Wedding Called Off

MrsSmith2Be02 · February 2012

It's really too long of a story, but here is the short version:

We got the estimated invoice from the venue before I was to go put the deposit down tomorrow. I had already done a mock up based off the numbers we were estimating, but this one was with FI extras (hosted bar, 2 entree selections). It came to $14K including the venue rental (for 180 people). I played around with the numbers and decreased to 150 and took the hosted bar off and reduced to 1 entree, which was what my forecast was before and it came down to $10K. Even still he was like that's too much. Granted I'm putting in most, my mom was doing alot, and he was going to contribute whatever he was going to. It wasn't even about the money, now it was about his attitude of if you can't do it right, don't do it at all. I have 2 kids, and we have 1 in common. So, since I have done a lot in life a bit unconventional, this is the 1 thing I was really looking forward to and have planned out my whole life. So, I opted to compromise and gave a destination option (he said no because his friends dont have passports and wont get them and they dont have money like that to go places like my friends and fam will...even though PR u don't need a passport, or even Savannah, GA for that matter). Then I said well how about we go on a cruise and just us, he said no because my friends and fam can't/won't be there. I REFUSE to go to the courthouse. My father just passed in September and I distinctly remember us having a convo at his kitchen table about how he couldn't wait for whenever I got married to have a wedding like he and my mom did (even though they are divorced now). THEN he says that he would rather just take his money and invest it more in his business. That was it! I felt like he was putting that in front of me and I wasn't compromising anymore on what would make me happy. I feel like I do it all the time and his all or nothing attitude has got to go!

So needless to say, I didn't have anybody else who I could talk to because all my friends think he's a jerk to begin with and u know how friends and fam can be. It already was difficult because his mom has never liked me because of my oldest son and I have continued to bite my tongue and bear it.

What to do now?

So I'm out of the photographer deposit and my dress money. But that's way better than that PLUS venue deposit. I'm going to buy a Macbook Pro tomorrow. I've been wanting one and now I'm going to get it.

djscat · February 2012

Awe honey I am so sorry. I am praying for you. I hope that he "wises up" and sees how important this is to you. I pray God's will be done in your life and that whatever He has for you shall be. I know you are crushed right now so I am sending you the biggest knottie hug I can manage (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Are you on FB? If so hit me up. www.facebook.com/catnichols

MissusD1116 · February 2012

Aww!!! I'm sorry to hear that mama! This may be God's way of telling you something! You just hold on because HE has got a plan for you all! Your FI attitude sounds really negative and I hate to say it, butit seems as if he is having the wedding for his friends and cam and not you, HIS LADY. At the end of the day, this should be about you two. The folks that are on your team, will do what they have to do I order to be there for your special day.....that ish cra!!!!!

MissusD1116 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-called-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:27370c84-2ac6-4d4d-a929-9f00d83a58cbPost:45a17cc7-f6b6-4a9b-9663-5100e339aa0a">Re: Wedding Called Off</a>:
[QUOTE]Aww!!! I'm sorry to hear that mama! This may be God's way of telling you something!

You just hold on because HE has got a plan for you all!

Your FI attitude sounds really negative and I hate to say it, butit seems as if he is having the wedding for his friends and cam and not you, HIS LADY. At the end of the day, this should be about you two. The folks that are on your team, will do what they have to do I order to be there for your special day.....that ish cra!!!!!
Posted by MissusD1116[/QUOTE]

MissusD1116 · February 2012

**Friends and FAM, sorry

MrsSmith2Be02 · February 2012

Thanks ladies! I have calmed down a bit because this happened before lunch, but I was beyond crushed. After 5 years, now u want to pull this ish? Aside from that, I'm like look I have done pretty dang on well. Basically, single mom of 2, masters student, i work FT, bought my house solo, so really it wasn't about what he can bring to me, b/c I'm not on stuff like that.

I'm a true believer that God makes NO mistakes and if it is to be, then it shall be in His timing. Or if not, then He sure has someone super awesome!

wallacje · February 2012

So sorry to hear this!!

Sounds like he isn't ready to be part of a team which is what marriage is. Your "real" friends will understand and not judge you because of the decision you've made.

Hoping everything gets better for you!

