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The meeting with SIL

MrsBMMrsBM member
100 Comments
in South Asian Weddings

Hey Girls

So I thought I should give a small update on the Friday meeting with BIL and SIL.

First thanks to all who have helped me deal with this and with you advice...it helped me stay more calm then I would've been had i not asked for opinions on the situation :)

soo...

As we were getting there, the hubz and I were so anxious, our hearts were beating so fast

I started off bad lol....there was yelling and rudeness. 

But then at around 10:30pm, Hubz, BIL and myself and gotten everything out that we wanted to and we were at the point that we felt that arguing more wouldnt do much...but not SIL.  She was still trying to cope with the whole meeting...obviously things went far beyond what they though they would and it was hard for her to handle.  She left the room a few times and cried.  And at those times I told BIL to go with her b/c at this point I started to feel sorry for.

Even though thhe meeting was very -ve the over all feeling going fwd is +ve.

HOWEVER I came into work this morning and in my email was a loong email from SIL and she talks about several points that we brought up that she couldn't give a response to...which we were fine with as we weren't looking for a response or an excuse.

I have NO idea what to do...if I respond I don't want the response to be too long and I don't want to say things that werent said during the meeting....

All advice is appreciated!

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Re: The meeting with SIL

  • raangoliraangoli
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Blerg. That was almost good, wasn't it?

    I have to say though, that was very sweet of you to want your BIL to make sure your SIL was ok the times she left the room. I hope they recognize that fact!

    Your SIL seems to want to be able to have the last word in everything, is that true? That's the feeling I get esp. after you said you got an email with her response to points she didn't get to discuss with you.

    I'd respond in a short way, but let her know that the door to discuss is still open. The best way to work on having a relationship with her and your BIL is to keep the communication lines open. I know that you understand that it won't all be solved in a day and I hope she understands that, too.

    Do you feel up for chatting with her about it on the phone? Maybe set up a time to discuss with her? Or if you think she wouldn't take it the wrong way, just let her know that you are fine with leaving things as they were and to leave the past where it belongs, in the past.

    Maybe something along those lines? It doesn't sound like you want to go round for round with her, but she wants to and I am not sure that's even productive.
    ExerciseMilestone
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  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It was really considerate of you and shows that you have at least some concern for your SIL for checking on her when she was upset.

    However, I am not sure what more you can do without being counterproductive. Did you guys try to set plans to meet up at a neutral place to do something that has nothing to do with discussing your wedding and issues with eachother?

    I would write back that I understand and appreciate her feelings. Make sure you at least respond with something - even if it is short and sweet. You don't want her to feel ignored and then start a whole new fight.
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  • MrsBMMrsBM member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Sonali and Raangoli

    Sonali - we didn't meet a neutral place, BIL/SIL were totally against it...

    I will respond with something short and sweet and focus on the future....I dont want to keep brining up past points or fuel the fire on what she's still thinking about.

    thanks girlies!
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