Wedding Etiquette Forum

Second-round invitations?

My fiance and I have a very strict limit for our guest list (100 people, no more).  There are people we HAVE to invite and, therefore, some people we WANT to invite don't fit on the list.  What's the protocol with sending out second-round invitations?  Example:  if someone RSVPs and declines, can I then send an invitation to a friend I wanted there but couldn't originally invite?  This seems kind of yucky to me because I don't want anyone to feel that they're "second tier."  In fact, some of the second-rounders are really first choices, it's just that I can't not invite Great-Aunt Dorris or whoever.  I, of course, would do everything in my power never to let on that someone who receives an invite might have originally been "B-listed."  That being said, how would I handle the save-the-dates that go out before the invitations?  HELP!

Re: Second-round invitations?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:f48d8a44-5791-453a-a1e5-c1196ec72d8c">Second-round invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I have a very strict limit for our guest list (100 people, no more).  There are people we HAVE to invite and, therefore, some people we WANT to invite don't fit on the list.  What's the protocol with sending out second-round invitations?  Example:  if someone RSVPs and declines, can I then send an invitation to a friend I wanted there but couldn't originally invite?  <strong>This seems kind of yucky to me because I don't want anyone to feel that they're "second tier."</strong>  In fact, some of the second-rounders are really first choices, it's just that I can't not invite Great-Aunt Dorris or whoever.  I, of course, would do everything in my power never to let on that someone who receives an invite might have originally been "B-listed."  That being said, how would I handle the save-the-dates that go out before the invitations?  HELP!
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    You simply can't.  It is rude. You chose the venue for your wedding and thus need to accept the consequences of that decision. Though, if I were in your shoes I would talk with family and discuss who really needs to be there. This may not work depending on family dynamics and how close you are to everyone involved.
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  • B lists are rude, because nobody enjous being told that they are secind rate choices.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:f48d8a44-5791-453a-a1e5-c1196ec72d8c">Second-round invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I have a very strict limit for our guest list (100 people, no more).  There are people we HAVE to invite and, therefore, some people we WANT to invite don't fit on the list.  What's the protocol with sending out second-round invitations?  Example:  if someone RSVPs and declines, can I then send an invitation to a friend I wanted there but couldn't originally invite?  This seems kind of yucky to me because I don't want anyone to feel that they're "second tier."  In fact, some of the second-rounders are really first choices, it's just that I can't not invite Great-Aunt Dorris or whoever.  I, of course, would do everything in my power never to let on that someone who receives an invite might have originally been "B-listed."  That being said, how would I handle the save-the-dates that go out before the invitations?  HELP!
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]
    It sounds yucky to me, too. And these people will feel like second tier people because that's what they will be. I totally understand that you want them to come first, but you're putting them second. And that's yucky all around.
    Only send save the dates to people you are definitely inviting, like close family. Leave it at that. Remember, Save the Dates = Invitations, so anyone you send a STD to, must also recieve an invitation. If you send an STD to someone you want on your B-List, but not enough people decline, that's hurtful and confusing.

