Interesting situation - just wanted to share

perkins81 · February 2011

So my BF and I are not engaged yet, but are defintely planning to get engaged as soon as we can and get married (we're looking at possibly next spring for the wedding, if not sooner, Lord willing). But I just moved to his town and am now attending his church and all his church friends know that we are planning to get married. We've made it clear to them that we're not engaged yet, but my BF tells me that they keep referring to me as his fiance. We both think it's pretty cool, but we don't even call each other that yet, since we're trying to save the excitement for later. Part of me wonders why we don't just get engaged now without a ring (he's waiting for enough money to buy me a ring), but I also don't want to get ahead of ourselves either.

So, do you think we should try to correct people when they ask each of us about our "fiance" or should we just let it go and take it with a smile?

sister2groom · February 2011

I would just let it go because I don't even know how you would go about correcting them without it being akward. But then again, I was the girl who let my youth pastor butcher my name for a year because I didn't want to make him feel bad by correcting him.

amongthelilies25 · February 2011

that is an interesting situation.

are you planning the wedding already?

my FI wanted to wait to get my a "nice ring" but i told him that i would rather wait for a nice ring then wait for an engagement. lol. So he got me a nice cheaper ring from JCpenney on Christmas an proposed to me then. and i couldn't have been happier! we decided that later (maybe even before the wedding) he will get me something better...but for now..i LOVE it!

it does kinda stink being called a "fiance" when you havn't had the proposal and a ring. i would imagine it took the fun out of it. before my FI and i were engaged people knew that we would get married and he would even tell me i am his future wife and stuff like that...but when i had the little ring on my finger, and after having him on one knee in front of his family.......it changed it. it changed the MEANING of future wife and fiance, you know? now when i get to say i am his fiance..i get all excited! (:

and its okay to even be engaged and not have a date set...lots of couple have done that.

its all something to think about and consider and DEFINETELY pray about. (:

kellya01 · February 2011

It seems like if you are planning to get married (and not just talking about one day getting married in the far distant future to someone not necessarily each other), you are just about as good as engaged, with or without a ring. Or at least, that is how I see it.

If you're not sure yet, then yeah, it would be good to correct them, but if you are sure, I'd just let them go on calling you his fiancée. :-)

mrandmrsbrist · February 2011

Before FI proposed, I wore a purity ring with diamonds and my birthstone on my ring finger and people from FI's church assumed we were married! So I've been there.

When people were speaking with us (or even just FI when I wasn't there) and referred to me as his wife or even FI, my FI just gently corrected them. He let them finish speaking, and then would say something along the lines of, "Well, she isn't my wife...yet. We aren't quite engaged yet."

Hope that helps!

DramaGeek · February 2011

I definitely see you as engaged - you have a definite plan to get married, and a good idea of when! I don't think i'd correct them if it's just in passing, but if it's people you spend a lot of time with, you might mention that even though you both know you'll spend your lives together, you're not actually engaged yet.

loves2shop4shoes · February 2011

You're not engaged until there is either a proposal or a definitive agreement between the two of you to get married on X date. Saying "yeah, we'll get married some day, maybe even next spring" does not qualify as being engaged.

If you want to get engaged sooner, you can have a timeline conversation with your BF and say, "I think we should get engaged sooner. I don't care if I get a big, flasy ring" and see what he says.

But I wouldn't let the comments of others influence your decision. Some people knowingly make the error to mean that they know you two are serious.

bourgehm · February 2011

I agree with shoes.

Although you don't need a ring to be 'engaged', if you two donm't see yourselves as engaged, then you're not. Plain and simple. Sayng possibly next spring, doesn't make you engaged. I would let it go. I wouldn't say much after their comments.

drama1308 · February 2011

I'd take the comments with a smile and say "not yet, but soon"

joyfulbride424 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_interesting-situation-just-wanted-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:43603730-c023-46c7-83a7-7a53000466c4Post:75e0b29a-31bf-46f2-b869-0c0e5e901985">Re: Interesting situation - just wanted to share</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd take the comments with a smile and say "not yet, but soon"
Posted by drama1308[/QUOTE]

This is what I would do. Also - you don't want to take away from the awesome "I'M ENGAGED!!!!" freak out that you'll have for a few weeks after you get engaged :)

kalizoomba · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_interesting-situation-just-wanted-share?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:43603730-c023-46c7-83a7-7a53000466c4Post:6b5f7f3e-3fd9-4cfb-a6e2-df416adff2f6">Re: Interesting situation - just wanted to share</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not engaged until there is either a proposal or a definitive agreement between the two of you to get married on X date. Saying "yeah, we'll get married some day, maybe even next spring" does not qualify as being engaged. If you want to get engaged sooner, you can have a timeline conversation with your BF and say, "I think we should get engaged sooner. I don't care if I get a big, flasy ring" and see what he says. But I wouldn't let the comments of others influence your decision. Some people knowingly make the error to mean that they know you two are serious.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

I completely disagree with this.

If you're planning a wedding - regardless of whether you have a "ring" or not - you're engaged - regardless of whether you have a date or not.

I considered myself engaged about 6 months before I got a ring - never told my parents though - they're very traditional and thought I needed a ring - so I waited until FI got a ring before I told them. We had began talking about getting married and all that stuff a long time before that, and he knew I would marry him.

I had the ring for about 6 months before actually setting a date, and even now, We still might change the date (only by a week though)

musicalsunlight · February 2011

I tend to agree with the school of thought that there needs to be an agreement between the two of you that you see yourself as "engaged". Doesn't matter if there is a ring, just the collective agreement between the two of you. If you both just "know" you're getting married eventually, but don't consider yourselves in an engagement, that is different, IMHO. FI and I knew we wanted to get married for a while before we considered ourselves "engaged". (He gave me a ring and proposed, but I do not think it is necessary in order to establish an engagement) If you know how both of you feel about it and you agree to consider it an engagement, then so be it. Otherwise, it's not.

azdancer8 · February 2011

Our church did the same thing, but sort of accidentally. It really funny, actually, but I blushed quite a bit.

I had been to DH's church a few times while we were dating, and every other week once we were engaged. A month or so before DH proposed, the pastor announced how nice it was to have M's "fiancee" visiting that day. DH corrected him politely, saying "not yet". So the first Sunday we were at church after he proposed he set it up for the pastor to announce me as M's "girlfriend", so DH's playful correction became our engagement announcement!

(Plus it was fun hearing the giggling of my in-laws behind me, since they all knew already.)

Beazilla · March 2011

You don't have to have a ring to be engaged. Once you agree to marry each other and start actively planning a wedding, you're engaged. He can still propose with a ring at a later date.

I wouldn't worry about people calling you his fiance without a ring and a formal proposal. You two are planning to marry each other, so the terminology isn't wrong.

perkins81 · March 2011

Thanks for all the input! I think we'll just keep going as we are - not engaged yet, but still planning. Only a few people have said "fiance" so we'll just let them keep saying it since we will be engaged at some point down the road. We've already discussed basic wedding details like colors and possible number of guests and location (our church), but nothing is concrete until we get engaged and set the date.

Interesting situation - just wanted to share

Re: Interesting situation - just wanted to share

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