Sophia1913 · February 2012

Oh no. I am so sorry to hear this. I pray that it works out for you. Wedding planning is stressful enough without any extra drama. I hope you guys get things back on track with a clear understanding that its a partnership and your feelings should be taken in to consideration as well when making decisions.

lcroster · February 2012

Praying for you honey! I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel right now but remember that God is in control of your life and every situation.

ejagers · February 2012

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope he sees the error of his ways and you two work out the issue. I agree with pp in saying that I hope everything works out and I pray that you find peace in the midst of all that is going on. (((HIGS)))

MrsBoss2012 · February 2012

Just like the rest of the ladies on the thread I'm sending you a big HUG, prayers and thoughs. Even when you feel you can't go to your friends, you can come here, and most importantly take it to the Lord. It sounds like you were carrying a heavy burden. He says take HIS yoke for his yoke is easy and burden light. Girl I mean it. Give it ALL to Him. He will bless you above and beyond what you imagined. God bless and keep the both of you.

brandidt84 · February 2012

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully everything will work out for the both of you because like you I was with my kids father for 8yrs and you couldn't tell me that he wasn't gonna be my husband. Well guess what he isn't gonna be my husband and I am happier than I ever was. Sometimes we never know why God does the things that he do. But we must know that God doesn't make mistakes. I will keep you and your FI in my prayers because marriage a team building process.

teamUS2012 · February 2012

Wow, sis. I'm so sorry to hear that. Just know that God is in control, and nothing happens without His approval. Whatever is going on, He's watching and He's orchestrating.

I'm here if you need me. www.facebook.com/lalarue I'm going to PM you my phone number so you can text or call me if you need to.

Also, a few of the Knottie ladies in Atlanta are having dinner on Tuesday 2/21, if you want to join us. Nothing big or fancy, and no wedding planning. Just ladies enjoying each other's company and good food. Call or message me if you want to join us.

Much love to you and I'm praying for you. Romans 8:28 says all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are the called according to His purpose. In other words: it's working out for your good.

daniandron · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-called-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:27370c84-2ac6-4d4d-a929-9f00d83a58cbPost:df6747d1-9ab3-492f-9b7b-7e6a713d83a1">Re: Wedding Called Off</a>:
[QUOTE]I am so sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully everything will work out for the both of you because like you I was with my kids father for 8yrs and you couldn't tell me that he wasn't gonna be my husband. Well guess what he isn't gonna be my husband and I am happier than I ever was. Sometimes we never know why God does the things that he do. But we must know that <strong>God doesn't make mistakes</strong>. I will keep you and your FI in my prayers because marriage a team building process.
Posted by brandidt84[/QUOTE]

This. You're in my prayers, and I really hope you can join us on Tuesday for dinner.

BlissPhilly · February 2012

Sending Positive Knottie Vibes your way. Hopefully you two can talk this out and work through it...Lord knows relationships take ALOT of talking. {{{HUGS}}}

A&STHOMAS · February 2012

I'm so sorry to hear that sweetie,. Before we were planning our wedding years ago and my FI seemed kind of uninterested so I called the wedding off. Now here we are 4 years later, not to say that it's going to take that long for you. Maybe you should ask him why he want to marry you and what he would suggest to do about the wedding..

SunnyBB · February 2012

I am so sorry to hear this, I hope and pray that your guy will realize what a wonderful woman he is letting slip away. You said it yourself though, you are smart and independent and you have been successful thus far in life and you will continue to be. Let us know how you are doing, too. You have another AAW Knottie praying in your corner.

faithlady · February 2012

I'm so sorry. Praying it all works out

EBONYROBERT · February 2012

Sorry to hear this... i too am praying everything works out.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I am so sorry you have gotten to this point.....prayers for you and hopes that you take some time and have a frank discussion with both your FI and FMIL.

I remember your post about your FMIL not liking you and making comments to FI about whether this is truly what he wants, and wondered if all this pressure has gotten to you! Did you have that frank discussion with him? And frankly, I think you also need to talk to his mother. Especially, given that you have gotten to this point.

I understand your position, but there is a lot going between his mother's nudging and him probably thinking about the amount he can contribute to the wedding.

BluIvory82 · February 2012

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and as PP's have said the Lord makes no mistakes! Keep the faith dear. We are here for you.