    My best advice? Find a new venue so you can invite more than 100 people. Is your current venue too small? Find a bigger one. Is your venue too expensive? Cut back on other costs or find a cheaper venue.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:392e77bc-9f33-4415-a8a0-e0f637d115d7">Re: Second-round invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Second-round invitations? : It sounds yucky to me, too. And these people will feel like second tier people because that's what they will be. I totally understand that you want them to come first, but you're putting them second. And that's yucky all around. Only send save the dates to people you are definitely inviting, like close family. Leave it at that. Remember, Save the Dates = Invitations, so anyone you send a STD to, must also recieve an invitation. If you send an STD to someone you want on your B-List, but not enough people decline, that's hurtful and confusing. My best advice? Find a new venue so you can invite more than 100 people. Is your current venue too small? Find a bigger one. Is your venue too expensive? Cut back on other costs or find a cheaper venue.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    The venues that we've looked at can fit enough people, we just can't afford to have them there.  We have a really tiny budget (I'm very disheartened, finidng that everyone doubles their prices when we say "wedding") and a HUGE family to accomodate.  We've already decided that we're going to do a Friday or Sunday morning wedding to cut down on expenses, and might consider cutting things like DJs, flowers, possibly even a traditional cake.  I still want a wedding, you know?  I don't want to cut so many things that I no longer have a celebration, just a bunch of unentertained people.  I have a few friends who I would LOVE to be there, but I also have waaayyy too many Aunts and Uncles.  I was even thinking of not sending Save the Dates altogether.  If Aunt Betty (totally making these people up) calls 2 months prior and says she's not coming, why can't I turn around and send friend Jodi an invite?  Who would know one way or another?
  • Save the dates aren't required if this isn't a destination wedding. There are tons of ways to save money. Shop around, haggle with vendors and use one person's quote against another. Those savings add up so you can squeeze a few more people on the guest list.
  • They will know because we live in a world that is very open, and where everyone can talk to one another on a moment's notice. Here's what will happen. Aunt Jo will get her invite, and post on Facebook about how excited she is to attend, what she'll wear, etc. Now all your friends see that invites went out, and they didn't get one. Then mysteriously two months later they get one. Helloooo obvious Blisting. If it doesn't happen by twitter or facebook, it'll happen by phone or verbal slip. Besides, not getting caught at doing something hurtful doesn't make it right to do.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:db1946e4-35f8-42a7-b180-fa14aee1090b">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Save the dates aren't required if this isn't a destination wedding. There are tons of ways to save money. Shop around, haggle with vendors and use one person's quote against another. Those savings add up so you can squeeze a few more people on the guest list.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    It's definitely not a destination wedding, at least I don't think so.  Our families are from two different states but they're neighboring.  Some family members might have a bit of a drive (1.5 - 2 hours) but it's just because the closer we move to accomodate one family, the farther we move away from another.  I have a few relatives who live waaaayyy far away and would need to fly to the wedding, but I'm not sure if they'll come or not.  That's ANOTHER issue.  I truly believe that, due to the fact that I have family spread around the country, some are probably unlikely to come.  Now I'm sending them an invitation that probably won't be accepted and giving up a guest who would most likely attend.  Ugh, weddings are frustrating.  I'd really like to have a romantic elopement instead.  (Sorry, went on a little rant right there).
  • OP,

    I understand budgets are tough.  Besides all the money-saving tips PPs have mentioned, I really think you just need to be strict about your guest list.  Getting married does not have to mean a family reunion.  You don't need to feel bad if you can't invite every family member.  Sometimes you just need to get tough about these things. 

    At the end of the day, you have to come up with a guest list and stick to it.  It would be better for you to not invite some of these people at all than to invite them later on a B-list.  They'll have to understand.

    The only people you can B-list are plus ones for *truly* single people.  Invite all your single guests without a plus-one, then extend a plus-one when you get your RSVP declines back. 

    SaveSave
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:89fb04dd-3983-4723-80f0-67ab35e9f230">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? :  I'd really like to have a romantic elopement instead.  (Sorry, went on a little rant right there).
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    Do it.

    Why go through the time and expense of having a wedding (and have guests go through the time and expense of getting to your wedding and potentially buying you gifts), if you're not going to have the event you want with the people you want there.
    Just make sure to turn down any pre-wedding parties anyone offers to throw you.


    If that's not really an option...
    Why can't you just invite immediate family and your close friends who might otherwise get cut from the list? Would it cause that much drama in your family?
    There's no rule that you MUST invite aunts and uncles (assuming you're the ones paying for the wedding). It would just cause too much family drama?

