African American Weddings

I need to vent!

When we first started planning the wedding, we were going to invite about 60 people. 60 turned into 80 and 80 has turned into over 100. FI and I each have a cousin that has inquired about where their invitation was. My mother's first cousin complained to her brother that she didn't get an invite and he in turn calls my mom (he wasn't mean about it) just telling her that his sister was wondering where her invitation was. After discussing it with my mom, I sent her an invite and she better RSVP. FI's cousin called him asking where hers was and he lied and told her it was in the mail (bad response on his part).

I'm just a little pissed off because these are people who we each barely talk to and they have the audacity to ask about an invitation. My coordinator stated in a blog that if you haven't spoken to someone in 6 months for whatever reason, don't invite them. Part of me feels that they only want to come to be nosey and complain. We had to put limits on guests for a reason. The venue is already small and I don't want to be cramped in a small space on my wedding day. I've been in situations where we've been cramped at receptions and it's not fun.

Also, I sent out about 70 invitations on June 7 and as of today I received 16 back. The RSVP date is July 16. I know you're supposed to call people to remind them, but I'm not doing that. If you can't look at your calendar and figure out if you'll be there then don't bother responding. As of July 20, I'm going to assume that the non responders are not attending and leaving it at that. I need to know how much to pay the venue without overpaying and not getting my money back. Ugh!

Re: I need to vent!

  • prncszprncsz member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I'm sorry you are having issues with people trying to invite themselves and then those who were invited won't take the time to RSVP. Hey if you don't RSVP you're not coming plain and simple and I would have a bodyguard at the door waiting to check people off the list if your name isn't on it, you're not getting in. Hopefully you'll get more responses before your RSVP date. Hope things get better for you!!

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  • bbyckesbbyckes member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:552e48bd-1462-4053-818e-b517dc0503eaPost:2f80bab4-d85d-4140-af12-f2549f0ad5cb">I need to vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE] Also, I sent out about 70 invitations on June 7 and as of today I received 16 back. <strong>The RSVP date is July 16. I know you're supposed to call people to remind them, but I'm not doing that.</strong> If you can't look at your calendar and figure out if you'll be there then don't bother responding. <strong>As of July 20, I'm going to assume that the non responders are not attending and leaving it at that.</strong> I need to know how much to pay the venue without overpaying and not getting my money back. Ugh!
    Posted by KMB611[/QUOTE]

    I understand your frustration, but set your limits and stand by them.  But, when it comes to not calling people - I would definitely NOT do that.  You do not want any unpleasant surprises the day of.  You don't want scrambling and overages.  You have to take back control of your guest list and that starts by checking in with people who have not RSVPd.

    You'd be surprised.  There were some people who did not RSVP and I assumed they weren't coming, but called and lo' and behold, they said they were coming.  Please call them.
  • amberlynnedamberlynned member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:552e48bd-1462-4053-818e-b517dc0503eaPost:2f80bab4-d85d-4140-af12-f2549f0ad5cb">I need to vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]The RSVP date is July 16. I know you're supposed to call people to remind them, but I'm not doing that. If you can't look at your calendar and figure out if you'll be there then don't bother responding. As of July 20, I'm going to assume that the non responders are not attending and leaving it at that. Posted by KMB611[/QUOTE]

    I understand how upset you are, (I invited 20 people out of obligation) but the last thing you need are these people not RSVPing and still showing up. Then you'll have some serious overflow, seating, & catering issues. If they're ghetto enough to invite themselves, they're ghetto enough to come & not RSVP.

    GL! I hope it all works out, or at least you get to a happy place :)
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  • luckyinloveazluckyinloveaz member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So sorry your going thru this. I haven't gotten to this part yet and Im already dreading it.




  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:552e48bd-1462-4053-818e-b517dc0503eaPost:e07778dc-5fe0-4345-be22-10cb4fbbf689">Re: I need to vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to I need to vent! : I understand how upset you are, (I invited 20 people out of obligation) but the last thing you need are these people not RSVPing and still showing up. Then you'll have some serious overflow, seating, & catering issues. <strong><font color="#ff0000">If they're ghetto enough to invite themselves, they're ghetto enough to come & not RSVP.</font></strong> GL! I hope it all works out, or at least you get to a happy place :)
    Posted by amberlynned[/QUOTE]

    I FEEL THAT!!!
  • edited December 2011

    Initially, I also felt that it was unneccessary to track people down trying to find out whether or not they plan on attending.  However, like the other posters have stated, you do NOT want any unpleasant surprises on your day.  Trust me, people will SHOW up without RSVP'ing.  My RSVP date is on the fourth of July.  I plan on sending reminder emails/facebook messages starting this Friday.  As far as the family  members I have recruited my mother and my future MIL to make phone calls on our behalf to see if people are coming or not.  I hope this helps.

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  • KMB611KMB611 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone. I feel better now. I'll just have my mom track people down. I'll probably get a mad rush of RSVPs at one point.
  • miah_23_ncbmiah_23_ncb member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    what a mess. if other people ask or invite themselves you guys should tell them that there is not enough space & your budget only allows to invite x number of people.I feel you about not calling people. Im not there yet but feel that these ppl are grown I shouldnt not have to call & remind them.
  • edited December 2011

    For those of you that are dreading the RSVP process including myself, if you are hiring a coordinator I suggest you add this service into your package and let them handle it, the coordinator I am using has this in almost all of their packages and for the ones that don't you can add for additional cost. The RSVP's won't even come to me, they go directly to the coordinator and the update a spreadsheet as they come in and when the deadline date has come they call all who has not RSVP'd to get the final count for you and then they send you the spreadsheet showing you all the people who is or is not coming. 

  • ufsweetiebearufsweetiebear member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I could've written this post when we sent out save-the-dates. FI's family assumed EVERYONE should receive one, not just close friends and family we wanted to make early plans to attend. I'm expecting the same response to our invitations (although I feel as though we've invited everybody & their momma already so no one can complain).

    But I agree with PP's. I would say call them but be firm - by the end of the call you need a yes or no. Maybe's will be counted as a no and they will not be able to attend.
  • edited December 2011
    KMB611 - I am sorry you are going through this BUT I have yet to hear from any bride about not having some type of RSVP issue.  As sucky as it is, it is best that you DO take the time and contact those who have not sent in their RSVP as you do not want any unwelcomed surprises on your wonderful wedding day.  And I totally agree with miah_23 response about how to reply to anyone else who calls and asks about getting an invite this late in the game.

    this is a side vent but still goes with your post -- can someone please tell me what is the deal with people not understanding and respecting the RSVP process! O-M-G, what is so freakin' hard about taking 5 seconds of your time to tell someone YES or NO you and # in your party will  or will not attend and then place the RSVP card in the mail as it already has a damn stamp on it!
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