Wedding Woes

HELP!! Step-daughter issue

My wonderful fiance has a wonderful 8 year old step daughter who will be our flower girl. We have a bit of a problem, though. We have a historic mansion complex in my small home town for the weekend where the wedding party can spend the night. My fiance's daughter is just devastated that she can't spend the wedding night with us. We've told her how important she is. We've as G rated as possible told her that we will be doing what married couples do to make babies so kid's can't watch. We've tried telling her we're just following tradition and that she is dad's first love.

I think she's scared of being in a big house without us. But what can we do? Anything we can say? Any thoughts are welcome.

Re: HELP!! Step-daughter issue

  • Who is she going to be spending the night with? Maybe pump her full of the fun things she will be doing that night instead of focusing on the fact that mum and dad won't be there.

    I don't have any kids so I can't be very helpful but I do know that when my oldest sister got married my niece had a rough time two or three weeks before the wedding because she wasn't going to be with them. I took her out to buy new games and pjs for the night and the night of the RD she and I snuck away to make sure we had all our supplies (make up, games, ice cream, DVDs, etc) so she was sure we would be ready. She cried when her mum and dad left but the rest of the night was pretty awesome.

    Vacation White Knot
  • PP is pretty on target.  Who will the kid be sleeping with?  Get her excited to spend the night with them, get something special for her for that night.  And for goodness sake she doesn't need to know anything about what you will be doing.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-step-daughter-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:64b4479f-686b-439f-a34e-f71bf81265b9Post:85c45a57-9b3d-47f0-abf4-c7dcd19e9f67">HELP!! Step-daughter issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wonderful fiance has a wonderful 8 year old step daughter who will be our flower girl. We have a bit of a problem, though. We have a historic mansion complex in my small home town for the weekend where the wedding party can spend the night. My fiance's daughter is just devastated that she can't spend the wedding night with us. We've told her how important she is. <strong>We've as G rated as possible told her that we will be doing what married couples do to make babies so kid's can't watch.</strong> We've tried telling her we're just following tradition and that she is dad's first love. I think she's scared of being in a big house without us. But what can we do? Anything we can say? Any thoughts are welcome.
    Posted by kmhamme[/QUOTE]

    <div>Don't worry, guys. she's saving the talk on anal and golden showers until SD turns 10. </div><div>
    </div><div>I agree with the PPs. Just get her excited about the "sleepover party" that she'll be having with the person who will be watching her. (what movies will they watch / junk food they will eat / games they will play) Does she have any cousins or friends that you guys could include, and make a little party out of it?</div>
  • Yes, get her excited to be spending the night with SOMEONE SHE IS COMFORTABLE WITH, such as your FI's parents or one of his siblings.  Please do not shove her off on someone she doesn't know.
  • Honestly, the kid sounds like a brat to me. Unless this is her very first sleep away (which I doubt, since her parents are obviously not together anymore) there is no good reason for her to be pitching a fit about 1 night away from her Daddy. Where is her mother? Can she not spend the night with her? I agree you shouldn't pawn her off on your bridesmaids if she's not close with them, but seriously...You should not have to offer explainations about why you and her father need the night away, and you should not have to make extraordinary concessions for her. You should also not feel like its neccesary to tell an 8 year old that her Daddy and you will be doing adult things. Tell your FI he needs to be a parent, and put his foot down.  Something along the lines of, "Because I am your father, and it is up to me to decide whether or not a place is appropriate for you. My honeymoon is not appropriate for you, and ____ is where you will be going. You can choose to have fun, or you can choose to be a brat, but you are still going." 
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-step-daughter-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:64b4479f-686b-439f-a34e-f71bf81265b9Post:85c45a57-9b3d-47f0-abf4-c7dcd19e9f67">HELP!! Step-daughter issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wonderful fiance has a wonderful 8 year old step daughter who will be our flower girl. We have a bit of a problem, though. We have a historic mansion complex in my small home town for the weekend where the wedding party can spend the night. My fiance's daughter is just devastated that she can't spend the wedding night with us. We've told her how important she is. We've as G rated as possible told her that we will be doing what married couples do to make babies so kid's can't watch. We've tried telling her we're just following tradition and<strong> that she is dad's first love.</strong> I think she's scared of being in a big house without us. But what can we do? Anything we can say? Any thoughts are welcome.
    Posted by kmhamme[/QUOTE]

    Please tell me she knows and understands the difference between parental and romantic love.  ETA:  I'm not talking about sex.  But she should know the way her dad loves you is completely and totally different from the love that her dad has for her.  She's 8, not 4.  

    Does she not spend any nights away from you guys?  If it's a rare occurence, I agree with Taw in having her stay with someone who makes her 100% comfortable.
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