    If you want to avoid family drama, just bite the bullet.
    Plan something a few weeks or month later with your friends. All go on a trip or to an amusement park or a karaoke bar or something together.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:6fa03980-6bec-4cce-b6e1-c97733043f25">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : Do it. Why go through the time and expense of having a wedding (and have guests go through the time and expense of getting to your wedding and potentially buying you gifts), if you're not going to have the event you want with the people you want there. Just make sure to turn down any pre-wedding parties anyone offers to throw you. If that's not really an option... Why can't you just invite immediate family and your close friends who might otherwise get cut from the list? Would it cause that much drama in your family? There's no rule that you MUST invite aunts and uncles (assuming you're the ones paying for the wedding). It would just cause too much family drama? If you want to avoid family drama, just bite the bullet. Plan something a few weeks or month later with your friends. All go on a trip or to an amusement park or a karaoke bar or something together.
    Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

    FI really wants a wedding. I have no problem inviting only immediate family, but my FI does.  He has a very small family so he wants his aunts, uncles and cousins there.  I have a very LARGE family (we both also have stepfamilies so that adds to the mix).  I've actually had to cut many of my cousins so that we can stay within our budget (there are 27 of them and I'm only inviting 3, YIKES).  We discussed cutting some of his cousins, too (like, we both cut all stepcousins or something like that) but he doesn't want to.  I guess guest lists in general are just stressful.  I need guidance from mroe experienced brides!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:89fb04dd-3983-4723-80f0-67ab35e9f230">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : It's definitely not a destination wedding, at least I don't think so.  Our families are from two different states but they're neighboring.  Some family members might have a bit of a drive (1.5 - 2 hours) but it's just because the closer we move to accomodate one family, the farther we move away from another.  I have a few relatives who live waaaayyy far away and would need to fly to the wedding, but I'm not sure if they'll come or not.  That's ANOTHER issue.  I truly believe that, due to the fact that I have family spread around the country, some are probably unlikely to come.  Now I'm sending them an invitation that probably won't be accepted and giving up a guest who would most likely attend.  Ugh, weddings are frustrating.  I'd really like to have a romantic elopement instead.  (Sorry, went on a little rant right there).
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I can so relate to the huge family, small budget conundrum. We compromised by finding ways to save money while not "cheaping" out. For example:</div><div>- A family member is making our cake. You could also get a small traditional cake and purchase a sheet cake at BJs (or similar).</div><div>- We're doing our own flowers. We spent a lot of time going back and forth about this one, but this was the best choice for us. We're saving hundreds. We picked flowers and arrangements that are simple to arrange and that provide a good bang-for-the-buck fullness. (We're estimating my bouquet and my three bridesmaids bouquets will cost $50). We chose very simple centerpieces (a bunch of tulips in each vase), which is saving us a lot of money.</div><div>- We shopped around for an embarassing amount of time to find a budget DJ, but we did! Before we found someone we could actually afford, we considered an ipod wedding (we met with a lot of resistance for that one.) There are a ton of resources for this, if you're interested. We were going to have a friend MC. Make sure you have someone willing to MC (most people would rather enjoy your wedding than "work" it, but you may have someone who would be happy to help).</div><div>- We went with a resteraunt for a venue. It's not a typical wedding place, so it's significantly cheaper. It also feels more intimate and the people are so wonderful to work with. (Before we went with this place, we thought about hosting at our church hall and hiring a caterer. That was a very inexpensive option).</div><div>- I'm doing my own makeup. This isn't neccessarily cheaper because I'll have to purchase some products I don't have, but it made the most sense to me. You could also go to Sephora (you need to buy $50 of products, but that's easy to do). The hair salons in my area only charge $50 for makeup, which is significantly cheaper than the makeup artists in my area.</div><div>
    </div><div>Look at your budget and your plans. You might be able to find areas to cut back in so that you can invite more people. Then, you have to have those hard talks with your family about your priorities for the guest list. That is, by far, the hardest part of planning a wedding. You'll figure it all out :-)</div><div>
    </div>
  • Don't do a sloppy seconds list.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:8b3328d5-3ade-43b2-b93b-30dc126c2e2d">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]B lists are rude, because nobody enjous being told that they are secind rate choices.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    <div>...and people will find out.  Don't kid yourself.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:fe09b3cf-36e9-4b2f-820b-5445926a0f50">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : I can so relate to the huge family, small budget conundrum. We compromised by finding ways to save money while not "cheaping" out. For example: - A family member is making our cake. You could also get a small traditional cake and purchase a sheet cake at BJs (or similar). - We're doing our own flowers. We spent a lot of time going back and forth about this one, but this was the best choice for us. We're saving hundreds. We picked flowers and arrangements that are simple to arrange and that provide a good bang-for-the-buck fullness. (We're estimating my bouquet and my three bridesmaids bouquets will cost $50). We chose very simple centerpieces (a bunch of tulips in each vase), which is saving us a lot of money. - We shopped around for an embarassing amount of time to find a budget DJ, but we did! Before we found someone we could actually afford, we considered an ipod wedding (we met with a lot of resistance for that one.) There are a ton of resources for this, if you're interested. We were going to have a friend MC. Make sure you have someone willing to MC (most people would rather enjoy your wedding than "work" it, but you may have someone who would be happy to help). - We went with a resteraunt for a venue. It's not a typical wedding place, so it's significantly cheaper. It also feels more intimate and the people are so wonderful to work with. (Before we went with this place, we thought about hosting at our church hall and hiring a caterer. That was a very inexpensive option). - I'm doing my own makeup. This isn't neccessarily cheaper because I'll have to purchase some products I don't have, but it made the most sense to me. You could also go to Sephora (you need to buy $50 of products, but that's easy to do). The hair salons in my area only charge $50 for makeup, which is significantly cheaper than the makeup artists in my area. Look at your budget and your plans. You might be able to find areas to cut back in so that you can invite more people. Then, you have to have those hard talks with your family about your priorities for the guest list. That is, by far, the hardest part of planning a wedding. You'll figure it all out :-)
    Posted by BelleBride13[/QUOTE]
    Thank you!  These are really good ideas (and thank you for being helpful and not just calling me rude).  Do you have any information or tips on how you made your flowers or how you found your DJ? Also, any advice on cheap or DIY invitations?  If I can make these things a tiny portion of my budget I might just be able to squeeze in those important people!  Perhaps I could get these things bought and paid for first, then I'd know exaclty how much I have left and exactly how many people I can afford to invite!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:4dd1da45-700b-4e2b-9d8f-23ecf866d756">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : Thank you!  These are really good ideas (and thank you for being helpful and not just calling me rude).  Do you have any information or tips on how you made your flowers or how you found your DJ? Also, any advice on cheap or DIY invitations?  If I can make these things a tiny portion of my budget I might just be able to squeeze in those important people!  Perhaps I could get these things bought and paid for first, then I'd know exaclty how much I have left and exactly how many people I can afford to invite!
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    You can use fiftyflowers.com to order flowers in bulk.  We're ordering stock and hydrangeas.  Stock is really cheap, but still pretty and bold in color.  Hydrangeas are more expensive, but they're big and full, so you don't need many.  But there's many options to choose from!