Soon2BSand · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-called-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:27370c84-2ac6-4d4d-a929-9f00d83a58cbPost:e80e98fd-e3c0-48d7-babe-033f27a6e8b9">Wedding Called Off</a>:
[QUOTE]It's really too long of a story, but here is the short version: We got the estimated invoice from the venue before I was to go put the deposit down tomorrow. I had already done a mock up based off the numbers we were estimating, but this one was with FI extras (hosted bar, 2 entree selections). It came to $14K including the venue rental (for 180 people). I played around with the numbers and decreased to 150 and took the hosted bar off and reduced to 1 entree, which was what my forecast was before and it came down to $10K. Even still he was like that's too much. Granted I'm putting in most, my mom was doing alot, and he was going to contribute whatever he was going to. It wasn't even about the money, now it was about his attitude of if you can't do it right, don't do it at all. I have 2 kids, and we have 1 in common. So, since I have done a lot in life a bit unconventional, this is the 1 thing I was really looking forward to and have planned out my whole life. So, I opted to compromise and gave a destination option (he said no because his friends dont have passports and wont get them and they dont have money like that to go places like my friends and fam will...even though PR u don't need a passport, or even Savannah, GA for that matter). Then I said well how about we go on a cruise and just us, he said no because my friends and fam can't/won't be there. I REFUSE to go to the courthouse. My father just passed in September and I distinctly remember us having a convo at his kitchen table about how he couldn't wait for whenever I got married to have a wedding like he and my mom did (even though they are divorced now). THEN he says that he would rather just take his money and invest it more in his business. That was it! I felt like he was putting that in front of me and I wasn't compromising anymore on what would make me happy. I feel like I do it all the time and his all or nothing attitude has got to go! So needless to say, I didn't have anybody else who I could talk to because all my friends think he's a jerk to begin with and u know how friends and fam can be. It already was difficult because his mom has never liked me because of my oldest son and I have continued to bite my tongue and bear it. What to do now? So I'm out of the photographer deposit and my dress money. But that's way better than that PLUS venue deposit. I'm going to buy a Macbook Pro tomorrow. I've been wanting one and now I'm going to get it.
Posted by MrsSmith2Be02[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Sis I'm sending you percocet induced loopy hugs from South Atlanta. I'm here for you (but you gotta wait until I heal - lol. I hope that made you smile)</div><div>
</div><div>If you need to get out or chit chat you can always come over and have a drink or two. We love you and support you.</div><div>
</div><div>Don't make any rash decisions on purchases though. Let things cool off and see what happens in a week or so. </div>

missowens · February 2012

So sorry to hear honey. I'm sure everything will be alright in the end. Perhaps he will eventually "wake up and smell the coffee" and realize what he is missing, but by then it'll be too late. It's definitely his loss. But don't worry, we knotties are here for you if you need us! Sending hugs your way

Carla1019 · February 2012

(((HUGS)))

I can only imagine how disappointed and crushed you are feeling right now. Just as everyone has said, take this time to pray and meditate to see what can be learned from this situation. Sometimes we just have to be still and let our steps be guided.

Everything will work out according to his plan. Take comfort in us if you have no one to talk to. We are always here.

Baesmom · February 2012

You will be just fine. I will pray that he gets his mind right but if for some reason he doesnt, you will be just fine. Hugs

M1ssJ · February 2012

Im praying for you. I don't know either one of you but I will say remember that the devil works hardest when you're getting the most blessings. I applaud you for sticking to your vision.

I will pray for you and the Lord will see you through!

thedivav · February 2012

Hugs so sorry to hear Prayers going up

MrsSmith2Be02 · February 2012

Thank you ladies so much! I really appreciate it. I thought sleeping on it, I would feel better this morning, a little but not much. But with time it will be easier to deal with. He is so stubborn and stuck in his my way or the highway because his mom has catered to his every request and need (only child). I'm an only child too, but I guess with having 2 kids I've learned I can't do and have everything I want when and how I want it.

ludajean · February 2012

So sorry to hear this. Step back and let GOD guide your way,.Keep praying and I

will definitely be praying for you as well.

mejai1 · February 2012

Sending you more hugs... I am so sorry you're going through this, and it may be better that you're strong enough to do this now before saying "I do." But take your time and pray and think on it before any rash decisions.

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