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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Pookieson
member
Sand Ceremony including daughter
I need some help finding some good readings for this part of the ceremony and something that includes 3 vases for pouring sand.
Help please?
Help please?
June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Sand Ceremony including daughter
Including your daughter as a flower girl or bridesmaid (depending on what she would prefer) is certainly an honor!
That being said, you can Google "Family Unity Ceremony" and get some ideas if it's something you must do.
Found this:
at the bottom of this page are three options:
http://www.calgaryweddingsource.com/unity_sand_ceremony_wording.html
I've seen a lot of people of the opinion that children should not be involved in wedding related "ceremonies" (unity or otherwise) at all.
To the extreme, I remember a thread from a bride who posted here a few months ago that wanted she and FI's collective 10 children ranging in age from two to seventeen being involved in some way and how can she find 12 colors of sand.
It gets to be too much and takes the focus away from the couple.
I guess I don't get the point of having a child pour sand in a vase during a unity ceremony. The symbolism is that the two parts (bride and groom, separate sand colors) become one. This is the point of marriage, you pour your whole self into it. That's heavy, mixed symbolism for a child, no matter what age.
Why can't the OP and her FI just present the daughter with a small token or gift? A nice necklace or bracelet that she can wear forever if she chooses. It also doesn't force her to do anything she's not wholeheartedy in understanding or acceptance of.
If you define marriage as a legal and spiritual commitment between two consenting adults - then it makes no sense to include a third party in your ceremony.
If you define a wedding as the ceremony which joins two families together, then it's appropriate to have a representative from each side pour the sand or light the unity candle. This is a fairly new tradition that is not allowed by all churches.
[QUOTE]In MS's defense, I'm not sure I'm crazy about involving children in the unity ceremony, either. Isn't that a symbol of uniting a couple in marriage? If you involve kids in it, isn't that like the kids "marrying in" as well? I get that the idea is to blend the family, but I don't think the wedding ceremony is the place to do that. I feel it should be about the couple only.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
I think I'll split the difference.
If the kids are fine with being involved and are old enough to make informed decisions about their participation, then I'm fine with including them as long as the kids are not saying vows, the couple retains center stage and the "family unity" doesn't overwhelm the event.
But if they're infants or toddlers, or they're old enough to make informed decisions about their participation and they clearly do not want to be involved, then I'm not fine with including them because they are being used as breathing props and if they're very small, won't even understand, let alone remember, what is happening.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sand Ceremony including daughter : I think I'll split the difference. <strong>If the kids are fine with being involved and are old enough to make informed decisions about their participation, then I'm fine with including them</strong> as long as the kids are not saying vows, the couple retains center stage and the "family unity" doesn't overwhelm the event. But if they're infants or toddlers, or they're old enough to make informed decisions about their participation and they clearly do not want to be involved, then I'm not fine with including them because they are being used as breathing props and if they're very small, won't even understand, let alone remember, what is happening.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
Truly, what kid would say "no"?
Example: My mom remarried when I was a teenager. Had she and SD chosen to do a family unity ceremony, I know I would've felt obligated to participate (even if I didn't want to) so as not to make my mom disappointed in me or sad. Had I been snotty enough to say no to her, I bet she would've made me participate anyways.
I feel the kid(s) don't ever really have a choice, even if they are "old enough". This is why I'm not a fan of family unity ceremonies.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sand Ceremony including daughter : Truly, what kid would say "no"? Example: My mom remarried when I was a teenager. Had she and SD chosen to do a family unity ceremony, I know I would've felt obligated to participate (even if I didn't want to) so as not to make my mom disappointed in me or sad. Had I been snotty enough to say no to her, I bet she would've made me participate anyways. I feel the kid(s) don't ever really have a choice, even if they are "old enough". This is why I'm not a fan of family unity ceremonies.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
Older kids who really don't like the new spouse might well say "no" regardless of how their remarrying parent feels. Or they might just feel too shy. Whatever the case, if the kid really doesn't want to do it, the parent should respect that. When the parent does force the kid to do it, everyone is uncomfortable: the kid, their parent, the new spouse, and the guests for having to watch a kid be coerced, if even just emotionally, into doing something that's really not in keeping with how they feel, just to keep Mommy or Daddy happy.