    I know a lot of places sell DIY invitation kits, like Hobby lobby, Michaels, etc.  You can usually get coupons to these places to save more.  Or you can try Vistaprint to order some cheaply.  There are also vistaprint coupons floating around.

    SaveSave
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:4dd1da45-700b-4e2b-9d8f-23ecf866d756">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : Thank you!  These are really good ideas (and thank you for being helpful and not just calling me rude).  Do you have any information or tips on how you made your flowers or how you found your DJ? Also, any advice on cheap or DIY invitations?  If I can make these things a tiny portion of my budget I might just be able to squeeze in those important people!  Perhaps I could get these things bought and paid for first, then I'd know exaclty how much I have left and exactly how many people I can afford to invite!
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    There are a ton of resources....there is a budget wedding & diy forum which have great ideas.  You want to make bouquets, there are youtube videos....actually you can find anything.  I also made my garter, learning on youtube.  Cheap invites?  Keep an eye out for the $17 for $70 Vistaprint groupons that are PSA posted here all the time.  You can do your invites on that.  If you have time, Michaels and their endless 20% off coupons are your best friend.  If your local forum on the Knot is more active than mine, start there by asking about budget DJs.  Don't have your dress yet?  Go to trunk sales or buy off the rack if you are a sample size.....or just go the route of a dept store for a casual dress, or ordering a fancier BM dress in white or ivory.  Cut out things you really don't need: favors, linen upgrades, fancy centerpieces, tiered cake (Costco has great sheet cake).  Craigslist is a great place to get a bunch of crap brides don't need anymore....who need 12 vases?!  You just have to do more legwork, which it sounds like you are willing to do.  As tempting as a b-list might be, just don't do it.  Figure out who you couldn't imagine not at your wedding and then find ways to cut those other costs.....but ultimately, we all had to make the cuts, and didn't do a b-list.  It's the hardest part of wedding planning.

