for a wedding and they divide that between however many gifts they need to get (1 for the shower, 1 for the wedding).  I would think that most would also factor this party into their gift budget, however if part of the money is going to others as prizes, then in the end, the bride and groom are coming out behind.


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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    IMO, a wedding should not be run like charity event. The B & G should determine how much they can budget for the wedding and not expect the guests to contribute. I was invited to a Jack and Jill once and declined. I later found out that I was still expected to purchase my ticket to help the couple out. How rude of me!

                       
  • ecuchikaecuchika member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow that IS RUDE...but the to me it seems the lingo is not very defined.  From most posters it seems that Jack & Jill refer to a co-ed shower.  But there was one or two people who referred to Jack & Jill as that 'carnival' event.  I think to save frustration and to keep myself from getting hammered by anyone who misinterprets I'll just say a co-ed bridal shower :)  Thanks for the explanation!!! I wouldn't want to go to that other type of party either.  Nor would I want to pay for NOT attending!  Gosh!
    I have learned a LOT from being on TK.  Some good some bad!
    Happy Planning!!!
  • edited December 2011
    Oh my goodness! I did not even know that existed. I always thought a stag/doe was a bachelor or batchelorette party and that a Jack and Jill was a wedding shower where men and women were invited. I had never even heard of the carnival thing. I think I would be appauled if someone did that for me. That is incredibly tacky!! I am pretty accepting of "different" ideas... but wow... no way would I ever want to attend one of those for a wedding.

    Maybe for a charity fundraiser for cancer or something like that.... but not a wedding!!!!


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