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Another one bites the dust :(

brittanyjterrellbrittanyjterrell
100 Comments
in African American Weddings
Lost a bridesmaid today due to her scheduling conflict at her job and also the fact that I felt as though she could have worked a little harder to get the day off seeing as though I'm supposed to be her best friend (of 8 years) and she has known about this for over a year. In addition, I have taken off work plenty of times for important events/milestones in her life ... most recently, her babyshower and I got her so many gifts.

She was so nonchalant about the whole thing, I texted about the bridal shower and if she will make it "I don't know yet." .. I said, "Okay."

I texted about the wedding, "I put my request in but I won't know until a few days before if I can get the day off." Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? I was almost to tears! I can't believe this woman just said that to me. I felt maybe I was overreacting but my FI said I was completely right about everything when I told her that maybe she should make more of an effort and be there for me as I am always there for her. She got mad because I compared people that are in her same boat to her situation (new job, baby, etc) ... I understand ALL of that but where there's a will..there is definitely a way!

Might have lost a bridesmaid and a best friend, I'm just so hurt by all of this. It's entirely too much!
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Re: Another one bites the dust :(

  • irons633irons633 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow sorry to hear that Hun!!! Truly is she was a real friend she would have put that request in as soon as you told her that you were getting married. That is a very important step in life that you are taking and she should be there to share with you. Also, the fact thatyou were there for her she should be there for you. You have two weeks before your wedding, it may be painful but think of the life you are about to embark on and who knows she may come to you and apologize about not being there for you in this most exciting time. It's all going to work out!!! Pray about it and remember from your lips to God's ears!!!!
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  • chescamchescam member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry that this is happening. Your day is so close too. The closer you get to the wedding the more stressful it'll be. You have every right to feel the way you do. Hopefully things will work out for you and your friendship will not be lost.
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  • CaramelBride973CaramelBride973
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I am so sorry. I can't believe that she would do that two weeks before the wedding. I think you should try to save your friendship but only if you think it is worth it. . The nerve of some people. Don't let it ruin your final stages of the wedding countdown.

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  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sending a knottie hug. Seriously 2 weeks before the wedding and just now taking off? I would not let her steal your joy.


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  • alpresberryalpresberry
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear this, but as they say weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.  I am going through something similar with one of my closest friends as well, but she started being distant immediately after the engagement, so I didn't even ask her to be in the wedding party and now I'm debating if I should even invite her at all....smh.  Long story short, she broke with her boyfriend of 8 years who she has known for 15 years last year because he wouldn't marry her and I think my engagement has just brought out another side of her.  I just don't understand why we can't just celebrate each others success. It truly is a shame your friend is acting like this, but hang in there. Sending hugs your way.
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Awww...sorry to hear about this.  I really don't understand what happens to friendships during the wedding planning process.  When I first planned to marry in 2006 I lost a friend of over 20 years.  It was awful.  The sad thing is so many of us have or are going through it.  I know it hurts but just let it go.  She alone knows the real reason behind her actions because you are right it makes no sense that she wouldn't have prepared to take time off for your event by now.  Big hug to you. 



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    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



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  • Carla1019Carla1019
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you feel this way.

    But can i play devils advocate for a second.
    She just got a new job and depending on the company most people know that you should not take off for the first 90 days. This economy is terrible and people are afraid to rock the boat when it comes to employment. I'm not saying she couldn't have tried harder but understand that you don't know what her work situation is.  I think comparing her to others in similar situations might not have been a good idea.

    I wish you the best and hopefully you can find a plan B.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
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  • egammo3egammo3
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry you are having to go through this just 2 weeks before your big day. I kind of want to think that there is more to the situation than just not being able to take off from work. I can't imagine a best friend waiting until just 2 weeks before the wedding to pull something like this when she's known for more than a year. I want to believe that maybe with the new baby finances are playing a huge part or maybe she is going through something much deeper right now for her to be so nonchalant.
    Regardless to the situation, the wedding day will come, and the show WILL go on!
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_another-one-bites-dust-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:d62180e9-8bc5-4554-883e-5299f133773cPost:9992dcff-593a-43b4-abd7-0bafefa43315">Re: Another one bites the dust :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so sorry you are having to go through this just 2 weeks before your big day.<strong> I kind of want to think that there is more to the situation than just not being able to take off from work.</strong> I can't imagine a best friend waiting until just 2 weeks before the wedding to pull something like this when she's known for more than a year. I want to believe that maybe with the new baby finances are playing a huge part or maybe she is going through something much deeper right now for her to be so nonchalant. Regardless to the situation, the wedding day will come, and the show WILL go on!
    Posted by egammo3[/QUOTE]

    That is exactly what I am thinking!  



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



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  • tally7tally7 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    that is not great but please remember the only people that need to be there are you - your hunny - and the officiant - everything else is just extra !

    You will have a fabulous day regardless of whether or not she is there --
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  • sheikscorpio88sheikscorpio88
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry that this happening to you. My mom gave me some advice when I got engaged she said that when planning to get married you will find out who your real friends are, some may start acting crazy, doing stuff and saying things that they never would any other time. Just stay stong and focus on whats important which is your future with your hubby to be! :)
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  • kbval0512kbval0512
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OH girlie I am so sorry to hear this and especially 2 weeks before your wedding. I agree with some others that it is way more to that story about her not being able to get off from work. Especially when you have known for over a year. I totally know where your coming from and how you feel. I recently just lost two of my close friends/line sisters that were apart of my wedding party. I mean I have some time before my wedding for some but in my eyes I don't. These months goes by fast and before you look up its time to say I Do. I realize that when it's something big going on in your life you will really find out who your real friends are. At the end of the day it's not about anyone but you and your hubby beginning your new life together as man and wife. I wish you nothing but love and success in your upcoming marriage.... :)Smile
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  • SunnyBBSunnyBB
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Girl, I am so sorry this is happening to you!  That is horrible.  I understand not being able to make the other events but to miss the wedding?  And do all of this two weeks before?  That is unacceptable.  She obviously does not think your friendship and one of the biggest days of your life is a priority.  But don't let this get you down, hold your head up and celebrate with those friends and family who love and support you fully.

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  • ladychambers83ladychambers83 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Girl, I'm so sorry to hear about this especially so close to your special day. Hang in there and celebrate this joyous day with ppl who actually are happy for you! Everything will work out, and you will have a fabulous day...can't wait for the re-cap and pics xoxo
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  • brittanyjterrellbrittanyjterrell
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the support ladies and I understand both sides to the story and I told her, I completely understand about feeling overwhelmed about the baby and the new finances ... this is WHY I volunteered to buy all her stuff (shoes, dress, down to the accessories). She has not been asked to pay for a single thing. If she is going through something deeper, she is my best friend and I would think she would come to talk to me about something like that! I just don't know what to feel at this point, I'm so lost. I know the show will go on but I just imagined looking back on the day I married the man of my dreams and seeing the people I love the most there with me. Everything is not always going to be roses and candy, however. So... the show must go on :) I will come back with plenty of pics and a recap. Hopefully, she shows up! It would really make my day !
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