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  • Ditto PP. If you're not very close to your cousins, you totally don't have to invite all of them unless you think it will cause a lot of strife. I'd hope that at the wedding, if the family you did invite comes, they won't look around and see your fiance's small family and still go "but I think I see some younger folks that I don't know. I bet they invited his cousins but not hers! OMG!"
    Inviting in circles is generally a good idea, but that doesn't mean that the circles from your side and the circles from his side have to be the same. I'm assuming he's not begging for your distant relatives to come, just his since he has a smaller, assumedly tighter-knit family?

    PP have had great cost-saving ideas.
    Favors can still be on the table if you can bake. The ingrediants for a few dozen cookies or homemade candy + ribbon and baggies does not come to too much. (you really can scrap favors, but just a thought in case you still wanted them. A lot of people appreciate food over knick-knacks anyway)

    Also on center pieces... you don't even need flowers necessarily. I went to a wedding and the center pieces were a round mirror with either a few pillar candles on it or a bowl of water with floating candles. It was very lovely and I can't imagine its having been very expensive.
    We went to Home Goods & Marshals and bought all the Mercury Glass we could find (roughly $3-10 a piece) and put little LED lights in them. So our centerpieces were a couple of shiny candle sticks with a mercury glass vase of just a few tulips, and it was really striking (and now we have a bunch of mercury glass to decorate ours and my mom's house with). A few LED lights inside a little colored glass bowl or cup could probably look pretty neat too.

    Also, Christmas was recent enough that you could possibly still find highly discounted ornaments some places. A glass bowl with shiny oranements in your wedding colors can be just as eye catching as flowers. Plus if you celebrate Christmas, you have decorations for life!

    We wanted silver chargers and found a deal on craiglist for them for roughly $1 a piece (maybe you aren't looking for chargers in particular, but craiglist can have a number of things on it. Just be safe when making plans to meet sellers).
  • Ditto to what PP said, there are lots of ways to cut down on budget and still have an awesome wedding!

    What we did:

    Party flowers were good quality silk, Including my bouquette.  Nobody could tell they weren't real, plus I get to keep them forever!  Total party flowers cost 124 dollars.  For reals.

    DIY centerpeices - wine is important to our family, so we made lovely centerpeices out of empty bottles, using a decoration idea that I got from etsy.  I also hand wove silk flowers that were personally sentimental and symbollic into grapevine wreathes I got off of ebay for super cheap.

    We did not have a limo like I originally wanted.  Instead we got a cute decoration kit on Ebay, and gussied up our car as a getaway vehicle.  It was so cute!  And we got super cute pics in it too.  The best part was that the gifts were loaded into it and our roommate drove it home the next morning, taking care of two things in one go.  Otherwise it would have been stressful as we were on a plane by then.

    Haunt Craigslist and these forums for sales held by people who are trying to get rid of thieir own wedding leftover decorations.  Lots and lots of super good deals!

    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:4dd1da45-700b-4e2b-9d8f-23ecf866d756">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : Thank you!  These are really good ideas (and thank you for being helpful and not just calling me rude).  Do you have any information or tips on how you made your flowers or how you found your DJ? Also, any advice on cheap or DIY invitations?  If I can make these things a tiny portion of my budget I might just be able to squeeze in those important people!  Perhaps I could get these things bought and paid for first, then I'd know exaclty how much I have left and exactly how many people I can afford to invite!
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    <div>You've got a PM :-)</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-round-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:81a78ab2-d34b-41bf-ad08-52ac680f4f62Post:2ec3e3a0-9257-4417-9fdc-c58dd71474f5">Re:Secondround invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Secondround invitations? : You can use fiftyflowers.com to order flowers in bulk.  We're ordering stock and hydrangeas.  Stock is really cheap, but still pretty and bold in color.  Hydrangeas are more expensive, but they're big and full, so you don't need many.  But there's many options to choose from! I know a lot of places sell DIY invitation kits, like Hobby lobby, Michaels, etc.  You can usually get coupons to these places to save more.  Or you can try Vistaprint to order some cheaply.  There are also vistaprint coupons floating around.
    Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

    <div>Costco/BJs also does flowers, and if I remember correctly, they're relatively inexpensive.
    We got our invitations from DB, believe it or not, and they were beautiful (and cheap!). We got a lot of compliments on our invitations. Also, Michaels online has a card/invitation site (MiDesign). Both DB and MiDesign have bajillions of options, and they allow you to search by price and style and all that good stuff. They also both frequently have huge sales and coupons. DH and I ordered our invitations through DB and used a coupon, too, so for 100 invites, with inner and outer envelopes (and extra outer envelopes) and response cards with envelopes and reception cards and thank yous (100 each), I think it came to just over $300? It was insanely cheap. And we chose something that was sort of in the middle price-wise, so there are cheaper options.</div><div>
    </div><div>Seriously take a look at what you NEED to have at your wedding (do you NEED calla lilies and roses and stepanotis, or would you be just as happy with carnations or daisies? Do you NEED a $5K couture dress, or can you order a knock-off from China and be happy in that?) and what you can do without, and figure out where you can cut corners price-wise. And always remember to shop around. And haggle. You never know unless you ask (nicely).</div><div>
    </div><div>But don't do a B-list. There are ways around it, and then you'll have everything you want and everyone you love there to enjoy it :)</div>
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  • A big tip on flowers is to do them yourselves.  It's seriously not that hard if you don't want something crazy fancy.  We are getting married in April and are ordering tulips in bulk from costco.  They are like $0.80 each or something insanely cheap.

    Also?  Go to the dollar tree's online store.  They sell the Exact. Same. Vases. (and other items) that hobby lobby and michael's sell for like 10x more.  Seriously, we bought 30 vases for centerpieces for $1 each.  They were $10 at hobby lobby with a coupon.  Same brand and everything.  Costco's tulips are $9 for a bunch of 15 stems.  So we're doing one bunch per vase.  $10 per table for centerpieces, and we have real flowers.

    Cheap invitations?  Stalk vistaprint and sign up for coupons.  Within a month or two you will get an email coupon that makes invitations less than $50 total.  Also?  Choose invitations that only cost $0.46 (starting at the end of Jan.) to mail.  Postage can really add up, and invitations that are an odd shape or more than 1 ounce costs an additional $0.20 each.  Also check out Target - I bought thank you notes there today for my shower for $14.  It's a box of 50 and they are letterpress.  They would probably cost upwards of $50-$75 on a site like weddingpaperdivas.  They have matching invitations as well that were like $25 for the box, also letterpress.

    Other places to look are TJMaxx, Home Goods, and Tuesday Morning (if you have those up there).  They sell totally random things like stationery and it's dirt cheap.

    Ebay is also your friend.  I can't stress that enough.

    Now the big expense for what seems like everybody: the dress.  Let's be real.  It's a dress.  You wear it.  And then you never wear it again.  I got mine on clearance at David's for like $150. A trick to making a cheap dress look more expensive than it is is to buy one that is candlelight white or ivory, rather than stark white.  Stark white is not a color that nature makes, and that means the fabric has to be synthetic if it's stark white.  "White" silk always comes in ivory.  So do all the other natural white fabrics that haven't been bleached to the high heavens.  My dress looks, sounds, and feels like silk but it's synthetic.  My mom embroiders, so I bought a completely plain dress with no embellishments at all, and she is embroidering a sash for me.  It's special and the whole thing ended up being a reasonable price.

    Things you really really don't need: a limo, favors, and welcome bags.  All of these are nice extras if you can afford them, but I promise you nobody will care or miss them if they aren't there.  They can add up fast.

    You also do NOT need save the dates, regardless of where your wedding is.  These are a really new thing and for some reason people in our generation seem to think they aren't invited if they don't get one.  That's just plain wrong.  Up until maybe 5 or 10 years ago nobody had ever heard of them.  They are a way for the wedding industry to pump you for more money.

    Other things that come out of the blue from nowhere - things like a guestbook.  FI and I are putting out scraps of stock paper from leftovers of various DIY projects and sharpies.  We are going to scrapbook with them later.  That saved me $50 on a guestbook.  Another thing are the toasting flutes and cake knife.  Nice if you can afford them but totally unnecessary.  Most venues own sets of these and will let you use theirs for free.

    I do not recommend making your own cake because that could cause food poisoning if you do it wrong - and many venues require a food license to be able to serve outside food.  However, PP is right about costco/sam's club/etc.  These places do have licenses and they are ginormous cakes for like $30.  They actually taste good too, something I can't say for most wedding cakes.

    Finally?  Sides don't have to be even.  Like PP said, just because he wants to invite his extended family doesn't mean you have to invite yours.  
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  • If you're considering a Sunday morning as it is, why don't you do a brunch/brunchy/desserty reception.  If it's not a meal time, you can serve a lot more people and still invite your friends...
  • Don't do Save the dates - which will save on the STD themselves plus the postage - AND your guest list can still be workable.

    Take another good look at your guest list.  I would think you would you rather have friends than Great Aunt Dorris and Uncle Henry?  Maybe make your side (the one with most "family" members) stop at Aunts/Uncles.  Invite those who are closest to you and are meaningful in your lives.  This is YOUR wedding and you should have people whom you are closest with in attendance.
  • Okay while I personally don't like B listing . If you are really going to do it than here's my advice on how to minimalize the risk of offending B-list guests.

    1) Don't do save the dates at all. if someone who doesn't get a save the date sees one and then later get invited they are going to know that they were B-listed.

    2) Send out first round invites at 3 months and second round invites at 8 weeks. 8 weeks is fairly normal and therefore won't seem obviously b-listed.

    3) Do not have different RSVP dates for the invites. Do not have anything different between the two invites. You just have to hope that some of the first group reply back in the negative before the 8 week mark.

    4) Invite the people that you really care about first. Your BFF should get an invite before you great Aunt Mildred who you only see at weddings and funerals. I realize that this mays cause some family resistance but really think about who you want to celebrate with you and let that guide your guest list.

    5) Really try to cut back on expenses so you can invite more people. Ways to do this:
            a) Ipod & speakers instead of DJ
            b) casual food for catering (think BBQ buffet instead of 5 course plated meal)
            c) getting a sheet cake instead of a tiered cake
            d)DIYing your centerpieces
            e)DIYing your flowers (there are numerous online sites where you can bulk order      flowers. There are youtube tutorials on how to make bouquets and centerpieces beautifully.
            f) consider having a morning or afternoon wedding (morning weddings consume less alcohol, afternoon weddings require less food)
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited January 2013
    OP, I see you're from MA, do you live near a Market Basket? Yeah, the grocery store with the poorly tiled floor and the 16 year olds in ties? If you do and it has a bakery, check out the bakery. I LOVE their cakes, they are moist, deleicious, and their frosting is phenomenal! They can't really do too much fancy-ness (no fillings, no fondant really, no tiers) but they make a kick-butt 2 layer cake with buttercream frosting.

    I work there and cake is a staple in my house. I recently purchased a $100 cake for a baker for my mother's 50th birthday party. I really wish I would have gone to Market Basket. I'm not telling you to go there because I (still) work there, I'm telling you because they're awesome. a full sheet cake is like $55? Are you on the fence? Try out one of their "weekly specials" cakes.... They'll have them for the upcoming playoff games, st. patty's day, easter, etc.

    And Stop and Shop does flowers for not much too!
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